Venting A thread for updates regarding my situation :-] yay

[Cyber4ngel!]

Hiii everyone! As the title suggests, this is a thread about me and the situation im currently in.

Some of you know me, and some may not. For those who are familiar with my situation, just to recap, I'm currently homeless, i have a very abusive family, no money and ZERO BITCHES!!! :0 i wanted to do this thread to kinda keep everything in one place, also to avoid just filling SaSu with my little sad story lol, if i have something important to say or something that is not about this whole situation i will do a separate thread!!

Moving forward, I'll be posting here about the situation :]
I'll also link any previous threads for those interested in catching up. Thanks for being here!

1) https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/what-do-i-even-do-now-vent.186080/

2) https://sanctioned-suicide.net/thre...-asap-i-have-a-cat-and-were-in-danger.187854/

3) https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/long-time-no-see-im-alive-sadly.194474/

i love all of you!!

Moving forward, I'll be posting here about the situation :]
I'll also link any previous threads for those interested in catching up. Thanks for being here!

Also look at my profile, i post little updates that are not long enough to make a thread
These are my latest updates:

Still alive sadly, currently in the streets, they kicked me out, I don't have my cat with me. Sorry for being inactive and sorry if im missing some of the art commissions, i will do them as soon as I have access to a computer again, i still have my cellphone for now. Manchitas is not safe and neither am i, but thats life i guess.. thank you to everyone who showed me support, i just couldn't reach my goal, found a job but only temporarily, i dont have it anymore because yeah.. i can't really work if i cant even shower, i charge my phone in McDonald's that are open 24 hs so sorry if im inactive and sorry again if i haven't done some of the comms, and also sorry for my english, im not using a translator today

I will not ctb yet, i dont really know why, i dont have my cat with me, I guess i am in denial, i still think i will find him eventually, but even then i dont really have a place to stay, i hope someday i will be able to rent an apartment and be at peace

I love all of you, I hope all of you are ok and if not i hope things get better for all of us, with or without ctb

17/02 !!

Hey everyone, just wanted to share a quick update: I'm still alive! I apologize for not being around much lately. My phone battery situation is a bit of a struggle, i can't always charge it, and tbh life has been very rough lately.

I really miss my cat. I have a tattoo of him on my leg, and every time I see it, it just reminds me of how much I miss him. I'm still in denial about his disappearance, i haven't even mentioned it to most of my friends because I just don't know how to cope without him. I feel like life has lost the little meaning it had

I just hope he's safe.

So, I'm currently still living on the streets, sometimes I crash at a friend's place and the next night at another friend's place.., and other nights I stay at a 24-hour McDonald's.

Thankfully, someone was kind enough to donate to me, and I'm so grateful for that. I'm using that money to get at least one or two meals a day, which is already more than what I had at my parents' house :P. I've managed to use a bit of that money for emergencies too, there is a cheap motel where i stay when i cant go anywhere and i need to use a shower or just sleep on a bed yk.. I can't do it a lot bc its like 15 - 20 dollars a night but it gets me out of bad situations when i need it

Everything feels really tough right now, and I honestly don't know what to do. I'm looking for a new job, and a few places have expressed interest, but i dont know if i can maintain a job without a stable place to sleep or shower, thats why i had to leave my last job

But even then, once the money I have left runs out, I dont really know what to do..

I have contacted homeless shelters but every single one i asked about was already full.. thats argentina for u i guess.....

As you might expect, my mental state isn't great. I'm exhausted both physically and emotionally. I have very few clothes now since most of them were tossed by my dad, and I'm just dealing with what I can carry in my backpack. Its hard to wash them and i hate being dirty..

But, you know, that's life sometimes.... I just had some empanadas, and they were goooooood

I just keep thinking about my cat, I don't know how to keep going without him. I really miss him.

My former boss mentioned he was going to help me out when I lost my job, specifically to help with rent for at least a month so I could get back on my feet and back to work. But when I reached out about it, he ghosted me. It's a bit of a letdown, even though I know it wasn't his responsibility.

