Zoldipem/ambien made me just a shell of who I was

[dkrw]

I really miss myself. I had so much potential.
I made horrible changes to myself that are impossible to reverse while under influence of sleeping medications (12.5mg zolpidem + 25mg quetiapine).

The future now scares me so much.
All this time all I wanted was to go back to who I was. While attempting to do so, I completely created a monster. Looking in the mirror scares me.

My biggest wish is to have a Time Machine … I would do so many things differently. I want to have a second chance at this life, but I have already scarred myself too much. I am so afraid of the days to come.

I am so addicted to the sleeping medications— I cannot go on without them and at the same time I keep having nightmares. Still, my nightmares are better than my reality.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I'm so sorry, sound so painful... I also took Zolpidem, was starting to get addicted when they stopped giving me more. I still crave it to this day if I think too much about it. It ruined my memory and concentration, never quite got back to how I was.

I presume your case is much, much worse than mine.
What changes did you make that are impossible to reverse? If you want to share of course...
Is there a way to break off of the addiction? Or other things that can bring relief...?

 

[Praestat_Mori]

A clear case of psych meds destroying a life. I'm sorry you have to go through this.