I'm not talking about us meeting for a cult like trip out of here. It's that we would offer eachother so much support and compassion we would feel... welcome, we fit in somewhere, we are cared about. Even those of us with social anxieties standing around the outside someone would come up and start a conversation and we would feel... welcomed. I had to put that up it's not directly a reply to you. As you also see the same value I do in meeting and the compassion of many members here.
I'm here because well I was born into hell my 1st 18-20 yrs were hell. At 20 I had my son and found love and happiness in a way I never ever thought I would find. He died in a car accident 3yrs ago next month he was 25 and would be 28 now. I died when the officer came to my home and said he died in a car accident on his way to work. I never did view his body after the accident. He went from county medical examiner to the funeral home where he was cremated. I could not see my son damaged, I wanted my memory to be that morning when he was leaving for work- I said have a good day buddy I love you - I love you to ma and out the door he went. To see my beautiful boy damaged I think would have caused me more damage than his death already has. It would have been something I couldn't unsee and the funeral home agreed. I wanted to go to him and hold his hand. To talk to him, bring him a blanket I said he's cold. The funeral director I think knew in his state-the very large deep cuts and my mental state it was something I wouldn't handle. He said tell me what you want to say to him and on my way home I drive my the crematorium. I will hold his hand for you and tell him what you want to say.. I hope he did.
I bring him up because I can relate on the loss of a child and how devastating it truly is. "Ps the petitions to shut us down, have you seen the claims they make? Without evidence to back those allegations they are committing libel." Some names have been thrown around the forum and some websites. Yes, curiosity got me and I have looked. I can relate on the destruction left behind when our children go before us. I wish those parents could look at more threads and see that some have been here 2 years- that peer to peer is helping them. We have no where else safe to discuss how we feel and others have a genuine understanding. The level of compassion found here isn't easily found in real life. I said it a couple of times, look at the member count obviously everyone is not here to ctb. Others having gone through the same experiences posting advice of understanding and suggesting ways to try to see some hope are more common than hey just jump into the path of a train. This isn't a suicide cult as we have been described as. It is people from all over, every circumstance, without an ability to find people in life that understand us. Here we find people who care can relate to us and understand us. A certain name mentioned Shawn Shatto - this young lady was determined. If she hadn't found information here she would have tried something and been a vegetable. Another thing, normal people look at us like we are aliens. If they have never felt crippling depression they can't understand what someone else is going through. They have no clue what it's like being so sad you don't shower, you don't find love or understanding in people in our lives.
I personally want to thank the creators of this forum. I don't know what made me go from lurker to member. I am glad I have though so I can comment, participate and be here for anyone who needs me while I am here. My plan is to CTB October 13th the day my son died 12 hours from his death time. I have been told I have helped a couple of people. If I am of value to help I may stick around a little longer. The hell I went through if it can help others than there was a reason for it.