NSFW Yesterday I hit a new low lol 🩵vent

[pumpkinpie]

Do you also feel like you're hitting checkpoints every time you reach a new low? Yesterday I realized how my emotions control me and how rage and disappointment can really blind me.

I used my box cutter to just slice my arm up in a blind rage which didn't do much damage since mine isn't that sharp. Then I threw it and it broke so I had to get something different. I grabbed the brand new razor blades, unpacked one, placed it on my arm, swiped with the same amount of pressure as before and.. suddenly I was out of it in an instant as I briefly saw my fat bulging out of my arm before I looked the other way to prevent me from throwing up. I would've never thought I'd see a wound like that on my own body, let alone one that is self inflicted.

Please don't misunderstand me I don't write this for validation or pity. I'm just absolutely mortified. It feels like something died within me yesterday. I actually feel bad for my body. How do I deserve all of that? What did I do to be cut up like that? I'm so overwhelmed and I don't know what to think. Am I at fault? Should I toughen up more? Everyone else can live like that too. Or is the world at fault? Idk but what I do know is that the older I get, the less I feel at home on this planet. Something must've gone wrong before I was born.

 

[deadbidaylight]

I hope you went to the hospital to get that taken care of. Sometimes we do things to ourselves when we are consumed with emotion, and they don't always have an explanation. I'm sorry this happened to you, but you definitely don't deserve this. Please, be kind to yourself, and give yourself some grace. We are all human.

 

[wiseful]

Make sure it doesn't get infected, wether it be hygiene or going to the hsopital!

 

[EvisceratedJester]

First off, be careful when using razor blades. A similar thing happened to me the first time I started to use them. I decided to test them out in the washroom and ended up cutting down to the fat for the first time on accident. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

Secondly, in regards to aftercare, I would advise going to the hospital to get stitches but since this all happened yesterday it is probably too late for that. You can still go to urgent care if you would like, but they aren't likely going to give you stitches. They only give stitches for wounds less than 6-8 hours old. Bean cuts are more susceptible to infection and take longer to heal so good aftercare is important.

Make sure not to get anything inside of the wound and try not the touch the inside of it. You can rinse out of the wound using saline solution or distilled water (they can be found at your local pharmacy), and then carefully apply an antiseptic around the edges of the wound. Do not use rubbing alcohol or peroxide on it. They will kill off the healthy tissue and prolong the healing period. Make sure to keep the wound covered using bandages. You can try applying some antibiotic cream or petroleum jelly around the wound (again, making sure not to get anything inside of it) if you'd like. It can help a bit with sticking. Some people like to go a step further by using steri strips to try and close them a bit, so you can use those if you would like.

You can try looking at this document for more information. It's from r/MadeofStyrofoam

 

[eternaldeath]

Do you also feel like you're hitting checkpoints every time you reach a new low? Yesterday I realized how my emotions control me and how rage and disappointment can really blind me.

I used my box cutter to just slice my arm up in a blind rage which didn't do much damage since mine isn't that sharp. Then I threw it and it broke so I had to get something different. I grabbed the brand new razor blades, unpacked one, placed it on my arm, swiped with the same amount of pressure as before and.. suddenly I was out of it in an instant as I briefly saw my fat bulging out of my arm before I looked the other way to prevent me from throwing up. I would've never thought I'd see a wound like that on my own body, let alone one that is self inflicted.

Please don't misunderstand me I don't write this for validation or pity. I'm just absolutely mortified. It feels like something died within me yesterday. I actually feel bad for my body. How do I deserve all of that? What did I do to be cut up like that? I'm so overwhelmed and I don't know what to think. Am I at fault? Should I toughen up more? Everyone else can live like that too. Or is the world at fault? Idk but what I do know is that the older I get, the less I feel at home on this planet. Something must've gone wrong before I was born.

i hope you got stitches since then, ive dry healed cuts like that and ive got to say they were the worst experiences of my life... if you don't get stitches atleast put some bandages on it but make sure to change regularly as a lot of fluid will build up on it