Actively planning ctb now after news I just got

[Worthless_nobody]

My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you're experiencing such turmoil. Big hugs to you.

Thank you. Big hugs to you too

 

[MariV]

well you jist received the news. maybe in some days you wont see it so catastrophic. take a deep breath and lets see how things turn out. jist dont do it on impulse.my 2 cents

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I just woke up..passed out after taking too much xanax. I'm going to give this some time to see if it can get resolved. I'm not doing anything impulsive just actively planning. This was literally my last hope for recovery. In the midst of all this court stuff Im still making my preparations (notes are still being written, method double checked, I have a few places in mind)

I talked with my mom because she is quite understanding and kind about everything. I'm open with her about everything..I have been for years. I just feel like talking with her is best. She never has to question if she there was anything she could have done. I think she is accepting this more and more...I know it will kill her and that's the hard part. How long does one suffer and live for others? I think there comes a time we just can't hang on anymore and I have tried for years.

Anyway I'll update about my plans. I won't leave without a goodbye. Thank you everyone for all the advice, support and kindness it means a lot to me.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

With the outcome of my housing issue looking really bleak I'm going to probably ctb. This one thing is NOT the reason I'm going to ctb but just a final nail in coffin. Life is obviously telling me to do it. I was trying to consider recovery but this news showed me it's pointless.

It was all the abuse, trauma, mental/physical issues and just being dealt an unbelievably shitty hand in life why I'm going to ctb. Especially my ex he killed me yet left me alive in a meat suit with no person left in there. I feel forced out if life..i don't want to ctb, it devastates me. But I refuse to keep trying and being beaten down, trying and getting nothing but worse and worse. I have been in limbo over this way too long. This is a long time coming and my Time is coming soon. I want to be free...free from this cruel miserable world.