Venting a wrench in my ctb plans

[uniqueusername987]

I'm so mad.

So I mentioned a couple times here that my dad is in town this week. He claimed to be coming for work. I learned yesterday on the phone with my mom that she sent him here to see how I'm doing instead of just asking like a normal person and I'm so livid.

I was planning to ctb ~10 days after he leaves because it feels like an asshole move to do it immediately after which could make him think that him leaving caused me to ctb. (I know he could still think it anyway but it'd be more ambiguous.)

Today he asks if he can stay another week. It sounds like a legitimate work reason but I'm pissed. They KNOW I hate it when he stays here. I sobbed for hours when my parents told me he'd be staying with me for a whole 6 weeks after my last hospitalization in December. It's miserable, especially at night when I can't sleep but I can't do anything about it because I don't want to wake him up. Last night I just laid in bed and tried not to cry too loud.

Now not only do I have to be miserable for another week but it also pushes back my ctb plans. I can't do this for another week, go to work and class and pretend I have it all together. I don't have it in me.

And I have nowhere to go. All of my friends live in a group house that I'm banned from because one of them got tired of dealing with my ideation and just doesn't want to deal with me anymore. I'm stuck.

I'm an adult so I know they technically can't force themselves into my home but I don't know how to tell them no without causing conflict and suspicion.

 

[thebookofdisquiet.]

I can only imagine how frustrated you're feeling but you just have to be patient, it'll be over soon! I don't know about your relationship with your father but maybe you could spend the rest of your time here doing nice things with him as an unspoken goodbye? Your final days should be good instead of bitter...

Wishing you luck and resilience!

 

[uniqueusername987]

I can only imagine how frustrated you're feeling

Thanks :)

maybe you could spend the rest of your time here doing nice things with him as an unspoken goodbye? Your final days should be good instead of bitter...

Yeah that's fair. We have a bit of a strained relationship so doing stuff together isn't something we ordinarily do, also in part because we don't really have any overlapping interests. Plus I feel like it just gives me more opportunities to fall apart. Last night we were eating dinner together and I had to try so hard to contain myself about the whole ordeal.
I hate talking to normies about shit like this. The people who bothered to answer me last night kept telling me I should be grateful for my dad because he's probably sacrificing a lot and hurting just as much if not more. That it's better for me that he's there. People couldn't care less about how I feel. I hate this.