Venting “You’re too depressed to handle”

[mob]

I've been rotting in bed this whole weekend, and if I didn't have a job and bills to pay I'd do that every day. I can't even do a whole week of work, I call in sick more often now.

I'm so, so, so exhausted, depressed and tired. My partner has been acting off the past few days, and while I've been wanting something as simple as a hug, I'm constantly pushed away. She told me I'm too depressed to handle, I rot in bed all day, I'm mentally not available, we don't do much anymore, I don't put in any effort.

And I genuinely want to die, but if I told her that she'd have a meltdown and instantly break things off. My set date is the 16th of december, 2026 - so in two years. Why this date? I don't know, I still want to wait with ctb because there's things I want to experience before I go.

The last time I did tell her about my suicidality was last year in September, and that was the last time she genuinely acted nice to me, just until I got on antidepressants and had more energy.
I do think I put in the effort; she's been sick the past days and I've been taking care of her even though I don't have the energy for it. I do the household. I buy her flowers, knowing she wouldn't do the same for me. Each and every time she threatens to kick me out while knowing I have literally nowhere else to go (we live together, and I also pay rent and everything else as much as her), each and every time she loses her temper and gets all harsh to me, telling me to "fuck off", to "shut the fuck up" and more, I forgive her. But what do you do when even your best, even when you're pushing yourself over your limits, isn't enough? What do you do when the person you love tells you she wants to go ahead and screw other people? What if you're not enough anymore?

I'm so fucking tired I can't put it into words. It's not my fault, it's not like I want to feel this way, not when I was thirteen, not now, almost seven years later, it's not like I enjoy feeling like this. I'm even too exhausted to self harm. I'm constantly dehydrated because I can't get up to get a cup of water. My grey hairs have multiplied in the last year from the constant stress I'm under - and I'm only 19. Every day is fucking torture. And instead of getting what I need from the person I need it most - just some simple affection - I get arguments. I'm so, so tired.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I've been rotting in bed this whole weekend, and if I didn't have a job and bills to pay I'd do that every day. I can't even do a whole week of work, I call in sick more often now.

I'm so, so, so exhausted, depressed and tired. My partner has been acting off the past few days, and while I've been wanting something as simple as a hug, I'm constantly pushed away. She told me I'm too depressed to handle, I rot in bed all day, I'm mentally not available, we don't do much anymore, I don't put in any effort.

And I genuinely want to die, but if I told her that she'd have a meltdown and instantly break things off. My set date is the 16th of december, 2026 - so in two years. Why this date? I don't know, I still want to wait with ctb because there's things I want to experience before I go.

The last time I did tell her about my suicidality was last year in September, and that was the last time she genuinely acted nice to me, just until I got on antidepressants and had more energy.
I do think I put in the effort; she's been sick the past days and I've been taking care of her even though I don't have the energy for it. I do the household. I buy her flowers, knowing she wouldn't do the same for me. Each and every time she threatens to kick me out while knowing I have literally nowhere else to go (we live together, and I also pay rent and everything else as much as her), each and every time she loses her temper and gets all harsh to me, telling me to "fuck off", to "shut the fuck up" and more, I forgive her. But what do you do when even your best, even when you're pushing yourself over your limits, isn't enough? What do you do when the person you love tells you she wants to go ahead and screw other people? What if you're not enough anymore?

I'm so fucking tired I can't put it into words. It's not my fault, it's not like I want to feel this way, not when I was thirteen, not now, almost seven years later, it's not like I enjoy feeling like this. I'm even too exhausted to self harm. I'm constantly dehydrated because I can't get up to get a cup of water. My grey hairs have multiplied in the last year from the constant stress I'm under - and I'm only 19. Every day is fucking torture. And instead of getting what I need from the person I need it most - just some simple affection - I get arguments. I'm so, so tired.

35 had a partner for 4 years. We didn't do the swearing you talk about and don't smoke or drink but she left. Business (mine) got bad and depression hit heavily. Also factor in undiagnosed autism which obviously didn't help at all. She left in the end. Some of her last words were "you are family". My logically side thinks women operate more on emotions so they can pretty much flip a switch and be done. Doesn't help the situation but that's what I saw and experienced. I think I'm going to put all the stuff into a box and write "TRAUMA - DONT HAVE ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP" . That was my first one and I wasn't going around being a manwhore like I saw others do. Just not the way my brain is wired. She either left because of the finances or the depression or both. Either way it's still fucked up. Given that if she was ill I would do what I can to help but the other way around it's dead in the water.

