Help A question to people who participate in self-harm

[CarbonBased]

I've been suicidal for years, but personally I never really had any sh urges for whatever reason (except maybe for minor ones?) Because of that I have always been curious about how it's like for people. I guess the most general question I could ask is why do you do it at all? Does it bring you some kind of psychological relief?

I was also wondering about what kind of pain you seek and why. I guess cutting and burns are common, but there are so many other ways people experience pain. You can have stomach/head ache, you can feel sore, you can feel pain when stretching, you can eat spicy food, you can feel your muscles ache when exercising, etc. Really, it's impressive how many ways to suffer nature has in stock for us. I'm pretty sure there is a good reason why you choose cutting, I just don't understand what it is.

I was also thinking about how human pain is studied academically. For ethical reasons the scientists can't cause you damage, so they have come up with ways of causing pain that don't leave permanent marks. One of the common ones is submerging your hand into ice-cold water and holding it in there for a couple minutes. It's technically not impossible to cause yourself some kind of lasting damage with this, but it is very unlikely. It's also very accessible and doesn't leave marks. Why not do that instead?

I hope you don't take my questions in bad faith. I don't judge anyone here and I'm just genuinely trying to understand how it all works. Thank you!

 

[neurotic]

For me, it started as a way to stay up late. My life was traumatic morning to sundown, I really couldn't leave my room, but at night, I could be myself in peace. So I wanted to live there longer. The pain kept me awake.

Then it turned into a drug. The cut would activate something deep inside me, awareness, energy, grounding. Whenever I felt lost, I would always feel the burning sensation that kept me present. I genuinely miss it and have considered doing it again, it's literally a drug, but I feel I'd lose all the progress I've made just doing it once.

I think for me the constant burning was my absolute obsession and love for it. During hot showers when it'd hit the cuts, I'd get butterflies. It's really crazy haha, it was an escape and grounding I didn't have in life, it correlated to safety. It's why I even stopped using blades and just started using dull nails (Yeah I know, definitely some messed up reasons there), pens, and keys. I wanted the deep, burning scratch, not necessarily scars or sharp cuts. You can't really get that kind of sensation or convenience with anything else.

I honestly don't like talking about it (Not that you asked bad question!!), just because I feel if I shed any positivity on it, it encourages someone to try it. It's a drug. It's temporary relief for a shitty situation. It just makes things worse.

Now I do things like shaving, skating, driving, music, and other healthy activities. I'm also trans now, and I love wearing revealing clothes! I couldn't really do it if I was self harming like I was!

Also I love your question! It's very thoughtful. Thank you for letting me express myself to you, I hope it answered at least a part of your question!

 

[CarbonBased]

For me, it started as a way to stay up late. My life was traumatic morning to sundown, I really couldn't leave my room, but at night, I could be myself in peace. So I wanted to live there longer. The pain kept me awake.

Then it turned into a drug. The cut would activate something deep inside me, awareness, energy, grounding. Whenever I felt lost, I would always feel the burning sensation that kept me present. I genuinely miss it and have considered doing it again, it's literally a drug, but I feel I'd lose all the progress I've made just doing it once.

I think for me the constant burning was my absolute obsession and love for it. During hot showers when it'd hit the cuts, I'd get butterflies. It's really crazy haha, it was an escape and grounding I didn't have in life, it correlated to safety. It's why I even stopped using blades and just started using dull nails (Yeah I know, definitely some messed up reasons there), pens, and keys. I wanted the deep, burning scratch, not necessarily scars or sharp cuts. You can't really get that kind of sensation or convenience with anything else.

I honestly don't like talking about it (Not that you asked bad question!!), just because I feel if I shed any positivity on it, it encourages someone to try it. It's a drug. It's temporary relief for a shitty situation. It just makes things worse.

Now I do things like shaving, skating, driving, music, and other healthy activities. I'm also trans now, and I love wearing revealing clothes! I couldn't really do it if I was self harming like I was!

Also I love your question! It's very thoughtful. Thank you for letting me express myself to you, I hope it answered at least a part of your question!

Thank you so much for approaching my question with such kindness and understanding! I couldn't have asked for more, really. I'm also glad you're doing better now and that you were able to accept your true self ^^

 

[kilowatt]

Does it bring you some kind of psychological relief?

It feels euphoric in a way, it's also a snap back into reality when enduring a panic attack or heavy breakdown. It's obviously an adrenaline rush, therefore providing both mental and physical relief.
The aftercare also does it for me. It's very pleasing to have something to care for and look after, even if it's a wound. The sort of thrill it's hard to put into words.

One of the common ones is submerging your hand into ice-cold water and holding it in there for a couple minutes. It's technically not impossible to cause yourself some kind of lasting damage with this, but it is very unlikely. It's also very accessible and doesn't leave marks. Why not do that instead?

