Venting a friend sent me fake videos of her about to jump

[scenecore fan]

i just wanna vent.

a bit of context, im a trans woman, she is one as well.
we are both suicidal fucks.
she almost killed herself last week and shared videos of her about to jump from a building.

We were jokin around on discord and she called me her "husband" ofc i went like "MODS BAN HER SHE MISGENDERED ME" but it was an over the top reaction, i thought it was clear that i wasnt really offended, outta nowhere she says "i get misgendered too- you want me to die?" and i thought she was bein silly so i said "i respect your wishes bc i know the struggle" (yes i know, pro suicide rotten brain of mine), then i dm her sayin "dont go i lovs u" but she deadass sent me a video of her about to jump, at the moment i freaked out, yes i am pro suicide but i did not think she was going to kill herself just bc i said that i understand where her pain comes from and i respect that she also wants to die (bc im lowkey the same), i did not know what to do so all i could say was that i now understood she clearly didnt share my views on suicide, and told her im srry if what i said offended her. Then she went on a bit of a rant, sayin how on another server she also misgendered someone (on accident this time, her words not mine), the difference is that said person was mad, scolding her bc of that, and how she gets misgendered all the time bc of the country she lives in. And since i was bein all "help im misgendered halp" she took it as "oh well fuck yall imma kms".

I did not know what else to say so i told her again "im srry girl, i thought we were just being silly, i did not get mad when u called me that it was a joke", after that she just said smth like "its okay i'll live one more day" or some shi like that. then i remembered the other time she said to the server she was gonna kill herself, so i went and looked for the videos, and yeah, the video she sent me was the same she sent a week ago. i was mad, so i went back and told her smth like "that wasnt cool. i know the pain of keep goin day after day while you just wanna fucking die, thats why i said i respect your wishes. i do like having you around" she kept on sayin stuff like "ppl forget others after 3 days" and i got fed up and ended the convo by sayin "i dunno what u gon do rn, but i hope you stay safe, but if you dont, i hope you manage to find the peace we both are lookin for" she answered with an "ill be fine" message, i just said cool and stop answerin.

she later got mad at me bc i insulted someone who literally has nothing to do with her on the discord server, she apparently thought i was somehow talking about her (i literally sent a screenshoot of the guy i was insulting) and that was enough for me, i just said "why would i have been talkin bout u i literally insulted this other guy" and muted the server.

so yea, im a piece of shit i know.

 

[minnie8672]

I

i just wanna vent.

a bit of context, im a trans woman, she is one as well.
we are both suicidal fucks.
she almost killed herself last week and shared videos of her about to jump from a building.

We were jokin around on discord and she called me her "husband" ofc i went like "MODS BAN HER SHE MISGENDERED ME" but it was an over the top reaction, i thought it was clear that i wasnt really offended, outta nowhere she says "i get misgendered too- you want me to die?" and i thought she was bein silly so i said "i respect your wishes bc i know the struggle" (yes i know, pro suicide rotten brain of mine), then i dm her sayin "dont go i lovs u" but she deadass sent me a video of her about to jump, at the moment i freaked out, yes i am pro suicide but i did not think she was going to kill herself just bc i said that i understand where her pain comes from and i respect that she also wants to die (bc im lowkey the same), i did not know what to do so all i could say was that i now understood she clearly didnt share my views on suicide, and told her im srry if what i said offended her. Then she went on a bit of a rant, sayin how on another server she also misgendered someone (on accident this time, her words not mine), the difference is that said person was mad, scolding her bc of that, and how she gets misgendered all the time bc of the country she lives in. And since i was bein all "help im misgendered halp" she took it as "oh well fuck yall imma kms".

I did not know what else to say so i told her again "im srry girl, i thought we were just being silly, i did not get mad when u called me that it was a joke", after that she just said smth like "its okay i'll live one more day" or some shi like that. then i remembered the other time she said to the server she was gonna kill herself, so i went and looked for the videos, and yeah, the video she sent me was the same she sent a week ago. i was mad, so i went back and told her smth like "that wasnt cool. i know the pain of keep goin day after day while you just wanna fucking die, thats why i said i respect your wishes. i do like having you around" she kept on sayin stuff like "ppl forget others after 3 days" and i got fed up and ended the convo by sayin "i dunno what u gon do rn, but i hope you stay safe, but if you dont, i hope you manage to find the peace we both are lookin for" she answered with an "ill be fine" message, i just said cool and stop answerin.

she later got mad at me bc i insulted someone who literally has nothing to do with her on the discord server, she apparently thought i was somehow talking about her (i literally sent a screenshoot of the guy i was insulting) and that was enough for me, i just said "why would i have been talkin bout u i literally insulted this other guy" and muted the server.

so yea, im a piece of shit i know.

I don't think you're a Pos. It's clear you were joking around but still, it was very kind of you to apologize to her and be so considerate. I think she might just be in a really hypersensitive and emotional state but you shouldn't internalize that. You're also feeling suicidal, and how you feel also matters.

 

[LongJacks]

Some people are drama queens especially when it comes to jokes, they weaponize your own jokes against you so they make you feel like shit, happened to me more than once and I reacted and felt the same way as you did

My best advice is... ignore and move on (Might as well block her btw your choice)

 

[overlivedmystay]

Don't worry about it. Idk how old you guys are. But y'all sound like teens or very young adults and I remember talking to girls online when I was a teenager who had that same personality. Taking things way too seriously, drama stuff. For me this is like history repeating itself. You're all good. You're doing the best you can.