People = shit
Animals = saved (at least for now).

 

[tbroken]

Imo in life and in this stupid society, men have to focus on gaining skills and some money and make friends to share passions with.
Love, marriage and other stuff are not pure emotions, but are tools the smart/evil people use to live upon others...

 

[untothedepths]

In my opinion if what you say is true you are with an extremely selfish and terrible person OP, you sound like you are being abused. Do you share the lease? Depending on where you live they can't just kick you out. Maybe think about living on roommate terms and leaving if possible.

 

[mob]

In my opinion if what you say is true you are with an extremely selfish and terrible person OP, you sound like you are being abused. Do you share the lease? Depending on where you live they can't just kick you out. Maybe think about living on roommate terms and leaving if possible.

Thanks. What I'm saying is all true, yes, I do genuinely get treated like this lol. My partner has a personality disorder which makes her act the way she does.

Update though, we broke up and decided to, like you said, live on roommate terms before I can move out.

For some reason, I feel strangely relieved.

 

[UKscotty]

Two people together... both with mental health issues is hard work. I've been there too many times.

I think in general we are a lot to handle so if both are this way it can be toxic.

I don't think I could handle dating someone with depression or anxiety again. Was way too draining on my own health in hindsight.

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Imo in life and in this stupid society, men have to focus on gaining skills and some money and make friends to share passions with.
Love, marriage and other stuff are not pure emotions, but are tools the smart/evil people use to live upon others...

I mean you aren't wrong. Boomers I saw growing up seemed to always be social climbing, status driven, narcissistic, etc. I didn't see one set of parents who seemed "ok".
Marriage rates I believe even in 60-70% divorce rates. Those odds are terrible. If you had to gamble you wouldn't do it because you'd lose the majority of the time. I read that women initiate most divorces percentage wise but regardless the system seems to support the divorce stuff - free government money, one person paying the other, solicitors and lawyers getting resources from it.
It's almost as if breaking down people is good for the powers that be - means you can't fight back. One thread I read here was about race but I think that's not the main issue. I didn't see black rich clients complain about race - they complained about not getting more money. All races did this from my experience.

Top 1% vs everyone else. Control, power, etc. We are slaves, peasants, worker class, whatever you want to call it. That's how they gas light you "oh you don't want to work for £21,000 a year, you must be lazy". Yeah the rent is £14,000 a year and that doesn't include bills or council tax or food or insurance or nothing. Basically kill yourself each day to make the company/boss rich while you rot away.

Two people together... both with mental health issues is hard work. I've been there too many times.

I think in general we are a lot to handle so if both are this way it can be toxic.

I don't think I could handle dating someone with depression or anxiety again. Was way too draining on my own health in hindsight.

Unfortunately that's the majority of people - the ones that don't look depressed are probably depressed. I had a normie say he destroys his body at work and doesn't have the energy to work out when home due to it BUT to everyone else he smiles and all think he is happy. The majority of people are like this. Unless you have such a low IQ that you don't have any self awareness. I think that life would be kind of bliss as you don't have to suffer in your own mind.

 

[tbroken]

I mean you aren't wrong. Boomers I saw growing up seemed to always be social climbing, status driven, narcissistic, etc. I didn't see one set of parents who seemed "ok".
Marriage rates I believe even in 60-70% divorce rates. Those odds are terrible. If you had to gamble you wouldn't do it because you'd lose the majority of the time. I read that women initiate most divorces percentage wise but regardless the system seems to support the divorce stuff - free government money, one person paying the other, solicitors and lawyers getting resources from it.
It's almost as if breaking down people is good for the powers that be - means you can't fight back. One thread I read here was about race but I think that's not the main issue. I didn't see black rich clients complain about race - they complained about not getting more money. All races did this from my experience.

