Discussion A Wrong Reason to live?

[Dawn0071111]

The only thing that will keep me here is the quest for love. Everyone I talk to disagrees that this is a healthy goal in life. I don't give a shit. Is there anything that would keep you from ctb that is seen as unconventional or unnatainable?

 

[Soul]

I'm not sure I understand: people tell you it's not healthy to stay alive to pursue love?

What do they consider a "healthy" reason to stay alive - making money? trying on clothes? getting likes on Facebook?

If I were a bodhisattva I would stay alive until even the grass is enlightened. But I'm not.

 

[Empty Smile]

If love is the only reason for not ctb, I'd rather ctb.

Love is overrated, and the number one cause of heartbreak. I've learned this the hardest way possible.

 

[Dawn0071111]

I'm not sure I understand: people tell you it's not healthy to stay alive to pursue love?

What do they consider a "healthy" reason to stay alive - making money? trying on clothes? getting likes on Facebook?

If I were a bodhisattva I would stay alive until even the grass is enlightened. But I'm not.

Yes basically from all the psychological literature therapist and Friends everyone seems to support the idea that you have to get love from within yourself. that it's not okay to seek ot from outside. I understand the ramifications of this basically I'm classified as a co-dependent love addict or whatever f****** else. But I don't give a s*** anymore I tried to change this about myself. Finding a partner to be with in life who really loves me and I love them is really my only goal in life. you would be surprised how many people disagree think it's unhealthy and downright look down on me because of it. This is because I live in a culture that says the superior people are the ones who love themselves. Then of course there's a philosophy that says I can't find love until I love myself. Well I don't really love myself but I still want to find someone to love me so I have to keep trying. Because in my mind once someone else loves me I can learn to love myself from them loving me. It's in comprehensible to me that a person can learn to love themselves without having love from the outside. I know it's crazy and I've actually had someone love me but because I didn't love them it didn't register. So I feel really screwed up and this is why I want to see ctb.. but I figure if I do stay I'm going to stay on my own terms even if it does sound crazy to everybody else. I have a good friend who told me that she was able to find true love when she was struggling with low self-esteem and it was a great marriage the only reason why they're no longer married is because he tragically died.... so all of this love yourself first is b******* sure it definitely will help you avoid Predators narcissist and people who want to take advantage of you.... but I want what I want and until a therapy comes along that can easily help me to want something else from the bottom of my soul why bother. Either I can go for what my heart wants or I can kill myself.

If love is the only reason for not ctb, I'd rather ctb.

Love is overrated, and the number one cause of heartbreak. I've learned this the hardest way possible.

I totally get it, which is why I am leaning heavily to ctb... but if I were to stay, I just wanted to have that experince before I die.

 

[Empty Smile]

I totally get it, which is why I am leaning heavily to ctb... but if I were to stay, I just wanted to have that experince before I die.

I've had heartbreak before and was used to it, but the last one just totally broke me.

Even if I was to find someone who loved me, it wouldn't be the same. It would be the same toward her, I'd love her, but it wouldn't be the same.

But either way, ctb is my only option at this point. It's not because of the lack of love, it's the years of depression and anxiety. Love don't mean shit to me.

 

[Soul]

@Dawn0071111, I see what you mean now.

I fear I've been guilty more than once of the kind of thing Janis Joplin was so good at conveying: I want to crawl and beg for your love, I want you to tear me apart because I need your love - and the poor guy was standing there saying "I love you! Here I am! I don't want to hurt you -" but I just brushed that aside in torment going take another piece of me ohhh owww I love you so

So in that sense I understand people saying I had to be open to love - to the notion that I can be loved - or I would never feel it from anyone else.

But that's me. And I'm also the one who had my heart broken terribly, but never stopped loving the man because it's not *my* love there was anything wrong with - it was his. I challenge the forum to find anyone outside this forum who would say that's healthy. But after many years we're as close as I shall ever be with anyone, and we take care of each other as well as we can, and I shall always love him more than he loves me but we've both learned that love is love and not fade away.

Mind you, my mother committed suicide because my father died, so don't expect me to approach this like a "healthy person".

The heart has its reasons. I'm Team @Dawn0071111.

 

[pole]

fuck what everyone else thinks. if YOU think finding love and a partner is what's gonna be make you feel whole again, and give you a reason TO NOT WANT TO CTB, then i 10000 percent support it. fuck what everyone else thinks. who's right is it to tell you what you can and can't seek, let alone try and critique if its good or bad for you? there not you, ur you. if you genuinly wanna do that, you do that. and me and others will support you nonetheless. I hope you find someone that loves you as much as you love them.

