Hey yall, I am lucky to have found a site to discuss this openly, it is freeing. I've been seriously considering ctb for a few months now, while passively considering it for about a year. I have an injury that is going to grow into a debilitating health condition and I just don't want to be miserable. I used to be such a nice happy good person but, due to factors in my life beyond my control, I got hooked up with the wrong people. So, now I have this injury and I think about suicide everyday. I just won't be able to live a full life once the affects start to take place, it scares me. I used to be a well adjusted adult on her way to make something of herself and now its just this looming fall from grace. Honestly, I am not ready to die but, I feel that I must. I dont really have any support, no real life friends. I tried to talk to my Mother, I even wrote her like a fifteen page letter and I have tried texting her too but, I am mad at her, she abandoned me and we won't be able to have a good relationship unless she can acknowledge that. She lives on the other side of the country, most of my Mother's side of the family that I grew up with lives far away. So, its just me and my goals, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, its just sad that ive gotta be an adult on my own especially with this injury. I want to die, I dont want to live like that, disabled. I have been putting it off for the last few months because the symptoms are not as bad as they could be. I get like this crazy adrenaline feeling because I know my time is coming up. The people in my life that were supposed to be there to support me were not there. I still feel bad about it tho, but they didn't feel bad when they were neglecting me. I said I was a nice person yknow. I just dont want to think about the past and all the negative stuff I have been through, its not enough for me to want to stay here and just be miserable because my health is failing me. I would tell you what the debilitating condition was if I didnt have stalkers, I dont like being identified by people on the internet. It just really sucks so bad and I am planning for either ctb orrr idk be purely miserable, not being able to take care of myself, under constant supervision in a hospital environment. If I don't take care of this problem in the next couple of weeks, then it will be a long time before I am able to try again. Its such sadness, like how could this happen to me, I was supposed to be the successful one in my family but, they didn't support me, barely, hardly. It has been a series of unfortunate events over a period of years. Its just this jittery feeling that won't go away, that I will remain unfinished forever, having given up on living any sort of normal unsupervised life. I actually woke up to somebody knocking on my door this morning and I thought, I really dont know how I am going to pull this off, this ctb business. I mean, I have a method planned out but, these things are not foolproof. Its not like I have nothing to live for, its just not enough to live in constant suffering, thats no way to live and I feel sorry that people have to live with such conditions, they have so much bravery and courage.
Do any of you have any tips for psh. ? Like, I have heard of taking deep breaths for five minutes so that you pass out early. Its actually not normal, whats going on in my life and atp I dont have ny financial so thats my little rant for today. I would appreciate any decent responses.
Do any of you have any tips for psh. ? Like, I have heard of taking deep breaths for five minutes so that you pass out early. Its actually not normal, whats going on in my life and atp I dont have ny financial so thats my little rant for today. I would appreciate any decent responses.