Top 1% vs everyone else. Control, power, etc. We are slaves, peasants, worker class, whatever you want to call it. That's how they gas light you "oh you don't want to work for £21,000 a year, you must be lazy". Yeah the rent is £14,000 a year and that doesn't include bills or council tax or food or insurance or nothing. Basically kill yourself each day to make the company/boss rich while you rot away.

I know, plus I had some trauma and negative experiences that taught me that is better to move, than stay a long time in the same place, and the same is valid for long term relationships. Poor people get married just because of social pressure and to don't appear "strange". Females that rush to marry, many times just want your money and than do what they want.

 

[sserafim]

Basically kill yourself each day to make the company/boss rich while you rot away.

Unfortunately that's the majority of people - the ones that don't look depressed are probably depressed. I had a normie say he destroys his body at work and doesn't have the energy to work out when home due to it BUT to everyone else he smiles and all think he is happy. The majority of people are like this. Unless you have such a low IQ that you don't have any self awareness. I think that life would be kind of bliss as you don't have to suffer in your own mind.

If the majority of people are depressed, why don't more people ctb then? I don't understand

 

[Throwawayacc3]

If the majority of people are depressed, why don't more people ctb then? I don't understand

Delusion, trauma, many things. I mentioned one friend before who I've know for over 2 decades and said how did you feel when you father was constantly shouting in the house to your mum. I was at his house most of my childhood. His response? "I think my parents did a good job". So instead of saying yes or no the answer he's given is that the job is correct. This is either so much trauma that he doesn't realise (akin to Stockholm syndrome stuff) OR so delusional that he deems that normal.

I know, plus I had some trauma and negative experiences that taught me that is better to move, than stay a long time in the same place, and the same is valid for long term relationships. Poor people get married just because of social pressure and to don't appear "strange". Females that rush to marry, many times just want your money and than do what they want.

That's a trauma response. Moving around often is like your "escapism". It's pretty common with single parent household children.
If you had your own place, own dog, own set of things to do and enjoy you wouldn't move around as much. I just realised my previous and only partner moved around a lot with her mother during her younger years and that's probably another reason why she just left.

 

[tbroken]

That's a trauma response. Moving around often is like your "escapism". It's pretty common with single parent household children.
If you had your own place, own dog, own set of things to do and enjoy you wouldn't move around as much. I just realised my previous and only partner moved around a lot with her mother during her younger years and that's probably another reason why she just left.

I'm not single parent son, but I had some family disorders.
It is more complicated than that, because i had a semi-serious injury during youth and really nobody cared and I was not speaking to anyone, because i did not trust anyone.
Plus my hometown is not one of the best, there is a lot of ignorance and evil.
I move a lot because of the physical trauma and because i generally don't trust other people,how can I when they put me into this mess?
Anyway when i was really young my dad left for some years , and he came back when i was 4 years old.

 

[divinemistress36]

If the majority of people are depressed, why don't more people ctb then? I don't understand

Most people are terrified of death

 

[Throwawayacc3]

I'm not single parent son, but I had some family disorders.
It is more complicated than that, because i had a semi-serious injury during youth and really nobody cared and I was not speaking to anyone, because i did not trust anyone.
Plus my hometown is not one of the best, there is a lot of ignorance and evil.
I move a lot because of the physical trauma and because i generally don't trust other people,how can I when they put me into this mess?
Anyway when i was really young my dad left for some years , and he came back when i was 4 years old.

But that's what I mean. He left for a period of time (doesn't matter how long - it affects brain development) and the trauma stuff just got added on (injury and nothing done about it). Yeah that's what I meant generally - trauma makes you avoid situations where it can potentially happen again.

If you have a bond with a parrot and pass away of go away for an extended period of time, you know what they do? They feather pluck due to stress. Some even start mutilating their own feet and other areas. I believe parrots do way more damage to themselves compared to humans when this stuff happens. Yes we can still eat and be alive but we feel down but parrots do it to the point of death sometimes. They are one type of animal that when it gets sick it doesn't show symptoms so by the time you catch it it's already too late and they are waiting on deaths door.

