28 year old male from UK who suffers from quite severe mental health problems and bowel problems, alongside other things

[TheNihilisticViking]

Hi all!

I'm a 28 year old male of mixed origins (Irish, Scandinavian and British) from UK who suffers from depression/anxiety (since they unfortunately come as a pair and feed off of each other) - combined with OCD and mild PTSD, plus I also show signs/symptoms of mild ADD and possible aspergers (I'd need a formal diagnosis to confirm/validate this though). I'm on Prozac/Fluoxetine for my mental health problems, which is one of the most powerful antidepressants on offer and I still feel like poop most of the time and I've been on Zoloft/Sertraline in the past and felt similar on those.

My mental health problems stem back to my childhood because my parents used to argue quite a lot (my mum used to be somewhat of an alcoholic and my dad is a peacekeeper and only stayed with my mum because of me and my brother) which is understandable and I have respect for my dad because he did sacrifice quite a lot to have me and my brother. On the other hand, I was chronically quite severely bullied in school and even into my early adulthood which has damaged me mentally in several ways. Also, I'm 100% sure that my mum's side of family has some kinda inherited mental health problems because my mum and her siblings all showed some kinda mental health problems. My mum was prescribed a low dosage of Citalopram, but she takes it on and off and doesn't commit to it.

In addition to my mental health problems I also suffer from bowel problems (apparently IBS according to doctors) which may be caused by my mental health problems because there is a slight link between the brain and the gut which is still being studied by scientists/researchers. My IBS symptoms are quite convoluted because sometimes I'll get constipation for weeks and months on end and then all of a sudden I'll get diarrhoea episodes. When it comes to treatment for that, I've been prescribed some stuff to help my IBS in the past (Laxido/Movicol) since my IBS is mostly constipation, but that just caused diarrhoea. I also have issues digesting lactose/dairy, eggs, caffeine and some types of fibres and possibly proteins. I sometimes wonder if I have crohns disease/ulcerative colitis, but it's hard getting the doctors to listen to me and request the needed tests for these things. Plus, if it turns out I do have crohns disease/ulcerative colitis, I will end up needing a stoma bag eventually and that will be the cherry on the cake for me. At that point I just will do whatever I can to escape this.

All of my problems are a perfect concoction for me to want to self delete myself from this pathetic mundane existence on this pathetic cesspit of suffering that we call "Earth". Also, you may be able to see in my username that I don't believe in a god since I'm an Atheist/Nihilist, but I'm also Anti-Natalist/Efilist and I'm kinda interested in Pro-Mortalism, too. However I'm not very vocal about certain things because they can be quite controversial to talk about for some people.

I hope some people can relate to me. Thanks for reading. I want to add more details, but it's hard to describe how I feel without sound like a nutjob.

 

[FireFox]

Hello @NihilisticAtheist94 I live in the UK too or circus Island as I call it. I am 26 year old woman. I suffer from anoxeria. I abuse laxatives and diet pills. It has caused me some health problems but I don't care really. I am not going to stop.

I really wanted to live and be happy. I tried so hard to improve my life. I know I don't want to live for another decade.

I call the UK circus island because the country is a joke except none of this is funny nor entertaining.

Dms are always open if you need a friend to talk too

 

[FuneralCry]

This world truly is such a hellish place and it's true that existence itself is the ultimate problem, so the more people that hold anti-natalist views the better. Procreation is extreme cruelty and the human species should certainly go extinct, realistically by people no longer forcing life here. And anyway anti-natalism and efilism shouldn't be seen as controversial as they are anti-suffering philosophies which are against the prolonging of torture, existence in general is such a mistake, it would be better if there was nothing. But anyway I wish you the best, it's very much understandable wishing to be free from all the suffering that existing brings.

 

[AerialBoundaries]

Very relatable post, mate. I'm up in Scotland.

Trying to get in touch with a diagnostic team for ASD, is exceedingly difficult. If I never found documentation from when I was a child, they would've just shown me the door. Apparently there was nothing wrong with me because I never had "speech difficulties". You might find if you do get in touch about a diagnosis, they will send unqualified people. I had 2 people come my house and talk to me for 15 mins and at the end they said "I don't see autism in you". How could they possible deduce that from a 15 minute conversation? In my view, they were social workers masquerading as mental health professionals. The 2nd time around I had found the documentation and the person I went to see was actually a specialist in the field. She said there was no doubt in regards to me being on the spectrum.

Pursuing getting a diagnosis might not make you feel any better, but I find it reassuring in ways and blame myself less for how things ended up in life for me.

