hihi2027
Member
- Jul 29, 2026
- 97
Hi. My name is hihi2027. I would like to tell you my life story so far, and what got me into Sasu. It is not a very exciting story nor is it comparable to the traumatic stories that others have posted here. To be honest, I don't feel like I really deserve to even be allowed to be on this website, as indicated early, everyone I see on here has it way worse than I do. The only reason I'm writing this down is so that it is at least out there. If someone wants to know my story, here it is.
I'm not a good writer. My english teachers never gave me good feedback most of the time, so I don't expect anyone to make it to the end of this story before getting bored and to clicking onto another better written, more interesting story. I hope that you can at least give me a chance...
It's difficult to know where to start because much of my life is just a blur. I can't remember any of my childhood that much. I will get told stories, shown pictures, but nothing connects. I just can't remember much of it.
Life wasn't super lonely at this point, but I was never that popular. I didn't have many friends growing up, maybe just one or two and that was it. But it didnt matter because friendships were simple back then. You both like video games? Lets be friends. You both like pokemon? Instant friends. The problem was that we would move towns basically every year, so the friends wouldn't last long. But even so, a new friend would always show up so it was O.K.
Eventually parents got divorced and that's when life became worse. Naturally, any kid would be sad, but it affected me more than that. I felt like I was worthless and was worse than other kids who still had their parents together. It was 5th grade, the transitional phase into middle school. The kids were changing. Everyone was a bit more mean, more individual, more aloof, and rude. I couldn't keep up with the other kids, so I was often left out and alone. I can't say I had any friends during this time. Maybe they would try to talk to me but I was such a shy and boring piece of crap. I would play alone during free time since no one wanted to play with me. Even when they rarely did, people wanted to socialize more. Just sit down and talk. But I didn't know how to talk, I could barely speak in a basic social setting, my mind would just go blank. I played alone, no one needed me.
There was one person who I thought was my friend. We wouldn't hang out outside school or anything, but for a bit I wasn't alone. One day, they told me their grandma had passed away. But I just didn't even say anything, my mind went blank. Not even a "I'm sorry for your lost". One day after this interaction, the friend molested me and then never talked to me again. I became a total calm, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I never told anyone that this happened...
The middle school days. There's not much to say here because it's just the same shit... Mean kids, too shy and quiet to make any satisfying relationships. Lived with dad, who basically told me that my dreams of being an artist were bullshit and that I need to find better paying jobs so that I can take care of him when he's too old to wipe his ass. He made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Most of my middle school days were spent just trying to get through day after day. My escapes were video games and music.
Can't tell you much about my high school days. It was during the covid days, so all online. I had no friends and the suicide ideation grew and grew. It was always there in the past, but I think this is where it got worse and worse until the point of no return. I spent this era dissociating most of the time. I didn't feel like a fucking human being
After high school, I was just an empty husk who wanted to die. Dad immediatly pushed me into college. I didn't know what I wanted to do. How could I? I spent most of my life dissasociating. He didn't care, I needed to get in NOW... I just picked a random major and started classes. I did okay at first but started to fail classes because they literally did not interest me at all. I felt so depressed and alone, no motivation plus me being a lazy piece of shit, this is why I failed. Honestly, this era feels like a blur, too... I know I attempted suicide multiple times, but not much else. I remember being yelled at a lot for being a worthless piece of shit that needed to get their shit together and stop being a drain on the family.
Right now I feel like a husk with no soul. I don't talk to anyone unless it's needed, and even then it's the bare minimum. I feel empty and worthless with no purpose. All my dreams went to shit and it's very hard to see what the point of life is. I just want to curl up in a ball and shrink until I become a microscopic atom that it forgotten and unconcious. I really don't want to be here anymore... I will move away from dad pretty soon. I don't know if mom will be better but, idk, I want to see if a change is possible. It's not like I have access to easy ctb methods so this is my last chance before desparate measures
Thank you for reading this story if you made it this far. I know most people won't even react with a hug or heart or whatever, much less make it this far... If you didn't skip to this part, I want to ask if you can relate to any part of my story?
I'm not a good writer. My english teachers never gave me good feedback most of the time, so I don't expect anyone to make it to the end of this story before getting bored and to clicking onto another better written, more interesting story. I hope that you can at least give me a chance...
It's difficult to know where to start because much of my life is just a blur. I can't remember any of my childhood that much. I will get told stories, shown pictures, but nothing connects. I just can't remember much of it.
Life wasn't super lonely at this point, but I was never that popular. I didn't have many friends growing up, maybe just one or two and that was it. But it didnt matter because friendships were simple back then. You both like video games? Lets be friends. You both like pokemon? Instant friends. The problem was that we would move towns basically every year, so the friends wouldn't last long. But even so, a new friend would always show up so it was O.K.
Eventually parents got divorced and that's when life became worse. Naturally, any kid would be sad, but it affected me more than that. I felt like I was worthless and was worse than other kids who still had their parents together. It was 5th grade, the transitional phase into middle school. The kids were changing. Everyone was a bit more mean, more individual, more aloof, and rude. I couldn't keep up with the other kids, so I was often left out and alone. I can't say I had any friends during this time. Maybe they would try to talk to me but I was such a shy and boring piece of crap. I would play alone during free time since no one wanted to play with me. Even when they rarely did, people wanted to socialize more. Just sit down and talk. But I didn't know how to talk, I could barely speak in a basic social setting, my mind would just go blank. I played alone, no one needed me.
There was one person who I thought was my friend. We wouldn't hang out outside school or anything, but for a bit I wasn't alone. One day, they told me their grandma had passed away. But I just didn't even say anything, my mind went blank. Not even a "I'm sorry for your lost". One day after this interaction, the friend molested me and then never talked to me again. I became a total calm, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I never told anyone that this happened...
The middle school days. There's not much to say here because it's just the same shit... Mean kids, too shy and quiet to make any satisfying relationships. Lived with dad, who basically told me that my dreams of being an artist were bullshit and that I need to find better paying jobs so that I can take care of him when he's too old to wipe his ass. He made me feel like a worthless piece of shit. Most of my middle school days were spent just trying to get through day after day. My escapes were video games and music.
Can't tell you much about my high school days. It was during the covid days, so all online. I had no friends and the suicide ideation grew and grew. It was always there in the past, but I think this is where it got worse and worse until the point of no return. I spent this era dissociating most of the time. I didn't feel like a fucking human being
After high school, I was just an empty husk who wanted to die. Dad immediatly pushed me into college. I didn't know what I wanted to do. How could I? I spent most of my life dissasociating. He didn't care, I needed to get in NOW... I just picked a random major and started classes. I did okay at first but started to fail classes because they literally did not interest me at all. I felt so depressed and alone, no motivation plus me being a lazy piece of shit, this is why I failed. Honestly, this era feels like a blur, too... I know I attempted suicide multiple times, but not much else. I remember being yelled at a lot for being a worthless piece of shit that needed to get their shit together and stop being a drain on the family.
Right now I feel like a husk with no soul. I don't talk to anyone unless it's needed, and even then it's the bare minimum. I feel empty and worthless with no purpose. All my dreams went to shit and it's very hard to see what the point of life is. I just want to curl up in a ball and shrink until I become a microscopic atom that it forgotten and unconcious. I really don't want to be here anymore... I will move away from dad pretty soon. I don't know if mom will be better but, idk, I want to see if a change is possible. It's not like I have access to easy ctb methods so this is my last chance before desparate measures
Thank you for reading this story if you made it this far. I know most people won't even react with a hug or heart or whatever, much less make it this far... If you didn't skip to this part, I want to ask if you can relate to any part of my story?