Probably convenience. A lot of self harm related activities come as strong urges. I believe outlets for such we tend to associate with some form of violence. It's also hard to feel satisfied without visible marks. Individuals often only feel valid if their internal turmoil becomes a physical imprint.

 

[diospyros.kaki]

relief. distraction. curiosity (i like to see the blood and how easily the skin just... opens up). for me, it's not satisfying if i don't see blood (the more, the better). at this point in life i don't want visible sh scars so i've been using needles or cutting in places and ways that i can just excuse as an accident or easily hide if needed.

 

[FoolsExpedition]

it felt like i had control over something in my life for once and it made me feel powerful and sorta euphoric.

i also have chronic pain so the pain from self harming felt "good" because in a sense it was something different to what i was constantly feeling

 

[coolcow1289]

It brings psychological relief. It floods the body with endorphins and distracts from other psychological pain. It temporarily replaces psychological suffering with physical suffering

I've never cut myself or anything like that but I used to starve myself. I gaslit myself into believing it was just "fasting" but I would go weeks without any food. It caused all sorts of medical issues, some of which I still struggle with over a year later.

But I loved it. I felt calm and focused and much less pain when I was "fasting". But now I have both physical AND psychological issues as a result.

 

[hurts2b]

Everyone is different but in my case I cut myself.

Does it bring me relief?

Yes, at least some of the time. It can help me clear my mind. The main emotion it helps me deal with is rage. It doesn't always make things better though and it often stops working as a coping mechanism after a while.

So. Why do cut instead of some other method?

Well, there's something very mentally satisfying about seeing blood. You also get the opportunity to bandage your skin. It's a roundabout way to care for yourself.

Another thing about cutting: the pain is realitively mild and easy to predict. Headaches, for example, can last for hours and how much they hurt is veriable. Whereas with cutting the pain tends to subside pretty fast. And it's also consistent. You can expect the same results every time.

What about the marks?

I don't love them. But I started this habit at 14 years old before I had a concept of permanence. I just. Couldn't really find it in me to care. I hate my scars now but treatment options are limited. I can't change what I did back then. And so I don't really see the point in stopping now that I'm already covered in marks. Like. No matter what I do. I'm going to have scars across my body. Adding a few dozen more here and there doesn't really change anything.

 

[LRkin]

For me it's the feeling of control, some sort of relief, distraction and punishment at the same time. Like... You don't usually get to harm other people, so it's easier to harm yourself instead. Especially when you feel like you deserved it. First of all, it distracts you from psychological pain. And there's also an element of fascination. Seeing blood or bruises is satisfying. I started with cutting myself, but I stopped when I realised that people may actually notice marks on my skin. I started to use rubber bands instead. It stings when you hit yourself with it and it leaves bruises.

However, I wouldn't recommend sh, as it grows into addiction.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well the best way I can explain that is in my case, it helps to relieve some of the intense emotions I feel, when I do something wrong too, I sh.

When I'm more depressed is more likely I'll sh

Idk seeing blood is like idk just helps?
The bad sad is once you start is really really hard to stop. It feels like a drug like something you need. I dont recommend burning it didnt work for me.

I havent stopped completely I relapsed (but didnt bleed) also somettimes when their healing they itch a bit (putting that out there)

I hope that answers your question.

 

[buriedinmyhead]

It lets me see that my pain is real on the outside as well

 

[SweetSunflower]

i have done sh for multiple different reasons
1) To Feel Alive
ive been so numb, emotionless and just working like a machine with no thoughts at times, making me depressed, spiral further into much more loneliness to a point where even getting out of bed feels pointless, eating feels pointless, everything seems like a massive task ive to achieve to get by, I did sh at moments like these to make myself feel something

2) Intolerable Emotional Pain
Pretty much what it says, at times the burden of responsibilities, tasks, anger, depression has hit limits where i just cant frickin process, i cant do anything, id feel a massive sinkhole in my stomach, as if something inside my stomach is pulling everything in and i can barely breathe, i used to cut myself to distract my mind to physical pain

Also for your question about exercising, feeling sore or any different kind of pain, i feel like there is a massive difference on the type of pain that they induce compared to the cutting,
i use to powerlift at some point in time, i never really felt any pain but more like some struggle i have to get through, ive had multiple fractures, but these are all "annoying" types of pain,
me cutting myself, its like a drug, that i can just take and totally feel myself without it being a side activity i dont know how to say this in words but its weirdly like a feeling of having the control over the pain, the amount i want to induce and a massive sense of relief from everything that covers my head

 

[dianxia]

Hi, I personally do it because it feels good! I get a rush of adrenaline and afterwards I feel very calm. I guess i could compare it to a post-orgasm haze. It helps when I feel empty or when I'm overwhelmed because I have too many thoughts in my head, my brain can focus on the physical pain instead.