 

[sserafim]

If you have a bond with a parrot and pass away of go away for an extended period of time, you know what they do? They feather pluck due to stress. Some even start mutilating their own feet and other areas. I believe parrots do way more damage to themselves compared to humans when this stuff happens. Yes we can still eat and be alive but we feel down but parrots do it to the point of death sometimes. They are one type of animal that when it gets sick it doesn't show symptoms so by the time you catch it it's already too late and they are waiting on deaths door.

Why do they do that? Parrots are whack

Most people are terrified of death

SI be like "hi, it's me again, I'm back"

Imo in life and in this stupid society, men have to focus on gaining skills and some money and make friends to share passions with.
Love, marriage and other stuff are not pure emotions, but are tools the smart/evil people use to live upon others...

What do women have to focus on?

 

[LevUwU]

I understand that feeling. I'm sorry it's happening to you. My friends have for a long time been the ones who have kept me up and alive and I've lost a lot of friends due to being "Too much." From the sounds of it though, It seems that you and your girlfriend are doing okay, just understand that you're still going at the least, and your girlfriend is there for you. Partnerships are meant to be shared, and you seem to be doing your share enough. Best of luck <3

 

[tbroken]

But that's what I mean. He left for a period of time (doesn't matter how long - it affects brain development) and the trauma stuff just got added on (injury and nothing done about it). Yeah that's what I meant generally - trauma makes you avoid situations where it can potentially happen again.

If you have a bond with a parrot and pass away of go away for an extended period of time, you know what they do? They feather pluck due to stress. Some even start mutilating their own feet and other areas. I believe parrots do way more damage to themselves compared to humans when this stuff happens. Yes we can still eat and be alive but we feel down but parrots do it to the point of death sometimes. They are one type of animal that when it gets sick it doesn't show symptoms so by the time you catch it it's already too late and they are waiting on deaths door.

You're completely right, I think it is what happened to me. I'm totally afraid to experience trauma again, because it was really painful. Plus discomfort interferes with brain development.

 

[restless.dreams]

Thanks. What I'm saying is all true, yes, I do genuinely get treated like this lol. My partner has a personality disorder which makes her act the way she does.

Update though, we broke up and decided to, like you said, live on roommate terms before I can move out.

For some reason, I feel strangely relieved.

@mob I'm so sorry you are going through this. The separation is probably for the best, verbal abuse is not going to help you get better. I know it's not easy, but I hope that you're able to find some relief from the depression. Please try to drink some water and go easy on yourself today <3

 

[tbroken]

What do women have to focus on?

I cannot answer for 2 main reasons:
1) I'm not a woman and I cannot fully understand woman brain,
2) this society is a little bit messedup nowadays and values are constantly changing.

Imo a woman should focus on do wify things and be supportive to her man, but in all this mess i really don' t understand what is wrong and what is right anymore.
If i was woman, in this age, I'd stay with my family or in a group of people i know from a long time and I can trust... and make my choices wisely.

 

[sserafim]

I cannot answer for 2 main reasons:
1) I'm not a woman and I cannot fully understand woman brain,
2) this society is a little bit messedup nowadays and values are constantly changing.

Imo a woman should focus on do wify things and be supportive to her man, but in all this mess i really don' t understand what is wrong and what is right anymore.
If i was woman, in this age, I'd stay with my family or in a group of people i know from a long time and I can trust...

I don't want to be a wife, do "wify things", be supportive to a man or even have a man lol. I feel like that's inherently sexist and misogynist. I'm staying with my family right now (living at home with my mom) but idk how long it can last. She wants me to become independent eventually

 

[tbroken]

I don't want to be a wife, do "wify things", or have a man lol. I feel like that's inherently sexist and misogynist. I'm staying with my family right now (living at home with my mom) but idk how long it can last. She wants me to become independent eventually

Didn't want too seem sexist.
I think that both sexes should do what's better for them. Usually rich people have a complete vision of the world, while poor people follow some 'strict' rules that don't always work out, like monogamy, trust and stuff.
Just do what you feel to do, and then what happens, happens...

 

[sserafim]

Usually rich people have a complete vision of the world, while poor people follow some 'strict' rules that don't always work out, like monogamy, trust and stuff.

Wdym?

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Why do they do that? Parrots are whack

SI be like "hi, it's me again, I'm back"

What do women have to focus on?

