Discussion your first memory of suicide?

[willitpass]

my first ever memory of suicide is when i was about 8 years old. i'm the youngest and my sister is several years older than me so she would have more mature conversations with my mom. my mom, brother, sister and i were driving somewhere, i believe that a celebrity had recently committed suicide though i'm not sure, all i know if my mom and sister were talking about suicide. i asked "what's suicide" and my mom told me it is when someone decides to kill themselves. i was in complete shock, i asked her why someone would want to do that. she answered with a simple "they get very sad" that was an age appropriate answer. i could not believe someone would want to kill themselves. looking back i find it funny

 

[nerve]

When I was 8ish, some friends and I got in trouble for gossiping about a teacher. We were waiting in the principal's office for our punishment and one of the boys started talking about how he was going to build a time machine that would get us all out of trouble and I remember asking if it could go all the back to before I was born so I wouldn't have to be alive anymore

 

[WornOutLife]

I was 12, hated school so much that I was planning to be run over by a train.

 

[Lordsudbury]

my first ever memory of suicide is when i was about 8 years old. i'm the youngest and my sister is several years older than me so she would have more mature conversations with my mom. my mom, brother, sister and i were driving somewhere, i believe that a celebrity had recently committed suicide though i'm not sure, all i know if my mom and sister were talking about suicide. i asked "what's suicide" and my mom told me it is when someone decides to kill themselves. i was in complete shock, i asked her why someone would want to do that. she answered with a simple "they get very sad" that was an age appropriate answer. i could not believe someone would want to kill themselves. looking back i find it funny

That's a cute story ... 8 year old me gets it and so does 32 year old me

For me it was about the same age. I remember learning about white collar suicide, and I thought wow even fancy people get sad. I thought oh I guess they had everything and it was great and then they lose it all?
I remember thinking I would be very vulnerable to something like that, and, here we are.

 

[Bitterman1996]

As a kid I used to think people who killed themselves are cowards honestly I don't even remember where I learn the word or concept in the first place (maybe from film/cartoons)?

Anyway I remember vividly in the 3rd grade (about 8-9yo) showing my mom a biology book with a drawing of human vein/artery system and points out how huge the thigh/femoral artery is and saying "people could've killed themselves better from here (instead of the wrist cut)".

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I was 7 or 8 when a 17-year-old girl that lived on my street jumped off her balcony to her death. From what I've heard it was because of a bad breakup. Of course everyone was talking about it, our teacher tried to carefully discuss it with us, and it didn't really go over well because the boys were very curious about the gory details. After I heard about it, when my grandma was complaining how hard it was for her to raise me, I just casually asked her if I should jump off a balcony like that girl and make it easier for her. I genuinely didn't understand what was wrong with my suggestion and why it made my grandma so angry that she would beat and punish me for it.

 

[deepseaburrito]

I was around 9 years old when I first thought about ctb and that's before anyone actually explained to me what suicide was. Vaguely remember seeing it from other places and kind of wondered why someone would want to do that to themselves. Well, not anymore. Remember going over to my mom one day and telling her "I want to die" and crying on the couch with her for like an hour after that. Got on meds and felt better for a while after that but my parents refuse to acknowledge that the incident ever happened.

 

[LastWhisper]

I was 12-13 when I joined some local suicide forum and spend much time there. It's funny but I already hated my life, plus there was some health and school troubles.

 

[Symbiote]

I was 7. My mother's bf killed himself after police found his child porn stash. He also molested me for about 6 months before that. I remember it very clearly because my mom came in half crying, half batshit angry and beat the shit out of me blaming me for his death, thinking that I told on him at school what was happening and she was afraid she go to jail too. First off, I didn't tell anyone what happened, and I'm glad he's dead.

 

[Squiddy]

I was 7. My mother's bf killed himself after police found his child porn stash. He also molested me for about 6 months before that. I remember it very clearly because my mom came in half crying, half batshit angry and beat the shit out of me blaming me for his death, thinking that I told on him at school what was happening and she was afraid she go to jail too. First off, I didn't tell anyone what happened, and I'm glad he's dead.

They both sound like pieces of shit

 

[death137]

I think the first is when I was 8 or 9 and learned about the suicide of one of my country historical figure (the man on my profile picture).

 

[Deformationalplagio]

Very very young when i realized something was wrong with my face and head (deformity) think i was arround 4-5 ich. Kinda fuckt up they let people like us live for there own satisfaction.

