Venting "You can never "try" to kill yourself"

[NoLongerHuman.]

im so tired of fighting to recover. I tried to recover for the sake of my partner (though, im afraid that its too late and they are tired of me.. this phone call made me paranoid as hell) but as i was on the phone with one of my relatives..

i told them "yeah, i wanted to die, but i want to recover for the sake of my partner... they gave me hope. luckily ive only tried a few times and they failed so-" ... oh boy. i wish i didnt say any of that. they cut me off and said "hold on. you said try. now im glad that you are still alive, but there is so many methods that is out there and so many ways to kill yourself that you dont just try. you van never simply try to kill yourself because you either do it or you dont. you wouldn't be alive if you actually 'tried'."

they went on and on about how its funny how i could have failed at something that seemed so easy... i just. i dont dvdn kmow how to process all of the shit that was thrown to me. they kept insulting my incompetence and before i got to rreply they hung up.

i gave up on recovering after that. ive just been crying ffor the last few hours. ive been through hell and back try to recover and after all the bumps in the road.. that person basically geg ting maf that i didnt even succeed at killing myself just i dont even know. i want my partner to finally find someone better for them so i could leave this hell. i love them so much but they deserve do much so much better. i judt want to sleep forever. i know im a failure but could anybody in my family be hsppy that i failed st killing myself? rverything feels so backwards. i give up. i give up becauseit hurts more trying to fight it then just accepting it.

 

[fleetingnight]

What the hell? That's a terrible thing to say. I think they must not have any experience with being suicidal if they really believe that, it's a really naive opinion

 

[NoLongerHuman.]

What the hell? That's a terrible thing to say. I think they must not have any experience with being suicidal if they really believe that, it's a really naive opinion

you're right, they don't. pretty much all of my family doesn't believe in mental health. their mentality is that you wish things like ocd, depression, etc etc upon yourself anf you'll be able to change it if you wanted to. kinda crazy but... yeah. i only came to them with the ctb thing because i thought they would at least be somewhat nice about it... nah.

 

[ToastInTheShell]

Damn this made me angry. A nitpicky, pedantic, INCORRECT response is no way to treat a struggling suicidal person, especially a family member. I'm sorry you had to deal with that, and that it made u so upset, u deserve so much better than that.

 

[okuhvtuji]

im so tired of fighting to recover. I tried to recover for the sake of my partner (though, im afraid that its too late and they are tired of me.. this phone call made me paranoid as hell) but as i was on the phone with one of my relatives..

i told them "yeah, i wanted to die, but i want to recover for the sake of my partner... they gave me hope. luckily ive only tried a few times and they failed so-" ... oh boy. i wish i didnt say any of that. they cut me off and said "hold on. you said try. now im glad that you are still alive, but there is so many methods that is out there and so many ways to kill yourself that you dont just try. you van never simply try to kill yourself because you either do it or you dont. you wouldn't be alive if you actually 'tried'."

they went on and on about how its funny how i could have failed at something that seemed so easy... i just. i dont dvdn kmow how to process all of the shit that was thrown to me. they kept insulting my incompetence and before i got to rreply they hung up.

i gave up on recovering after that. ive just been crying ffor the last few hours. ive been through hell and back try to recover and after all the bumps in the road.. that person basically geg ting maf that i didnt even succeed at killing myself just i dont even know. i want my partner to finally find someone better for them so i could leave this hell. i love them so much but they deserve do much so much better. i judt want to sleep forever. i know im a failure but could anybody in my family be hsppy that i failed st killing myself? rverything feels so backwards. i give up. i give up becauseit hurts more trying to fight it then just accepting it.

I heard of ppl ridiculed even by doctors. Ppl are awful. I too thought it would be easy, but there are so many factors at play.

 

[лост ин спасэ]

Some people are just really horrible.

Im sorry you had to hear such a thing

 

[Infinite Solipsist]

i told them "yeah, i wanted to die, but i want to recover for the sake of my partner... they gave me hope. luckily ive only tried a few times and they failed so-" ... oh boy. i wish i didnt say any of that. they cut me off and said "hold on. you said try. now im glad that you are still alive, but there is so many methods that is out there and so many ways to kill yourself that you dont just try. you van never simply try to kill yourself because you either do it or you dont. you wouldn't be alive if you actually 'tried'."