If anyone feels like chatting tonight, I could really use some company. Im on my own tonight and It gets lonely here, zzz

As always, sorry for my bad English, i used a translator today though!!

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

I'll watch this thread if you are going to update on here, are you gonna?

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

I'll watch this thread if you are going to update on here, are you gonna?

Hii sweetheart!! Yes i will, ill try to keep updating on here every time Im able to ♡ idk how often, but i will!! Thank you for always worrying about me

 

[sadalways]

I'll keep reading your updates too, your situation is really rough, i'm so sorry you have to go through that sending hugs

 

[Gangrel]

i'm glad you're still here and still alive, sending love

 

[Languish]

I know things will get better for you. It's hard now, but it will not always be like this. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

Hii sweetheart!! Yes i will, ill try to keep updating on here every time Im able to ♡ idk how often, but i will!! Thank you for always worrying about me

Alright... If it would be easier I wouldn't mind sharing discord acc's! Your story just affects me greatly and I want to see your situation get better <3

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

Alright... If it would be easier I wouldn't mind sharing discord acc's! Your story just affects me greatly and I want to see your situation get better <3

Ofc!! I will PM u my discord acc!! Thank you again for caring so much about me, you have been worrying so much about me since the beginning <3 i really appreciate it
17/02 // Update of today is!! I'm alive, today I'll stay at the motel i mentioned, I have 200$ left for now, I ate a hamburger today, it was 4$ :) honestly pretty cheap!!! And it was good too, i had to buy toilet paper and shampoo today, I wanted to get some clothes but it's expensive afff, I'm worrying about what will i do once the money runs out but yk.. im trying to live one day at a time bc if not i will kms!! Tomorrow I'm going to hangout with a friend and I'll probably stay at his house yayyyy

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

19/02 // i dont really have the energy to write a lot today but im alive!! Today im going to give my resume to a restaurant i was recommended, they supposedly pay every week instead of every month and that would be better for short term necessities bc anyways there is no way i can afford rent by myself, im trying to find a roomate, I stayed at a friend's house last night :]

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

19/02 // i dont really have the energy to write a lot today but im alive!! Today im going to give my resume to a restaurant i was recommended, they supposedly pay every week instead of every month and that would be better for short term necessities bc anyways there is no way i can afford rent by myself, im trying to find a roomate, I stayed at a friend's house last night :]

hopefully you'll be able to secure the job <3

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

24/02 - im alive, not doing too well, i had the interview today, I'm waiting to see if they call me now, last two or three nights i had to stay at the motel because I'm on my period and honestly its bad this month and its already difficult enough to be homeless, even more staying up all night on the streets and not always being able to find a bathroom in time, and its hurting a lot this month and its making me feel weak, idk why, might be the stress or the anemia???? Idk! Getting kinda tired of eating burgers, it's the cheapest option i have rn since I can't really have access to a kitchen, I'm stressed, I feel ugly, I'm in pain, I seriously need to cut my hair it's so hot here (it's summer), and I'm worried because the motel might be cheap but i can't keep going so often, it's - 20$ every night I stay and I can't afford it rn anymore, i need to eat and i need to buy things to shower and tampons and Idk, I can't keep doing this, I don't even know what am i going to do even if i get the job because I don't have a place to stay always and I sleep so little honestly, if it wasn't bc of my father I would be wealthy rn, we had money and he choose to give his property and money to his side chick

Im sorry if im not uploading often enough or answering to dms rn, im exhausted and i can't stop fucking crying, everything is so hard and everything hurts and I have no money and i don't know what else to do, I don't know how to maintain the job if I don't have shelter, I just don't know, and I keep running out of things and every time I have to make a payment i get anxiety at this point, I just want to have a home.. I miss my cat and I'm losing hope I'll ever find him

I'm nauseous, i want a hug so badly, I want to be comforted, I want to feel pretty again, I want a warm homemade meal, I want to take a long shower, I want to be comfortable, I want clean clothes, I want my mom

