Oct 8, 2020
I was just in a voice call with @Lilacmoon. She drank SN but she did not want to post a goodbye thread (she self-banned so it should take effect in 48 hours). I can't 100% confirm it but from what I have heard in the call it's 99% that she is gone.

1 hour before SN: 600 ibuprofen
45 minutes before SN: 3 x 10 mg Metoclopramide
30 minutes before SN: 2 x 10 Pepcid
2 x 25g SN, 50ml water

history of low blood pressure
fasting for ~20 hours

only voice call

16:25 drank SN in one go "fuck it, disgusting"
16:26 really strong nausea, but no burning sensation
16:27 feels fine apart from the slight nausea
16:28 uncomfortable, weight and pressure in the stomach, some feeling in the throat, heart starting to race
16:29 "not painful"
16:30 she can't tell if head hurts or not because she always had headaches, stronger nausea coming back
16:31 feeling a bit of a chill, shortness of breath can be heard but she has asthma
16:32 threw up multiple times
16:33 gag reflex
16:34 speech getting slower, "I'm going to drink the second one" (confirms that she drank it), throat burning
16:35 still vomiting, pretty hard after drinking the second glass, "pixie I'm scared"
16:36 "I'm so tired I feel [inaudible]" "I can't go on"
16:37 I can't understand what she is saying, sounds disoriented
16:38 mostly coughing without vomiting, strange sounds starting
16:39 loud snoring for a few seconds
16:40 sometimes hearing bigger breaths, mostly dying sounds similar to Xander's (Stubbe)
16:41 a few louder sounds and snoring
16:42 audio cut out and nothing can be heard for a minute
16:43-46 audio back, only quiet sounds can be heard a few times, it sounds like normal sleeping
nothing more after this

Rest in peace @Lilacmoon, you will forever be in my heart.


dressed for the grave.
Aug 24, 2020
I was there on the call too. just so thankful to have been there and assure her that she was not alone.

goodnight and god bless, @Lilacmoon. you were a valuable friend to me, and I'm glad I could be there in those last moments. I'm so sorry it came to this. may you be with the full moon tonight; I will always think of you when I look up at that beautiful moon, and the stars.

thankyou @MiseryLovesMyCompany for posting these logs, again, you did fantastically at recording this.

I love you, lilac. thank you for teaching me what you did: to be kind, accepting, and loving. sleep well, my darling.


Check in on your happy friend
Nov 10, 2020
Lilac has been around a lot and not seeing her here will feel a bit empty but hope she's found the peace she so deserved.

A big thank-you to everyone that was there with her and thank you @MiseryLovesMyCompany for the logs. Hope you guys take care of yourself during this time. :heart:


Nov 9, 2020
Dammit, any words are just cliché here… but rest in peace, Lilacmoon, you're going be missed here.
MiseryLovesMyCompany and degeneratewaste, thanks for sharing the log and supporting Lilacmoon on her way. Also - and I hope it doesn't sound cynical now - a lot of valuable information has been shared.


Hanging on is hard
Dec 2, 2019
Will miss you @Lilacmoon but so glad to know you're not suffering anymore.

Thinking of you both @MiseryLovesMyCompany and @degeneratewaste - hoping you're both doing ok after that. Thank you for sharing the loss and info with everyone. I believe it really helps people considering SN decide if it's the right choice for them. Grateful to @Lilacmoon for being willing to share her experiences to the end.
Deleted member 23586

Deleted member 23586

Hope ur final midnight feels like the hug you need
Nov 8, 2020
Thank you so much for being there with in her very final moments. I hope you are all ok as you can be after that.
Rest in peace dear. May you be with the moon finally. I'm sorry I never got to talk to you. I'm so sorry.
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