Venting Yet another failed attempt

[ssUser34]

I tried to take my life a couple hours ago but I couldn't do it. This time I genuinely was closer than ever. I thought I couldn't hang myself in my room cause I had no anchor points, but I came up with a plan of moving my shelf against another shelf and weighing down my rope under one of the shelves and putting it around it (probably doesn't make sense but it actually worked really well). That way the shelf wouldn't fall over and just lean on me, so I would be inbetween the two. Well anyways I did all that I just described, then I put the rope on my neck and stood on a chair beside the shelves. I had to squeeze between them and kick the chair away, but oh my god, every time I squatted lower, the pressure in my neck was insane. I think I never realised how scary full suspension is cause I've only tried partial. I was shaking and I couldn't bear it. At one point I even got off the chair, and was holding on to the top shelf with just my arms and I just had to let go, but I couldn't. It was too painful, unfortunately. This really leaves me to think that SN is the only realistic method out there, if I can't overwin si when hanging myself. Now I just have a huge mess in my room because of moving everything :( I even sent a paragraph to my ex before I was about to do it, but after an hour or so of struggling I deleted it cause I realised I genuinely can't do it.
Here's a picture. I took the rope off now but it was kind of hanging from the top of the shelf on the right, and I tried going in between