Venting A new driving force or CTB

[Scacie]

I'm at a loss as to what to do. Recently I've effectively lost the force that was keeping me on and the force that's pushing me towards recovery. I've imagined my whole life with her. We've promised each other to live together and go together one day when we're ready. Now that's in limbo. Looking back, there was so many chances for both of us to be more, but nobody took that step and the moment is gone.
I used to drift through life, but I dont want to return to that again. I need something to hope for, something strong enough to keep me here and I can't find it. Sure, I have small goals like getting up the leaderboards of some games I play, getting a new milestone on games, or talking to the friends I have. None of these are strong enough or will be strong enough to keep me on here though.
I just want to go home. I just want to feel safe again, and it seems that that can't be achieved in this world. I suppose the meds are helping in the sense that its giving me a desire to find a goal like this again, but I'm so tired.
I really need advice on what to do next, should I just go? I dont want to drift through life aimlessly for however long it takes until I find something like this again

 

[tbroken]

Tbf the world is not waiting for you, there could be other opportunities to be happy, but there also could be other bad things happening. I'm negative because i met bad ppl, they never get tired and they are always animated by the desire to enjoy their dark stuff and ruin your life.
I'm like you in certain moments, i regain hope and i move, but then, all of a sudden, i remember all the bad things that happened to me and I know that there is a GREAT chance they could happen again, or even worst.
Sociopaths are evil and they never ever die. The only peace i found is staying at home and preparing suicide. They drained all my soul and happiness.
I don't also want to seem sexyst, but there are also good girls that know what they want and other greedy evil sociopaths bitches that will collect all the corpses and bones they find. Personally i don't want to repeat bad experiences anymore, better to be sad and in control, than slave of emotions that you don't want to feel and with the chance to not regain control anymore. Ppl are evil my friend, they really are.
Stay safe man.

PS: I met bad ppl that are also rich(money and properties wise) , two or three of my so called "friends", they are evil as fuck and it is not easy to get rid of them. I learnt to laugh at my incredibly disgusting life, but my inner child and my soul are broken af. Don't fight with the devil himself or multiple devils, you will ALWAYS loose, concentrate your power on easier, more achievable and affordable things.