13 Suicide Attempts In Less than A Year

[boyafraid]

Hello friends (:

I usually don't make threads on here but I wanted to share my story up to now. As the title says, I have tried to end my own life 13 times in less than a year. My first attempt being on November 19, 2025
Everything since my first attempt has felt like some weird dream. A dream that I still can't wake up from. It feels like I can't wake up from this dream until I finally commit suicide. Most days since then, I dissociate a lot.

My most recent attempt was almost 3 weeks ago if I remember correctly. After so many attempts the details start to blur a little bit. I feel horrible because my amazing friend and other people here thought I had successfully ctb... after giving up on the method I was trying, I sent her a message explaining the situation and saying sorry for everything... After all my attempts, I never had a realization that I wanted to continue living. I just kept thinking on what new method to try, or what to do different so I can finally commit suicide.... I have been through a lot and just want everlasting peace ):

A little more about my friend because I'm so grateful she is in my life. We originally met on here, and were going to be ctb partners. We live in the same state, shared similar interests, similar values, and just had a lot in common. We talked for about one month and got really close to each other. Eventually we decided we were going to ctb together. We decided to hangout before we did ctb to get to know each other more. Short story I had a lot of fun hanging out with her. Maybe I got attached to quickly but I realized I could not ctb with her. Even though, we called off being ctb partners, we started hanging out at least once a week, sometimes more. It's almost been 3 months as friends and I could not be more happy to have her in my life! She is the coolest, kindest, and most empathetic person I have ever met (:

I still want to commit suicide, I've been wanting it since I was 14 and now I'm 20. I started saving up money for this new method that is a lot quicker and more likely to work....

Again, I am so, so sorry for anyone here who thought I had ctb succesfully ):

I'm so grateful to have a community like this where people can share their feelings and stories without judgement (:

 

[SASU-KE]

It's good to have friends like that. I hope you know how lucky you are to have gotten someone who you can actually spend time with IRL.Your friend is lucky too.


You'll certainly be less lonely and I hope you are as happy as can be at least until the time comes,if it does.

 

[funkopop99]

Hello friends (:

I usually don't make threads on here but I wanted to share my story up to now. As the title says, I have tried to end my own life 13 times in less than a year. My first attempt being on November 19, 2025
Everything since my first attempt has felt like some weird dream. A dream that I still can't wake up from. It feels like I can't wake up from this dream until I finally commit suicide. Most days since then, I dissociate a lot.

My most recent attempt was almost 3 weeks ago if I remember correctly. After so many attempts the details start to blur a little bit. I feel horrible because my amazing friend and other people here thought I had successfully ctb... after giving up on the method I was trying, I sent her a message explaining the situation and saying sorry for everything... After all my attempts, I never had a realization that I wanted to continue living. I just kept thinking on what new method to try, or what to do different so I can finally commit suicide.... I have been through a lot and just want everlasting peace ):

A little more about my friend because I'm so grateful she is in my life. We originally met on here, and were going to be ctb partners. We live in the same state, shared similar interests, similar values, and just had a lot in common. We talked for about one month and got really close to each other. Eventually we decided we were going to ctb together. We decided to hangout before we did ctb to get to know each other more. Short story I had a lot of fun hanging out with her. Maybe I got attached to quickly but I realized I could not ctb with her. Even though, we called off being ctb partners, we started hanging out at least once a week, sometimes more. It's almost been 3 months as friends and I could not be more happy to have her in my life! She is the coolest, kindest, and most empathetic person I have ever met (:

I still want to commit suicide, I've been wanting it since I was 14 and now I'm 20. I started saving up money for this new method that is a lot quicker and more likely to work....

Again, I am so, so sorry for anyone here who thought I had ctb succesfully ):

I'm so grateful to have a community like this where people can share their feelings and stories without judgement (:

Can I ask you something? Do you actually want to die? 13 attempts with a resource like this? I don't know if you want to die as badly as you say you do.