Yeah whoever said this was intentionally being insincere and was just trying to manipulate you so they could take the conversation away from you. When my day comes, it is totally within the realm of possibility that the hammer doesn't ignite the primer of the bullet. The odds of this kind of malfunction are extremely low but no one could ever say that I didn't try. This same reasoning applies for almost any other method because you can fail for reasons that are totally out of your control.

 

[Midwest_Indigo]

I am so sorry they replied like that. I can't imagine the pain of hearing that. Sending lots of support your way.

 

[Linda]

im so tired of fighting to recover. I tried to recover for the sake of my partner (though, im afraid that its too late and they are tired of me.. this phone call made me paranoid as hell) but as i was on the phone with one of my relatives..

i told them "yeah, i wanted to die, but i want to recover for the sake of my partner... they gave me hope. luckily ive only tried a few times and they failed so-" ... oh boy. i wish i didnt say any of that. they cut me off and said "hold on. you said try. now im glad that you are still alive, but there is so many methods that is out there and so many ways to kill yourself that you dont just try. you van never simply try to kill yourself because you either do it or you dont. you wouldn't be alive if you actually 'tried'."

they went on and on about how its funny how i could have failed at something that seemed so easy... i just. i dont dvdn kmow how to process all of the shit that was thrown to me. they kept insulting my incompetence and before i got to rreply they hung up.

i gave up on recovering after that. ive just been crying ffor the last few hours. ive been through hell and back try to recover and after all the bumps in the road.. that person basically geg ting maf that i didnt even succeed at killing myself just i dont even know. i want my partner to finally find someone better for them so i could leave this hell. i love them so much but they deserve do much so much better. i judt want to sleep forever. i know im a failure but could anybody in my family be hsppy that i failed st killing myself? rverything feels so backwards. i give up. i give up becauseit hurts more trying to fight it then just accepting it.

It's not easy to die. Anyone who says it's easy to kill yourself has never tried to do it.
It's true that there are lots of methods, many of which work very well, but to use them you have to do something. Taking that step is when it gets hard, and many people find that they are not able to.
Just ignore those idiots.
Keep trying with your recovery.
Good luck.

 

[oooops]

what a silly response, if you cook a whole meal but it flops at the end does that mean you didn't cook???? they aren't using common sense

 

[qw3rty259]

Well, that's a weird way to communicate from their side. But I ultimately agree that If you're really done with this world you're able to find means to succeed at it from the first try by choosing a reliable method.

 

[heresyinria]

im so tired of fighting to recover. I tried to recover for the sake of my partner (though, im afraid that its too late and they are tired of me.. this phone call made me paranoid as hell) but as i was on the phone with one of my relatives..

i told them "yeah, i wanted to die, but i want to recover for the sake of my partner... they gave me hope. luckily ive only tried a few times and they failed so-" ... oh boy. i wish i didnt say any of that. they cut me off and said "hold on. you said try. now im glad that you are still alive, but there is so many methods that is out there and so many ways to kill yourself that you dont just try. you van never simply try to kill yourself because you either do it or you dont. you wouldn't be alive if you actually 'tried'."

they went on and on about how its funny how i could have failed at something that seemed so easy... i just. i dont dvdn kmow how to process all of the shit that was thrown to me. they kept insulting my incompetence and before i got to rreply they hung up.

i gave up on recovering after that. ive just been crying ffor the last few hours. ive been through hell and back try to recover and after all the bumps in the road.. that person basically geg ting maf that i didnt even succeed at killing myself just i dont even know. i want my partner to finally find someone better for them so i could leave this hell. i love them so much but they deserve do much so much better. i judt want to sleep forever. i know im a failure but could anybody in my family be hsppy that i failed st killing myself? rverything feels so backwards. i give up. i give up becauseit hurts more trying to fight it then just accepting it.

Someone also once said to me that my happiness is a choice. Don't listen to someone who doesn't know what it's like. Bullshit advice. Your partner must be your reason to live, and I think they need you as much as you need them. Though I don't blame you for wanting to leave this hell already.

 

[ninfanatic]

I really believe that whether or not you complete the act of CTB isn't indicative of how much you want it. As someone else said here, dying isn't easy. You have every right to feel hurt, because it's such a deeply personal topic.