I went to the first house I ever lived at, my childhood house, I sat in front of it and stared at it, hoping someday i will be able to live there again, as i was doing that i saw a car park there, it was a mum and her two sons, they ran up to the door and the father opened it and they all hugged, I cried a lot, it makes me happy knowing that mi childhood home gets to be someone else's childhood home, but it was so sad at the same time, i want to live there, I miss my mom, I miss my home, I want to wake up to her breakfast again, i want to eat the food she used to make for me, I want my plushies and my toys back, I want my house back, I want to die so bad, I'm so fucking tired, i just wanted a home, all that i ever really wanted was a safe home to go back to everyday, i wanted to be safe

I don't want to die, but at the same time I do, I want peace, I want to feel the same peace i felt when I died for a second at the hospital, it felt so peaceful, like a mother's arms
Anyways, sorry for the bad English again, I don't have the energy to use a translator today
I hope you're all doing great today <3, I want you all to know that you are loved

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

24/02 - im alive, not doing too well, i had the interview today, I'm waiting to see if they call me now, last two or three nights i had to stay at the motel because I'm on my period and honestly its bad this month and its already difficult enough to be homeless, even more staying up all night on the streets and not always being able to find a bathroom in time, and its hurting a lot this month and its making me feel weak, idk why, might be the stress or the anemia???? Idk! Getting kinda tired of eating burgers, it's the cheapest option i have rn since I can't really have access to a kitchen, I'm stressed, I feel ugly, I'm in pain, I seriously need to cut my hair it's so hot here (it's summer), and I'm worried because the motel might be cheap but i can't keep going so often, it's - 20$ every night I stay and I can't afford it rn anymore, i need to eat and i need to buy things to shower and tampons and Idk, I can't keep doing this, I don't even know what am i going to do even if i get the job because I don't have a place to stay always and I sleep so little honestly, if it wasn't bc of my father I would be wealthy rn, we had money and he choose to give his property and money to his side chick

Im sorry if im not uploading often enough or answering to dms rn, im exhausted and i can't stop fucking crying, everything is so hard and everything hurts and I have no money and i don't know what else to do, I don't know how to maintain the job if I don't have shelter, I just don't know, and I keep running out of things and every time I have to make a payment i get anxiety at this point, I just want to have a home.. I miss my cat and I'm losing hope I'll ever find him

I'm nauseous, i want a hug so badly, I want to be comforted, I want to feel pretty again, I want a warm homemade meal, I want to take a long shower, I want to be comfortable, I want clean clothes, I want my mom

I went to the first house I ever lived at, my childhood house, I sat in front of it and stared at it, hoping someday i will be able to live there again, as i was doing that i saw a car park there, it was a mum and her two sons, they ran up to the door and the father opened it and they all hugged, I cried a lot, it makes me happy knowing that mi childhood home gets to be someone else's childhood home, but it was so sad at the same time, i want to live there, I miss my mom, I miss my home, I want to wake up to her breakfast again, i want to eat the food she used to make for me, I want my plushies and my toys back, I want my house back, I want to die so bad, I'm so fucking tired, i just wanted a home, all that i ever really wanted was a safe home to go back to everyday, i wanted to be safe

I don't want to die, but at the same time I do, I want peace, I want to feel the same peace i felt when I died for a second at the hospital, it felt so peaceful, like a mother's arms
Anyways, sorry for the bad English again, I don't have the energy to use a translator today
I hope you're all doing great today <3, I want you all to know that you are loved
I hope you're all doing great today <3, I want you all to know that you are loved

I'm so sorry <3 You said your haircut is 14 dollars right? I'll donate to help in any way... I'm so sorry you're going through this hun </3

I really hope you make it through. What you're going through is unbearable...

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

I'm so sorry <3 You said your haircut is 14 dollars right? I'll donate to help in any way... I'm so sorry you're going through this hun </3

It's not necessary sweetheart, you already help me enough as it is, and honestly anyways I'm always prioritizing food over comfort because i will die if I don't eat but i won't die if my hair it's uncomfy tbh, but tysm, and im sorry im not talking to you often lately, I've been so exhausted but i miss u and i think about you everyday, thank you for being here with me always, thank you for caring about me and making me feel loved

 

[whywere]

My heart breaks into millions of pieces reading this as the day after I turned 18 my "parents" drove me to our local town, I was raised on a working dairy farm, and dropped me off on a street curb and drove away. I had no money, no food, no shelter, no nothing period. I never heard from them again, 1005 their choice.

