Venting A general thread for my vents and thoughts

[lv-nii]

August 17:
I got a job!

For a moment, I thought I could finally let my mind rest… or at least that's what I told myself. I really believed that going back to work would distract me, and for a while, it did. But now I've fallen right back into feeling the same as before—like shit.

The other day I was with my nephew. We were playing Half-Life, and I was showing him how to use a computer. Then we started talking about my dad (his grandpa). He loved him so much—he was his favorite. When he passed away, my nephew suffered a lot too, just like I did. What I didn't see coming was him saying: "I don't want to lose another family member. I really miss grandpa. Do you miss him too?"

Man… that broke me inside. I really don't want to leave him alone. Am I being selfish with myself? I don't ever want to hurt my nephew—I love that kid so much (he's only 8). I don't want him to go through the same pain I did. But honestly, I don't know how much longer I can keep holding on. I just… don't know what to do.

 

[EternalShore]

I'm sorry to hear, Iv-nii~ :( That must be so tough~ :( I'm sure he'll find out how awful the world is and understand when he's older, but that's just such a difficult situation rn~ :( it's hard to disappoint kids~ :<
it's neat that you got a job now~ :) even if, well, work sucks lots~ >_< but, hey, money is kinda important~ >_< and it's so neat that you have a nephew like that that you can play games and have fun with! ^_^

 

[lv-nii]

August 20: VENT

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU. I HOPE YOU DIE, YOU DAMN BITCH. I HOPE YOU DIE. I FUCKING HATE YOU. YOU MISERABLE DOG. YOU NEVER CARED ABOUT ME, NOT EVEN A LITTLE. YOU JUST WANTED TO USE ME FOR YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS. YOU HEARTLESS, MANIPULATIVE BASTARD. YOU DON'T DESERVE TO EXIST, YOU SON OF A BITCH. YOU ARE A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. I HOPE YOU DIE. I WISH I HAD NEVER TALKED TO YOU AGAIN. YOU DON'T DESERVE LOVE, YOU DON'T DESERVE ANYTHING. YOU DESERVE TO DIE. YOU ARE THE REASON I FEEL THIS WAY. IF I DIE, IT WILL BE BECAUSE OF YOUR FUCKING FAULT. YOUR FUCKING FAULT. YOU'LL CARRY THAT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, BECAUSE YOU DESERVE IT, DAMN IT. I HATE NOT BEING ABLE TO EXPRESS MYSELF AND JUST HAVING TO STAY QUIET, BECAUSE YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING I SAY.