Discussion Your Thoughts Please - Early Childhood Trauma, neglect and Wanting to CTB

[Talokin]

Sorry...i'm so upset....I don't even know what i'm doing...I just keep clicking reply.....i'm too upset to even BE HERE.

How can Trump be a Nazi?

Why is it a casual game to label people Nazis???

Do people KNOW what is a Nazi is?

I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I'm sure you're not a nazi. However, the idea that there are no nazis in New York... let me see... where is Donald trump from again?

I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I'm sure you're not a nazi. However, the idea that there are no nazis in New York... let me see... where is Donald trump from again?

I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. I'm sure you're not a nazi. However, the idea that there are no nazis in New York... let me see... where is Donald trump from again?

 

[Inferdan]

So I'm wondering the following...

Do you feel like you wanting to CTB has to do with early childhood trauma?

When I say trauma, it need NOT be as severe as sexual or physical abuse.

Neglect, constantly moving, bullying, divorce of parents, family conflict, drug abuse by parents and so much more can also cause trauma which later on in adulthood can lead to mental health issues.

So again, the question is: Do you think that your wanting to CTB today may be linked somehow to your childhood experiences? Feel free to share your story.

This hits close. It is a big reason for me. My father's constant hypocrisy and lies, bullies in every school. Every choice I made was wrong. The trauma and it's effects, alongside my overthinking mind and anxiety, is leading me in a downward spiral. I completely understand the suffering in this, and the aftermath is absolutely horrible. Had to move out of home early, too, when I was 16. Still living with a roommate who won't clean his messes. Current and past situations have put me here. Maybe it was my fault. Maybe it wasn't. But I certainly had to do with it, and maybe I deserve it.

 

[make1wish]

Not wondering about the other factors.

Have actively known about them for over 2 decades.

I'm extremely sensitive. Physically and emotionally.

Have engaged in an Extremely large amount of therapeutic interventions (traditional, non-traditional, "lifestyle changes".)

I have recently been labelled a NAZI by my family. I used to consider myself "the most liberal person in the room". And I'm usually within 3 hours of NYC. So, well....not a lot of KKK members here. This wouldn't be such a big deal - except for the fact that my family is thoroughly aware that I've been completely isolated from social interaction for over 5 years. So, even if I had become a Nazi, I'm afraid to go outside. Not much Nazi-ing gets done by a person who can barely manage to shower once/week.


Wanna hear what happened last time I tried to get a therapist?
I was again criticized by the woman for being too "conservative". (she was a friend of my family.....it wasn't my choice. I engaged with her to avoid getting locked up).

Also...I'm at the point where I have no income, can barely walk, and am about to have my 10th consecutive birthday with zero social interaction.

Damn, no wonder you're feeling this way. I wish i could help you, move to a more enriching environment than the one you're currently suffering in.
Like every profession, 90% or more of the people doing it are pretty bad. There are well-trained thoughtful therapists who exist who don;t take the position of knowing authority and instead aim only to help you understand yourself more and make sense of your suffering, if that interests you.
You mention a lot about your family (with them calling you names and sending you to a shitty therapist)... have you imagined how you could move on to a different life so your mind could start getting the peace it needs to understand your suffering?

 

[Razor's Edge]

That was those "Chick publications" comics,The "Alberto" series,huh? I saw/read all of those too!

That name sounds so familiar. I do believe you are right.

Did they disturb you, as well?

 

[mesohappy]

That name sounds so familiar. I do believe you are right.

Did they disturb you, as well?

There was some pretty disturbing stuff in them that stuck with me for awhile..But I wasn't as young as you when I read them.6 years old is pretty young to read about sick shit like that.I think I was already in my teens when I discovered them.

 

[Razor's Edge]

There was some pretty disturbing stuff in them that stuck with me for awhile..But I wasn't as young as you when I read them.6 years old is pretty young to read about sick shit like that.I think I was already in my teens when I discovered them.

It is SO nice to converse with someone who actually has a fucking clue as to what this is all about.
Thank you so much for responding.
I have felt so alone in my early childhood trauma, that I was starting to think, does no one have a problem with this or are disturbed by this? Maybe I'm just NOT supposed to be on this planet!!!
I know I was young, but regardless, I think it should be disturbing for ANYONE to read!

I have tried talking to my fiance' about it, and he merely told me that that was nothing compared to what he was reading at that age. He was reading comics about zombies, monsters and such, so this was nothing to him. However, he was not raised religious so he doesn't understand the fear nor trauma that it can bring, so I have no one to share my issues with.

The harsh reality of this is that IT IS TRUE, the church has done the most HORRIBLE things to people, all in the name of god. Hell, everyone in the world do this as well. So much blood and hate...and for what? To merely obey what someone wrote in a book? That seems very ignorant to me.

 

[mesohappy]

It is SO nice to converse with someone who actually has a fucking clue as to what this is all about.
Thank you so much for responding.
I have felt so alone in my early childhood trauma, that I was starting to think, does no one have a problem with this or are disturbed by this? Maybe I'm just NOT supposed to be on this planet!!!
I know I was young, but regardless, I think it should be disturbing for ANYONE to read!

I have tried talking to my fiance' about it, and he merely told me that that was nothing compared to what he was reading at that age. He was reading comics about zombies, monsters and such, so this was nothing to him. However, he was not raised religious so he doesn't understand the fear nor trauma that it can bring, so I have no one to share my issues with.

The harsh reality of this is that IT IS TRUE, the church has done the most HORRIBLE things to people, all in the name of god. Hell, everyone in the world do this as well. So much blood and hate...and for what? To merely obey what someone wrote in a book? That seems very ignorant to me.

Yeah like,your fiancé I had already been exposed to some pretty "hardcore media" by the time I happened upon those comics.I think the more disturbing thing about those were,at least for me,the whole religious aspect of the horror.And alot of it was true! They were written by Protestants as a way of exposing/discrediting the Catholic church..Protestants have had some pretty fucked up shit in their history as well though.Sad and sickening things have been done in the name of "religion".

 

[Razor's Edge]

Yeah like,your fiancé I had already been exposed to some pretty "hardcore media" by the time I happened upon those comics.I think the more disturbing thing about those were,at least for me,the whole religious aspect of the horror.And alot of it was true! They were written by Protestants as a way of exposing/discrediting the Catholic church..Protestants have had some pretty fucked up shit in their history as well though.Sad and sickening things have been done in the name of "religion".

I do understand.
I was a very late bloomer, due to the fact that Everything was very monitored in my families house. EXTREMELY RELIGIOUS!!!

If you are interested in reading one of my other threads, you will understand more.

I refuse to acknowledge ANY religion as my OWN!!! Too much hypocrisy!!!
I refuse to live by fear and guilt the rest of my life!!! Fuck that!!! NO MORE!!!

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/has-anyone-wanted-to-ctb-due-to-your-mother.29793/

 

[AlexanderJU1984]

Oh yeah! I was sexually abused as a child and of course couldn't tell my parents (not that I knew how) because they were busy decorating their marriage with rampant alcoholism and marital affairs and look at me now, 22 and depressed.

 

[GottaGo]

It was definitely the reason for me. I was bullied and sexually assaulted till I was 14 years old and moved to another country. I told my mom about the bullying but she didn't believe me (she was friends with the bully's mom). I think that's when I lost my trust in people. My dad was also pretty much out of the picture after I moved to another country.
My parents were pretty great otherwise. It was also their first time being parents so I think they really did their best. But I still can't stop thinking what my life would be if I were to grow up with love and protection. I wish to provide the best environment to my children, if I were to be able to live till then.