J
Journeytoletgo
Broken and hated 7-14 years long overdue
- May 14, 2018
- 1,581
Bullying literally gave me social anxiety, loss of confidence socially.
That shit fucked me up as well.Thank you đź«‚ the meds I took was Abilify (5mg) but I was sleepy all day, would go to bed at 7pm, lost appetite and had actual crisis which truly terrified me, I thought I was really loosing my mind
I wish the USA believed in things like cptsd and coercive control.CPTSD is awful, that’s…all I have to say for now. It wouldn’t matter if anything else was said. But that sums it up.
I had a very similar experience. It has made it hard for me to interact with people and is one of the reasons for my ctbMy experience of bullying/abuse in my elementary and junior high years had permanently fucked me up and made me unable to have healthy relationships now. A naive young me was stalked online, used, manipulated, and shamed by “friends.” They convinced me to abandon all of my friends so I was stuck with them, and then they (two sisters) slowly convinced me that I was defective and needed them or else I’d be alone forever. They’d spam my phone at all hours of the night to solve their problems and if I had a concern and asked them to stop the narrative would be flipped to make me the guilty one. They made accounts online to monitor me whcih made me quite paranoid. They’d also talk shit about me in front of me like I’m trash.I was shamed for having any interests, opinions, or hobbies that were out of their control and monitoring. They also stole my lunch and threw it at me and made me think we were playing. It was all fun and games until I threw anything back, and then suddenly we had went too far. They used me for my grades and spread rumours about me when I tried to talk to anyone else and make other friends, essentially isolating me. Based on whether I was entertaining/useful enough I’d either be ignored and discarded or barely tolerated for the day. I started performing and trying to entertain them for acceptance but it was never enough. When I finally made my own friends and tried not even to leave, but just to spend some time to myslef, they posted attacks online and tried to convince me I was awful for not spending 100% of my time with them. For context I’m possibly autistic and didn’t get social cues which is why I put up with this for so long, they made me convinced that friendship is supposed to hurt this bad.
Welp I now have bpd and I’m the shitty one! I’m way too paranoid and unstable and always end up hurting the people close to me. I hate it so much how one can go from being hurt to hurting others the very same way. I’m trying to change but it’s so hard.
This is a Megathread where members who are have suffered (or are still suffering from) any kind of abuse, bullying and/or trauma can post their experiences, vent, connect with others in a similar situation and give/receive support. I have encountered many members who have been abused, bullied or traumatised and I feel a dedicated space would be useful.
You can post as often or as infrequently as you like. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.
I will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.
I understand how utterly soul-destroying any kind of abuse and trauma can be, the domino effect this can have on our entire lives and the far-reaching consequences victims must endure in the aftermath. I wish no-one had to experience such suffering.
While I know there is nothing I can do to take away that pain, I hope that here we can find solidarity and support among each other.
I sometimes find comfort in planning my final ctb actions. Music also can express my thoughts quite well. "Tears of a clown" Smokey Robinson, don't let my glad expression give you the wrong impression. I hurt and so sad, there are tears when no one is around." Things can only get better" Howard Jones, If we throw it all away things can only get better. I have been bullied since I was five stepdad, redneck uncle's granddad, and school grades 1-12. So, screw them. If I reincarnate, I want to be large enough and muscley enough to be so formidable and ferocious looking. I don't want to BE a bully; I want to be big enough to slap the shit out of people who bully others! May we all find the love, peace and joy we all deserve.This is a Megathread where members who are have suffered (or are still suffering from) any kind of abuse, bullying and/or trauma can post their experiences, vent, connect with others in a similar situation and give/receive support. I have encountered many members who have been abused, bullied or traumatised and I feel a dedicated space would be useful.
You can post as often or as infrequently as you like. Share as much or as little as you feel comfortable with.
I will monitor this thread to ensure it stays on topic and is a safe, supportive space for those who participate.
I understand how utterly soul-destroying any kind of abuse and trauma can be, the domino effect this can have on our entire lives and the far-reaching consequences victims must endure in the aftermath. I wish no-one had to experience such suffering.
While I know there is nothing I can do to take away that pain, I hope that here we can find solidarity and support among each other.