a note about warning signs

[hotelandrea]

something i've always heard is that a warning sign of someone being near the point of ctb is that they will suddenly seem a lot happier. i have never lost someone close to me in this manner, so i had a hard time believing that to be true.

however, now that i'm in this position, i understand. i don't think my outward appearance during social interactions is necessarily "happy," but i am more carefree. it's easier to let things go that might've bothered me for much longer in the past, since soon enough it's not going to matter. there absolutely has been an internal shift in me since making the decision, but i don't think the outward manifestation is enough for others to notice. at least, no one close to me has seemed to pick up on it enough to show concern.

 

[kufajoy]

Yeah it happens when you accept your end

 

[Dejected 55]

I've heard that before... but it was not the case for me. The night I made my attempt last year was the worst I had felt in a long time. I had an experience that day that put me over the edge and wiped all the care out of my system and I wanted to go and I didn't look back until my attempt that night failed... twice... so I was definitely not happy or even neutral the day of my attempt.