By the grace of GOD, a person that I kind of knew from high school drove by, stopped and asked me what was going on. After I told him, he told me to get in his mom's car and I went back to his parents' place. They welcomed me in with open arms, feed me, housed me and helped me to get on my feet and never charged me anything ever.

I pray and hope the best for you as we are ALL in this together on here, like one huge family, and I send you lots of hugs, hope that you get the position that you interviewed for, and the knowledge that you are a good friend to/for me and we are family period.

Walter

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

My heart breaks into millions of pieces reading this as the day after I turned 18 my "parents" drove me to our local town, I was raised on a working dairy farm, and dropped me off on a street curb and drove away. I had no money, no food, no shelter, no nothing period. I never heard from them again, 1005 their choice.

By the grace of GOD, a person that I kind of knew from high school drove by, stopped and asked me what was going on. After I told him, he told me to get in his mom's car and I went back to his parents' place. They welcomed me in with open arms, feed me, housed me and helped me to get on my feet and never charged me anything ever.

I pray and hope the best for you as we are ALL in this together on here, like one huge family, and I send you lots of hugs, hope that you get the position that you interviewed for, and the knowledge that you are a good friend to/for me and we are family period.

Walter

Yeah it really does break my heart reading how young she is getting kicked out... If she lived closer I would've offered to let her in a vacant room in my house.... not much but can work. Fuck all these "parents" who can't take care of their kids. I'm still affected by how my dad abandoned me

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

26/02 my head hurts, everything hurts. I got very drunk last night, i know, not a wise decision, I was between hurting myself or getting as drunk as possible to avoid it, neither are good i know, maybe I am the problem, I am why nobody has loved me, nobody is looking for me anyways, I should just die already, i know I won't be missed anyways, everyone expects me to kms anyways, I am no one's "oh but they were so full of life I didn't expect this" everyone already knows I'm suicidal, im sure it doesn't matter anymore, the only reason I stayed was to take care of my cat and I couldn't even do that, I'm so tired, I wish I could be drunk 24/7, in the end I am just like my mother and the story repeated itself, I understand why she was an alcoholic now
I hope I die

 

[MercenariesofMidgar]

26/02 my head hurts, everything hurts. I got very drunk last night, i know, not a wise decision, I was between hurting myself or getting as drunk as possible to avoid it, neither are good i know, maybe I am the problem, I am why nobody has loved me, nobody is looking for me anyways, I should just die already, i know I won't be missed anyways, everyone expects me to kms anyways, I am no one's "oh but they were so full of life I didn't expect this" everyone already knows I'm suicidal, im sure it doesn't matter anymore, the only reason I stayed was to take care of my cat and I couldn't even do that, I'm so tired, I wish I could be drunk 24/7, in the end I am just like my mother and the story repeated itself, I understand why she was an alcoholic now
I hope I die

I really hope things get better for you.... I know I'd miss you dearly, and seeing your posts around. Please let us know what happens with the job interview when you can <333

 

[Cyber4ngel!]

28/02 i miss my cat, its raining a lot today, i dont have an umbrella, i hope he is alive, i hope he is okay, i dont want him to get wet, I wish he was with me, i can't do this anymore

 

[Sbetto]

28/02 i miss my cat, its raining a lot today, i dont have an umbrella, i hope he is alive, i hope he is okay, i dont want him to get wet, I wish he was with me, i can't do this anymore

I hope you're in a dry place where you can take shelter.

 

[itbelikethat]

Hey, ive been homeless before, it fucking sucks. I also know what it's like to lose a beloved pet due to shitty fam situations.

I lived in a car for a while, if you can, find a gym with showers and get a membership there, 24 hr preferably. A monthly membership could be cheaper then one night in a motel.

Also look into becoming a truck driver, idk what country your from, but in mine they'll pay for your training and you'll have consistent access to showers and climate controlled bed, while also getting paid. I can explain that more later if you'd like.