About killing yourself with near 100 % certainty

[couldntthinkofaname]

If earlier this year I would have had access to cyanide (locked down with registration and verification procedures) or if exsanguination would have been an option (the latter: what a shock after learning the truth, felt empty ) ...

Again, in Europe. Not UK. Densely populated.

Not in acute agony but in declining health. This is not human. Victim of medical errors, CNS damage overall very poor health. Not easy to die though. Lack of mobility, not so good motor function especially when exhausted.

I've been on this website for a while.
I don't really want to die, I want to live. It just doesn't seem an option. I'm not 'at peace' with dying.

Methods: hanging: I cannot see hanging as a peaceful way out. Partial suspension into a peaceful blackout ? Doing that with the idea 'I'm going to sleep now' ? Can't see it. I see hanging as a brutal act.

Drowning: logistics, I wouldn't be able to carry the weights.

Jumping: logistics. Phyiscal, cognitive etc. No local high buildings. I don't weigh much (osteoporosis) and a horizontal fall ... (numbers?) having your bones shattered, splinters of your skull penetrating your brain ... I'd die if noone would 'rescue' me. (that's the bitch, the humans) Odds would be better from a few hundred metres I guess.

Firearms: (almost) impossible to get.Especially heavy caliber.

Sodium nitrite: I'm not at peace, likely I won't be able to sedate the hell out of me, waiting for hours to die while suffering ... I don't trust myself with that. Sodium azide ? Don't remember the details but it may be quick or it may be slow. Can't use survival and additional CNS damage. Already have gastrointestinal issues.

Trains ? Survival would be horrific. Would need to travel to a spot ...

Nembutal ? CNS damage, tolerance, death by respiratory deprssion if it works, heart attack by Dilantin ? Absorption and distribution to brain si an issue. Objectively it would kill me, but if the duration of action is short (hours) and manage to survive ... Reduced brain metabolism also means reduced need for oxygen.

Suviving some of these methods with additional damage would be gruesome. I can't use further abuse by doctors.

Basically I'm looking for a quick way to finish myself at a moment when I feel strong. With the aid of N or god knows what. I've got a healthy distrust of myself.

somehing you really notice when you read your post. you will never ctb. even if a perfect suicide method would exist (it doesnt) you will still come up with reasons not do it.

and dont see this as a blame - nothing wrong with not suiciding - quite the contrary.

 

[Arak]

@couldntthinkofaname , well it doesn't really matter what you think but the odds are that I will. I don't even want to think about surviving certain things.

Who wants to be tortured to death ?

Edit: actually that comment of yours scares me a bit. Let's hope I will be able to do 'the deed' when it's necessary. And if they had not messed up my CNS N would certainly be an option, just unsure at the moment. I mean, ending up like a quadriplegic or something ...

 

[Arak]

@airixv ,

See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hanging#Suspension I was referring to traditional hanging, relying on your weight to basically asphyxiate you. There are different methods, I'm not gonna look up the phrases but certain methods don't work well with low body weight.

 

[couldntthinkofaname]

@couldntthinkofaname , well it doesn't really matter what you think but the odds are that I will. I don't even want to think about surviving certain things.

Who wants to be tortured to death ?

Edit: actually that comment of yours scares me a bit. Let's hope I will be able to do 'the deed' when it's necessary. And if they had not messed up my CNS N would certainly be an option, just unsure at the moment. I mean, ending up like a quadriplegic or something ...

there is just no perfect method. you look for something that doesnt exist.

 

[Arak]

Last night I was playing with an idea ...

I do have a long and sharp kitchen knife. If I were able to 'fall' on it, forcing the knife through the heart with the weight of my body it would kill me. A variation on the Roman method of falling on one's own sword.

The blade would have to enter the heart from below the breastbone ... But it's probably not doable, is it ? The required vector for entering ... I know, grim although opiates might do something. SA and SN aren't great either ...

 

[Prime]

Partial suspension hanging is quick, painless and doesnt require complicated apparatus

 

[Prime]

Last night I was playing with an idea ...

I do have a long and sharp kitchen knife. If I were able to 'fall' on it, forcing the knife through the heart with the weight of my body it would kill me. A variation on the Roman method of falling on one's own sword.

The blade would have to enter the heart from below the breastbone ... But it's probably not doable, is it ? The required vector for entering ... I know, grim although opiates might do something. SA and SN aren't great either ...

Sounds interesting but will be very painful and may not be quick. And if the knife misses the heart it can turn into a nightmare