Help Activate suicidal ideation

[rainatthebusstop]

Hello there.
I have been on this forum for quite a while and I have been circling the drain for even longer. Last year I decided on a plan to CBT only for it to fall through at the last minute and I have been passively suicidal ever since.
And let me tell you, it sucks. I can barely focus, and all my thoughts are circling the hope that maybe tomorrow I will have died in my sleep. Maybe today is the day someone stabs me. My life has gotten actively worse ever since then and I see no way out. There is none. I tried.
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So my question is how I can reactivate my suicidal ideation. What can I do to stop dreading my fear of failure and finally push through my inertia? What would you recommend to really get through my attempt?
I have to choose a rather "violent" method so feel free to recommend something to kill my survival instincts too.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

Bumping this because I really need advice here. Please

 

[slapntickle]

It's a hard question and I think something that the majority of us here struggle with. The constant, unrelenting ideation can be absolute hell and it negatively impacts your life massively (because I'm always like 'well why bother doing that as I'm going to be dead so soon anyway?'). I totally get it and I hate myself as well for not being able to 'push through the gate' and get on with it.
I think it'd be remiss of me to tell you the techniques I use to get closer to the edge, but my overall thinking on this is that if you're struggling with this kind of thing, you're essentially just not ready to CTB. When it's really your time, you'll know. Until then, just try and live the best life you can, be kind to others etc. Carry on as best as possible (as if you are planning for old age etc). It's really the best way.

 

[GremlinCan56]

It's a hard question and I think something that the majority of us here struggle with. The constant, unrelenting ideation can be absolute hell and it negatively impacts your life massively (because I'm always like 'well why bother doing that as I'm going to be dead so soon anyway?'). I totally get it and I hate myself as well for not being able to 'push through the gate' and get on with it.
I think it'd be remiss of me to tell you the techniques I use to get closer to the edge, but my overall thinking on this is that if you're struggling with this kind of thing, you're essentially just not ready to CTB. When it's really your time, you'll know. Until then, just try and live the best life you can, be kind to others etc. Carry on as best as possible (as if you are planning for old age etc). It's really the best way.

Yup, this is correct.

 

[burninghill]

I don't have any advice but it comes and goes for me too. I'll feel incredibly suicidal, desperately so, and then eventually it goes away and goes passive again. It's really frustrating to know that this cycle will repeat over and over again, but, in the moments where my ideation isn't active, I don't have the will to stop it.

 

[rainatthebusstop]

I don't have any advice but it comes and goes for me too. I'll feel incredibly suicidal, desperately so, and then eventually it goes away and goes passive again. It's really frustrating to know that this cycle will repeat over and over again, but, in the moments where my ideation isn't active, I don't have the will to stop it.

I hope it at least helps to know you're not on your own here