 

[Dawn0071111]

@Dawn0071111, I see what you mean now.

I fear I've been guilty more than once of the kind of thing Janis Joplin was so good at conveying: I want to crawl and beg for your love, I want you to tear me apart because I need your love - and the poor guy was standing there saying "I love you! Here I am! I don't want to hurt you -" but I just brushed that aside in torment going take another piece of me ohhh owww I love you so

So in that sense I understand people saying I had to be open to love - to the notion that I can be loved - or I would never feel it from anyone else.

But that's me. And I'm also the one who had my heart broken terribly, but never stopped loving the man because it's not *my* love there was anything wrong with - it was his. I challenge the forum to find anyone outside this forum who would say that's healthy. But after many years we're as close as I shall ever be with anyone, and we take care of each other as well as we can, and I shall always love him more than he loves me but we've both learned that love is love and not fade away.

Mind you, my mother committed suicide because my father died, so don't expect me to approach this like a "healthy person".

The heart has its reasons. I'm Team @Dawn0071111.

Omg! Thank you so much for being on my team. I feel like so few are.... wanting to commit suicide over a failed relationship, unrequited love, heartbreak is so taboo & frowned upon... its crazy! So manu pop songs in our culture is all about "I can't live without you" or some rendition thereof...

You would think it would be cosidered natural or at least people won't so nastily judge or label you. So what if its not healthy... who are all these so-called "healthy" people out there?

Fuck being healthy. Im 40 years old. Maybe one of the 25 group homes I lived in should have intervened & gotten me into therapy before my personality hardened into what makes me a female emotional freak of nature. Im not a "bunny boiler" type, butas cute as I am seems no guy except my lovly passive husband, who has loved me from day one. Whom i had NO CHEMISTRY OR ATTRACTION. Is my only long standig relatio ship. I hate myself for this. We tried an ope n marriage. I fell in love with a narc. I now have ptsd and am destroyed. Im nothing inside. Just a shell of a human. If i could find ideal love..... but why bother subjecting another human to my bottomless pit? I believe life is better without me because Im just a scavenger here to take rather than give. Im just a bundle of unmet needs & meeting them myself is impossible & unpalatable. Im just disgusted with the entire design of life.

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fuck what everyone else thinks. if YOU think finding love and a partner is what's gonna be make you feel whole again, and give you a reason TO NOT WANT TO CTB, then i 10000 percent support it. fuck what everyone else thinks. who's right is it to tell you what you can and can't seek, let alone try and critique if its good or bad for you? there not you, ur you. if you genuinly wanna do that, you do that. and me and others will support you nonetheless. I hope you find someone that loves you as much as you love them.

Omg. I think your the first human being to say this to me. I feel like I need support in everything I do. Im so sad. I just want to spend the rest of my life trying to find what I lost last summer. I know it makes me selfish, but so would suicide. Therapy claims to help me with the neediness.... but its come to be a part of who i am. I just feel like I want to be a my guys "perfect woman" which is what he said to me the first day we met. But it was all a sham & i think i destroyed what chance there was. I left my psycologost cause she just wanted to talk about my childhood and me moving on from trauma into the future.....
But now I get it, i now see why people hold on to things for years, all thier lives... they keeptalking about it. We wonder why they just cant "let it go".... No it won't LET US GO.... thank you.. sorry for rambling. The only thing that keeps me from boarding the bus is being a queen in the eyes of a man i adore. NOTHING else in life means shit to me... but I feel guilty because I was raised to believe we are born on earth to serve, to lose ourselves, to sacrifice, to deny ourselves.... but how is that possible when our basic needs for belonging & connection r not met? How can I give what I don't have? Ugh..... Why is fullfillment so elusive? Thank u & sorry for little rant

 

[sadgirl2002]

The only thing that will keep me here is the quest for love. Everyone I talk to disagrees that this is a healthy goal in life. I don't give a shit. Is there anything that would keep you from ctb that is seen as unconventional or unnatainable?

I feel exactly the same as you! I've heard the same things, especially on social media when I used to go on it. People would say that you have to find happiness within yourself and love yourself first before loving another and all that other bullshit. As far as I'm concerned, love is the ONLY thing that will make me the happiest girl in the world. I know that and I feel it, no one can say anything about it. Love is the only reason I'm still here, I'm just waiting for the day the love is returned. I hope you find that love!