Parrots are pretty great actually. They do that because in the wild if they show they are sick or sickly then it's easy for predators to eat them. Parrots actually pair bond and it pretty much never breaks (parrot to parrot is forever) but parrot to human you'd have to do some heinous stuff for them to get violent.

Woman or man - the problem today is that everything is fucked. Everything costs too much, too many rich people have hoarded all the resources and everyone is fighting for crumbs. When you can't even afford to live by yourself in a studio - things are like gone. So that means no future, no kids, no stability, etc. your mother is delusional saying you need to live on your own. I read some reports that over 57% of millennials still live at home. Why? Because property prices are up the wazoo. You know it's bad when rents are MORE than the mortgage monthly payments.

Independent means you can live to your own means BY YOURSELF. NOT outside factors fucking you up constantly. So I'm independent when I have a job and a pay check - they fire me and I can't get another job - now I'm classed as a mooch, bum, loser, etc . Fucking clown world.

 

[sserafim]

Parrots are pretty great actually. They do that because in the wild if they show they are sick or sickly then it's easy for predators to eat them. Parrots actually pair bond and it pretty much never breaks (parrot to parrot is forever) but parrot to human you'd have to do some heinous stuff for them to get violent.

Woman or man - the problem today is that everything is fucked. Everything costs too much, too many rich people have hoarded all the resources and everyone is fighting for crumbs. When you can't even afford to live by yourself in a studio - things are like gone. So that means no future, no kids, no stability, etc. your mother is delusional saying you need to live on your own. I read some reports that over 57% of millennials still live at home. Why? Because property prices are up the wazoo. You know it's bad when rents are MORE than the mortgage monthly payments.

Independent means you can live to your own means BY YOURSELF. NOT outside factors fucking you up constantly. So I'm independent when I have a job and a pay check - they fire me and I can't get another job - now I'm classed as a mooch, bum, loser, etc . Fucking clown world.

No I mean like why does the parrot self-destruct if its owner goes away or dies? I don't understand. Why does it have such a strong bond with a human? Personally, I could care less about other people lol

 

[Throwawayacc3]

Wdym?

I don't know what he means but this is my take - rich people don't have the external worry of food, home, shelter. So that's not on their mind EVER. Because of their resources they can now do their hobbies or interests to the max and really excel in them potentially making it a business to earn money. Plus they can experience different things and make their own decisions from those experiences.

Poor- you want to start a business but the risks are so high you have one shot only. You don't have the time due to the current work load and how much it pays. You are basically scratching a lottery a ticket. Opening a business to a lottery ticket there isn't much difference. The failure rate of businesses is high HOWEVER when you are rich you can give it a few goes, tweak it, have other RICH contacts that help, etc. it's like Elon Musk - he says he's self made…. What? Your dad owned a DIAMOND MINE. Yeah and not the Minecraft version. Delusion. I hate it when people say "it's easy , I did it so you can " when everyone s different.

It would be like me saying to you "yeah I've dealt with exotic bird and understand their psychology it's easy" no, it's my experience around them, speaking to vets, reading papers, etc. it's such a disingenuous thing to say. However I think this is a neurotypical answer. If it was me I would show all the papers, what I spoke to the vets about, how I spent my time with the birds, etc.

No I mean like why does the parrot self-destruct if its owner goes away or dies? I don't understand. Why does it have such a strong bond with a human? Personally, I could care less about other people lol

Parrots are highly emotional to bonding. You've heard of people dying from a broken heart (which sometimes happen due to stress, heart attacks, etc) well for birds this is a RULE not an exception. In captivity they can live to over 80 years. They mourn and then get depressed. A woman taught her cockatoo how to use an iPad for emotion which is really clever but the problem is she kept opening the photo of her sister cockatoo and grabbing the screen then clicking the word for SAD. One cockatoo became depressed when the family dog passed away and kept going to the corner that they always sat at. I envy that birds have that connection but having a human leave I would not want to be in their position. It seems way worse than humans.

 

[tbroken]

Wdym?

Less money = less control over your life.
More...

 

[LittleCupcake]

Just break it off with her, she ovbs doesnt care about you. If I told my partner about my suicidal ideation and then they suddenly didnt want to interact with me I'd think they dont care. Its not the reaction I would expect tbh