Venting A sudden comeback of suicidal thoughts?

[Conflict_]

I've been struggling with increasingly more frequent suicidal thoughts recently, after a long pause. They contribute to my feeling of being overwhelmed and they impair my ability to motivate myself to try my best. Those thoughts, I've decided, have been interfering with my day to day life just a tiny bit too much and so I decided to turn my attention to them.

I've noticed, that this time accompanying those thoughts was also a kind of mental blindness, a refusal to notice the values in my life I usually hold dear - my dreams, friendships, religion etc. What I find slightly confusing and stressful is the apparent lack of reason behind why those thoughts even appear in my life in the first place. Even though I'm still dependent on my family, I have the luxury of living comfortably. I don't feel any real hatred towards myself either.

I fear that one day those thoughts of mine might overtake the current "me" and make me take decisions which I wouldn't take in "clarity of mind". They've been getting the better of me, and so I've turned to this forum as a "first line of defense" before I go on and make a fuss about it to my family. I would also like to know whether I could find help somewhere anonymously with this issue. (preferrably without needing to physically talk too)

Have any of you had any similar experiences lately and if yes, have you found a way to hold back or cope with thoughts like this?

 

[jodes2]

I'd seek online therapy, you can talk to a trained professional by text without talking. It's better than nothing. If you want to recover, this forum might not be the best place for you, there's a lot of nihilism here and you won't get many prompts encouraging you to take proactive steps to fix your life!