 

[Pho3nix]

I was about 10 years old and clinically depressed due to years of horrific abuse by my disgusting parents. After yet another beating I remember opening the window wide and planning to jump off the 4th floor. I really wish I had followed through since my life has been nothing but a shit show.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

When I was around 19. I had thoughts of self-loathing way before that age, but I did not want to die. Eventually, though, the thoughts grew and grew; the self-loathing became self-destruction. One day I said to myself: "Maybe I should die. No one cares". This is my first memory of suicide. Ever since then it has went on a downward spiral.

 

[Stick]

I was really young, maybe only five. I learned about heaven at church, and the youth group pastor told me I would for sure go to heaven so I thought "Shit... why don't I head there right now?"
I looked around in the kitchen trying to find the knife drawer, but I wasn't tall enough to reach it and gave up.
I don't really think I fully understood what I was doing

 

[mrease]

A kid jumped off the roof of the high school when I was about 6. My dad tried to shield me from it, but I knew.

 

[Weary Soul]

I was 7, it was my birthday. I will never forget it. I walked out our front door onto the porch and thought, I do not want to grow any older. I did not know what suicide was then.

Sometimes I wonder, if there actually is a purpose to life, my purpose is just a footnote or learning experience in someone else's life, and I somehow knew it at that young age.

 

[Wraith]

Around 6 or 7ish I overheard my mother talking about her mother's attempts.

 

[OminousVaL]

My father yelling at me holding a shotgun to his head threatening to pull the trigger; I was 6 years old and the image stayed in my mind and once I started understanding the scenario better after replaying it so many times my suicidal thoughts started slowly brewing.

 

[Wraith]

My father yelling at me holding a shotgun to his head threatening to pull the trigger; I was 6 years old and the image stayed in my mind and once I started understanding the scenario better after replaying it so many times my suicidal thoughts started slowly brewing.

Holy shit. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

 

[OminousVaL]

Holy shit. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

I appreciate it but its okay.

 

[StringPuppet]

I wanted to die since I was like 14

 

[_Kaira_]

It was somewhere around 7th or 8th grade for me. When I first began to realize my sadness was constant and growing. I didn't think of it much until highschool when I first started doing my own research as to what I was thinking was wrong with me..

 

[Spitfire]

I believe it was when I was four years old maybe earlier? I think I waited and told my mom about it when I was turning five years old.. that I really did want to be dead. I wanted to climb out of the window at the time from the second floor, and I said goodbye to her ahead of time so she would know I missed her even though it hadn't happened yet. That is how I remember it today.

 

[imdone1]

I was like 5-6, and my mom and I were watching a TV show. Someone in the show attempted suicide and my mom commented on it and was like "aw well that sucks, that's a straight ticket to hell", and I was like ??? And she explained to me that "people who commit or even attempt suicide are going to hell" lol. Guess I'm next in line mom.

 

[Gromit-CTB]

Sitting with friends who were sniffing glue and playing with a gun at 14 and 2 died. Next time was best friend who electrocuted himself at 17. Since then lost lots close to me. Did used to ask myself was it me for years.

 

[botanormal]

Someone close to me attempted suicide when I was around 11. They had been going through a really rough experience and had finally had enough, but was caught and taken to the hospital. I wanted to ask my mum about it, but she treated it as a taboo subject not to be talked about, and got angry when I brought it up. She mentioned thinking it was a very selfish act to commit suicide, and has always been a little passive aggressive when it's mentioned. Took a while for me to fully understand why someone would want to, but I wish I were able to understand it a little sooner. Hugs to everyone posting!

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

I was 6 I think and I took a pair of scissors and tried to slit my throat.

 

[anothing]

Holding a knife to my arm, my father laughs, he says do it coward

 

[PointlessStruggle]

My step dads father killed himself when my step dad was 12, and he told me about it when I was around the same age I think. I'd heard people say "I want to die" and stuff jokingly but this was the first actual experience I had

I was like 5-6, and my mom and I were watching a TV show. Someone in the show attempted suicide and my mom commented on it and was like "aw well that sucks, that's a straight ticket to hell", and I was like ??? And she explained to me that "people who commit or even attempt suicide are going to hell" lol. Guess I'm next in line mom.

That idea is what scares me the most. It could totally be true I feel like which scares the hell out of me