I had a career in IT. Now I am unemployed due to life circumstances that happened and subsequently the major depressive episode i'm currently in. I have zero hopes of ever being able to work in the field again in any capacity due to the fact that I can barely manage going through a day without spending hours in high anxiety states wanting to CTB or massively OD to be unconscious for a few days. Also, if I'm unable to enjoy anything at all, nor interact socially with people face to face or even on phone, or even get out of bed some days how can I reliably get and maintain a job?
All these reasons and more (insomnia, benzo dependancy, lowered self esteem, bad memory, etc) are why I am hopeless and want to CTB. I can't be unemployed forever. So eventually the financial situation will hit crisis level and I want to go before that. Also I want to pre-pay my funeral and prepare all paperwork because I don't have anyone close to me to do it and I don't want the person I designated in my will to go through too much trouble. I have first hand experience of dealing with the estate work of my late spouse.
I doubt there will ever be a solution to these types of problems. There will never be a drug that works. This will go on in generations for all eternity. I don't think the answer is in the type of research they are doing. If there is miraculously a solution/resolution, it will probably be something completely out of the box unexpected and unbelievable. But not in my (hopefully short) lifetime...
Those who have any shred of hope... hold on to it dearly and avoid any possibly of losing it at all costs. Don't be shy to ask for what you need if you think it will help. Please, don't lose whatever hope you have. You can build on it. Its harder to build hope when you have none left.
