a poem of sorts?

[su1c1dal-dungeon]

are you looking for something?

what do you hope to find?

what is the peace you're searching for?

how do you see this ending for yourself?

it's September 21st 2023. it's a Thursday. it's 11:44pm, so technically it's almost a Friday. September 22nd 2023.

you have therapy on Fridays. this Friday is no different.

you lay awake thinking, as you tend to do. thinking about whether or not to tell your therapist that you think about killing yourself everyday.

wondering if you're even sick enough to warrant any worry.

remembering that you have an exam on Monday.

shit. you have an exam Monday.

maybe Tuesday you can kill yourself.

but your mom had surgery so you can't be selfish.

shit. are you really going to make it all about you?

everyday you want to kill yourself but your anxiety reminds you of all the shit you have to do.

you really don't want to do any of those things.

but you committed.

you booked those appointments, planned those tasks, promised to help around the house.

so when are you going to have the time to kill yourself?

you'll have to schedule it in your calendar, won't you?