Your GP will just keep prescribing SSRIs and hope for the best. I've been on them all over the years and decided to just go without in the end, since I don't want to be miserable and have the side effects of the medication. They do work for some, though and I certainly wouldn't discourage you using them if you're getting positive benefits.

I'm an atheist, as well. Grew up in a strict Catholic family, but decided against religion at 16. I never truly believed in it, at any point. I always get asked why I don't believe, but I never tell them. If I told them, they'd be doubting their own religion and existence and that's a journey a person has to make on their own.

You're among good people here.

 

[OceanBlue]

I want to add more details, but it's hard to describe how I feel without sound like a nutjob.

I'm an Atheist/Nihilist, but I'm also Anti-Natalist/Efilist and I'm kinda interested in Pro-Mortalism, too.

You and these topics are welcome - feel free to vent, hope you find some comfort here.

 

[TheNihilisticViking]

Very relatable post, mate. I'm up in Scotland.

Trying to get in touch with a diagnostic team for ASD, is exceedingly difficult. If I never found documentation from when I was a child, they would've just shown me the door. Apparently there was nothing wrong with me because I never had "speech difficulties". You might find if you do get in touch about a diagnosis, they will send unqualified people. I had 2 people come my house and talk to me for 15 mins and at the end they said "I don't see autism in you". How could they possible deduce that from a 15 minute conversation? In my view, they were social workers masquerading as mental health professionals. The 2nd time around I had found the documentation and the person I went to see was actually a specialist in the field. She said there was no doubt in regards to me being on the spectrum.

Pursuing getting a diagnosis might not make you feel any better, but I find it reassuring in ways and blame myself less for how things ended up in life for me.

Your GP will just keep prescribing SSRIs and hope for the best. I've been on them all over the years and decided to just go without in the end, since I don't want to be miserable and have the side effects of the medication. They do work for some, though and I certainly wouldn't discourage you using them if you're getting positive benefits.

I'm an atheist, as well. Grew up in a strict Catholic family, but decided against religion at 16. I never truly believed in it, at any point. I always get asked why I don't believe, but I never tell them. If I told them, they'd be doubting their own religion and existence and that's a journey a person has to make on their own.

You're among good people here.

Ditto! I'm near Manchester and I also grew up in a kinda religious oriented household/family to some extent, but not necessarily a specific denomination of Christianity (my dad is of Irish/Scandinavian origin because his great grandparents were Catholics and Lutherans who actually moved to the UK from Ireland, Sweden and Norway (and also Finland) in the late 1800s, but my mum is just British with some possible Danish roots as far as I know). I assume you have some Irish roots due to your Catholic household. I don't really want to express how much I despise Catholicism, but you can probably guess it's quite a lot because I revoked my baptism with the place I got baptised.

Hello @NihilisticAtheist94 I live in the UK too or circus Island as I call it. I am 26 year old woman. I suffer from anoxeria. I abuse laxatives and diet pills. It has caused me some health problems but I don't care really. I am not going to stop.

I really wanted to live and be happy. I tried so hard to improve my life. I know I don't want to live for another decade.

I call the UK circus island because the country is a joke except none of this is funny nor entertaining.

Dms are always open if you need a friend to talk too

Much appreciated! I can relate to your digestive system problems because they're also interlinked with your mental health problems according to what you're saying.

This world truly is such a hellish place and it's true that existence itself is the ultimate problem, so the more people that hold anti-natalist views the better. Procreation is extreme cruelty and the human species should certainly go extinct, realistically by people no longer forcing life here. And anyway anti-natalism and efilism shouldn't be seen as controversial as they are anti-suffering philosophies which are against the prolonging of torture, existence in general is such a mistake, it would be better if there was nothing. But anyway I wish you the best, it's very much understandable wishing to be free from all the suffering that existing brings.

You're 100% correct. This existence where you're fully conscious and can feel almost every bit of pain is horrible. My brain is fighting my biological need to stay alive. Also, I'm scared of failing a self delete attempt (I've tried before, but the pain got too intense). I watch a lot of videos on YouTube related to my views to show me I'm not alone such as Life is Overrated96, Pointless Rat Race, Efil Blaise (he did kill himself though), A Cardinal Consideration, etc.

 

[peaceindeath]

Sorry for your suffering. You are not alone. This world and our brains are far from.ideal.

 

[Haruka]

Hi :) I'm a 19 year old student in the UK, my mother unfortunately passed away due to alcoholism over two years ago and all I do is think of her, I love her and I lost my mother and best friend in one...

I also suffer with depression and anxiety (they really do come as a pair, don't they?), as well as anorexia and many other mental disorders. My DM is always open if you need a friend - I'm quite lonely so maybe we could help each other out :)