A decision.

[c4bomba]

I'm giving myself till October to actually get my shit together. I'll do everything I can (that's in my power) to improve my lifestyle. I'll work hard, study, socialize more, get fit, eat and sleep well. At least be on the path to get my highschool degree and try to get help once again, even when I wasted the help that was offered to me the first time, I won't waste it this time. I'll grow a pair and go through extreme humiliation if I have to just so I can get my life in order again. I'll do it and I mean it. But somehow, someway I STILL can't manage to get my life together by October 2026 then I'll rope. Realistically, I'm a bad person and also bad at being a person. I wasted so many opportunities just cowering in fear but no more I'll go all in if I have to. But it has to be done by October. If I am still slacking off then yeah rope it is.

Im so disgustingly useless and it's the most selfish thing in the world, everyone has problems I'm not the only one. So I'll try to be better, do better. I don't want to end up like my father I already have bunch of his traits and get compared to him by my mother alot who absolutely HATES his guts (TMI?) but i won't be like him I'll be better and an actually a dependable person this time. I can't end up like him I don't want myself to get myself to that level (or at least the way my mother views him, realistically he has major flaws but he's not a terrible inhumane piece of shit)


However, I have a small favor to anyone that wants to do this and stick with me through it and it's to hold me accountable and be as strict as possible. I realize that Internet isn't the place to be asking for this because just go to a school, there are plenty of teachers that'll do that but I'm not in school yet and I need constant reminder of the source of my shame often and humble myself. But it's a stupid request I understand if no one wants to do that but I'll find some way

 

[tonicer]

Weird request but i hope you find someone who wants to remind you. I can't do such things since i am not strict enough with myself. I mean i write job application after job application to finally get a job in my field which i studied hard for but besides that i don't do much either.

Question, why October of all months? Does that month hold any kind of significance for you?

 

[wine is fine but]

if you are serious, then 6 months may not be enough time
i would strongly suggest to put everything into what you are planning, so at the very least, your mind could be occupied enough to not think of negative thoughts. even if you have just 6 months to exist, they should be spent living as much as possible, and not just stumbling through each day with no dreams for the future and no purpose. quality of life is much more important than quantity of years

do not take any notice of your mum's views on how you might compare to the man she boofed all of those years ago. you did not introduce her to him. she was the one who brought you and him together. if blame is be apportioned, it is squarely at her feet

but, if in october, you may not feel like you have made it to where you wanted to be, but can see some very real progress, please think carefully about extending your date. for the most part, no one can really push you and be strict on you, but perhaps you can keep some kind of journal to list what your plans until october are, and what ones you have made progress with. even if they are just small steps, they all count. even have your own mission statement written down and taped to a mirror and keep telling yourself that every single day

as for being a bad person, we all do bad things at times. most times, we do not think they are bad when we do them. it is also up to other people's perceptions of what is bad and what is not. you might save someone from being assaulted, but by doing that, you might have beaten someone else up. was what you did good or bad. one person's family will think the former, and the other person's family will think the latter. if you wish to become a better person, then just always try and do things as you would like others to do to you, and do everything you do for the right reasons. swear to the sky and yell at clouds, if you must, but show compassion to others, and let the things that do not matter slide right on by. most things do not matter when it is all said and done, so make a conscience effort to stay both relaxed and to be nice to others (or at least not nasty)