Discussion Active Vs passive ctb

[jokster18]

active Vs. Passive; does consensus think most people are looking to ctb in the near future active plans , or it's just something people are considering to do at a later date.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I don't have the privledge of being able to reliably die in peace, I despise this hellish, prison like anti-suicide society where humans do all they can to make suicide inaccessible, it's unacceptable but also so hellish how I cannot just choose to fall into an dreamless, eternal sleep whenever I wish to. What I'd also fear is trying to die going wrong and leading to way worse suffering, it's horrifying how such a thing could happen, really wish I never existed more than anything.

 

[willitpass]

I'm not completely sure what your question is but I'll answer in a similar light as FuneralCry. I'm hedging the border between active and passive suicide right now. I had a recent near attempt but SI had me chicken out. I'm afraid if I try again the same thing will happen. However, I'm not just sitting around waiting either. I have a long history of severe self harm and at this point I'm taking my fucked up ability to withstand torturing myself in a way that isn't me trying to kill myself but isn't me not trying to kill myself either. I have anorexia, so I'm already harming my body by slowly starving myself, but I also deprive myself of water and only allow myself to drink energy drinks. To add insult to injury, I am now microoverdosing on Tylenol daily, between 4000-6000mg per day, I'm about two weeks into this. I'm hoping that I will soon reach a point of acute liver failure and will refuse treatment. I'm keeping the dose low enough that if they question why I took so much Tylenol I can say that I've been in severe chronic pain (not a lie, I do experience daily physical pain) and have been taking it out of desperation so I may hopefully avoid being found to be suicidal at which point I wouldn't be allowed to refuse treatment and would be placed in a psych ward once they patch up my body.

As for everyone else on this site, I'm not sure that it can be answered accurately. Many people lurk for methods and die without a single post. Some people come and go for years (like me) for many reasons ranging from periods of recovery to periods of being so depressed they can't even be bothered. Some stay for a short period of time then ctb or decide they don't want to stay on the site any more. I don't think you can accurately gauge this.