Discussion your first memory of suicide?

[imdone1]

My step dads father killed himself when my step dad was 12, and he told me about it when I was around the same age I think. I'd heard people say "I want to die" and stuff jokingly but this was the first actual experience I had

That idea is what scares me the most. It could totally be true I feel like which scares the hell out of me

It could be, but I don't care anymore. If that's the case, then I was destined to go there and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't believe in the Christian hell or that torture is eternal, anyways. Suicide is so complex and versatile, everyone has a different scenario and different reasons for not wanting to exist. What God would condemn everyone who committed one single act to the same fate? If the Christian God is a personal and loving God, sending everyone who committed suicide to one place is impersonal, and frankly quite unloving/unempathic. If all humans are cherished and have worth, then broken people don't deserve more torture or to just be left in the mud because they couldn't keep up with the "survival of the fittest", they deserve to thrive and heal.

 

[whywere]

For me, from what I can remember, it would be around 6 or 7 when my "dad" would use me as a stress punching bag and never lay a hand on my older brother. I was like: "what the heavens am I doing here?" and wanted to go then. My heart breaks as I read some of the posts here, like I have said many times this makes us all a global family here!!!!!

 

[Life_and_Death]

14-15. I lived by a wharf and I'd stand at the top looking down, wanting to jump but I knew I never would.

 

[BeanyBoo]

And the first time I remember hearing about and understanding what suicide was when I overheard adults talking about one of their friends had hung himself. I don't remember the details. I think in the 60s we kids were watching tv cowboy shows where the bad guy sometimes was hung. So I understood what it meant around age 7.

 

[elfgyoza]

It's heartbreaking reading all of your stories. I feel like I don't belong here at all, most of you were just kids when you thought about this :(

I think my first passive thought was at 15, in the middle of a breakdown because of misophonia, 'why me, I wish I was dead'. Active suicidal thoughts didn't come until 19, depression kicked in full swing and my first attempt was just after my 20th birthday

 

[MegurineLuka]

I think I was like 10 or 11. I don't know if I was familiar with the concept of suicide really being a thing, but my mom had been tormenting me all day and the options in my head came to be either running away or dying, and dying seemed way more effective/plausible

 

[ankita]

i was around 7years old. My sisters used to bully me ... back then it used to hurt me emotionally. Bullying had a deep impact on my personality and behaviour...during one such episode, it just ocurred to me that I have a choice to end this for once and all by ending my life .. though I did not act upon this idea until 18 years later...

 

[muffin222]

Around age 11 or 12. I began self-harming and experiencing thoughts of wanting to die. It's been a constant in my life since then

 

[allym101]

Grade 8. Things just seemed to get put into perspective at that age. I started to realize that my life was different from the other kids.