You'll have to act on impulse

[Jake88]

@color_me_gone Thanks. Greatly appreciated. I'm sure I'll be around for a while. It's so fluid/impulsive of course I can never really be that sure, but I didn't come here to CTB. I wouldnt catch it anyways... I'd just walk out in front of it.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

I actually have a bit of a hard time acting on suicidal impulses. It is second nature to me to get through them (I get training for it) and the impulses usually occur when it would not be a convenient time to ctb. I'm picky about when I ctb in order to cause the least amount of inconvenience.

I think I'll have to just go ahead and do it. I have noticed that whenever I pick a date and I get closer to that date, my brain thinks of reasons to live. But as soon as the date passes, I regret not ctb. It happens every time. I'm also choosing an exit bag and bringing a rope for a backup in case the exit bag doesn't work. (Partial suspension hanging). It will be easier to do than, say, shooting myself, full suspension, or jumping. I might freak out when I start fading into unconsciousness, but I'll take some sedatives and anti-anxiety medications to help with that.

 

[color_me_gone]

I didn't come here to CTB

That is not a requirement.
We are a family.

 

[color_me_gone]

hard time acting on suicidal impulses

What you describe I think covers a lot of us. It pertains to me.
Having the knowledge and tools ready is a good feeling.
If a sudden impulse arises, you are ready. I like that.
Inert gas is a great way to go, but the method does not lend itself well to impulsiveness.
A firearm is absolutely the best for impulse, but has other major drawbacks.

 

[lost.ghost]

If I somehow manage to lose my job I pretty much would do it right away and not give a shit. Though the last time I tried to ctb impulsively was with lithium at 16 and it's honestly the worst way to go.

I agree with this, if I lost my job I would definitely do it. It would be enough to push me over the edge

 

[-L-]

Hi, I was wondering what method you used on your last attempt?
I'm really scared of failure and becoming brain damaged.

I really wouldn't be so generous as to call what I did a method..
I was in a irrational state and just wanted everything to be over..
It was a mix of partial suspension and random meds I had laying around (mainly diazepam, and unisom).
I don't remember feeling any pain during my attempt
The problem was that my mom found me too soon and I apparently ended up in a coma for just over a day.. I say apparently because I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I remember feeling like I opened my eyes and I was in the hospital, as if only a second or two had passed.. It was an extremely strange experience..
The doctors told me how lucky I was to still be alive. Lol..
Thankfully I didn't sustain any real long term injuries, however I still feel slight twinges of neck pain every now and again and have a sore spot towards the upper back of my head that comes and goes.. I'm not sure if my slight neck and head pain is anything to do with that attempt or if its just coincidence, but it started after that, but it does not really affect me in any detrimental way and its really more of an annoyance then anything.
This attempt happened back in May 2018 BTW.
The next time I attempt I will be in a hotel in order to avoid detection.

The biggest impact this attempt had on me was the loss of my job due to being away in the hospital for so long, and the fact that none of my family trusts me anymore.. However my current method is still doable simply because they don't really keep too close of an eye on me..

So hope that helps..
Just don't do things without thinking rationally about it first... And don't be in a bad or overly emotional state of mind at the time.. I know that may sound weird as those bad times often make CTB seem so much more tempting.. But being rational about it is far better then potentially messing yourself up..

 

[Sixfeetunder]

What you describe I think covers a lot of us. It pertains to me.
Having the knowledge and tools ready is a good feeling.
If a sudden impulse arises, you are ready. I like that.
Inert gas is a great way to go, but the method does not lend itself well to impulsiveness.
A firearm is absolutely the best for impulse, but has other major drawbacks.

Agreed. A firearm is great if someone would do it impulsively, because all you do is pull a trigger, and that's it. You're dead. I've actually considered it before, but I realized not only would I probably be unable to pull the trigger, but it's so violent.

Mine will not be impulsive, so the exit bag seems like a good method to me. It's peaceful and nonviolent. Also, if I do it in a hotel, I won't be found in time and my family won't find me. I also have all the materials. It was all legal and I was able to afford it. I also was intimated by it at first, but then I realized it's actually quite simple to put together. Even my dumb ass managed to figure it out.

 

[color_me_gone]

Mine will not be impulsive

Neither will mine. I am going to use the exit bag too. It is great!

 

[Ln42]

I really wouldn't be so generous as to call what I did a method..
I was in a irrational state and just wanted everything to be over..
It was a mix of partial suspension and random meds I had laying around (mainly diazepam, and unisom).
I don't remember feeling any pain during my attempt
The problem was that my mom found me too soon and I apparently ended up in a coma for just over a day.. I say apparently because I have a hard time wrapping my mind around it. I remember feeling like I opened my eyes and I was in the hospital, as if only a second or two had passed.. It was an extremely strange experience..
The doctors told me how lucky I was to still be alive. Lol..
Thankfully I didn't sustain any real long term injuries, however I still feel slight twinges of neck pain every now and again and have a sore spot towards the upper back of my head that comes and goes.. I'm not sure if my slight neck and head pain is anything to do with that attempt or if its just coincidence, but it started after that, but it does not really affect me in any detrimental way and its really more of an annoyance then anything.
This attempt happened back in May 2018 BTW.
The next time I attempt I will be in a hotel in order to avoid detection.

The biggest impact this attempt had on me was the loss of my job due to being away in the hospital for so long, and the fact that none of my family trusts me anymore.. However my current method is still doable simply because they don't really keep too close of an eye on me..

So hope that helps..
Just don't do things without thinking rationally about it first... And don't be in a bad or overly emotional state of mind at the time.. I know that may sound weird as those bad times often make CTB seem so much more tempting.. But being rational about it is far better then potentially messing yourself up..

Thank you and I'm sorry for what you went through. I once took an overdose of diazepam (many years ago before the internet was invented and I thought they on their own would kill me!) It was such a weird out of this world feeling, although I didn't come close to dying.
I will definitely plan properly this time and try and be rational and logical but I may need the impulsive bit to push me to complete my plan.

 

[Sixfeetunder]

Neither will mine. I am going to use the exit bag too. It is great!

I was going to do it last night, but realized I wouldn't be able to overcome the survival instinct. I deeply regret not doing it. Next time, I'll force myself to do it, no matter what.

 

[Glim]

Finally, being impulsive will pay off (in terms of trigger pulling, planning is still required of course)

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

it is sometimes easier to cope with life
when you have all the tools you need to exit in your possession

This is the only reason I've been able to keep going for so long — knowing that I can make my exit when ready.

The OP scares me a bit. I am hoping to have a very calm, calculated exit in a few days, or weeks if necessary. I'm hoping it doesn't need to be impulsive. I don't want to fail.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think I probably will act on impulse, when I reach the point of desperation. This is because of the survival instinct and the fact that it is hard to take our own lives. However I would never act without having a careful plan as I do not want to risk failure with consequences. I will never be able to stick to a ctb date though.

 

[motel rooms]

I'm hoping it doesn't need to be impulsive.

It doesn't. You just have to be determined/brave & okay with the fact that nobody's exit is perfectly calm

 

[pa pi]

It doesn't. You just have to be determined/brave & okay with the fact that nobody's exit is perfectly calm

I believe, if you die naturally, it can be a perfectly calm experience.

 

[its-about-time]

I'm relying on impulse as well, but planned impulse. I'll have my "housekeeping" finished by the time I receive my SN in the mail. Everything is well thought out and planned except for the moment itself. That will be done impulsively. A set date would never work for me.

 

[FogFilledLife]

This is what separates those who succeed, from those who will be browsing this site for the rest of their lives. Or you could get lucky and find salvation. But it may not last for long.

Impulsive decisions are stupid decisions. Planning is key for success. Better to not attempt than to make your life worse.

 

[motel rooms]

I believe, if you die naturally, it can be a perfectly calm experience.

Cool. I believe I'd give Michael Fassbender a perfect hands-free orgasm if he would just agree to sit on my cock. I hope you die a beautiful death of natural causes without experiencing any suffering in the months prior to it, papi. Fingers crossed!