Venting :xread

[bnkshawty]

feel like i need2 stop being vague if i need real advice
bascially in end of 2023 i met this guy i was 17 he was 21 ive never met anyone like him so similar2 me and was js in a way made my heart attached 2 him so fast we met in very bad time of my life i was freshly grieving over the worst loss of my life and he made me feel important we got into issues cz he was talking/treating me as his gf but said he didnt want2 date yet but he refered2 me as his baby and spoke sexual w me and it was confusing so i left a whole year later we spoke again (after we both spent a yr stalking each other on ig) he said he wanted me 2 be his gf we are currently ldr cz im out the country were both from and tbh it hasnt been great cz hes js as he says "lazy" hes very avoidant and doesnt put in as much effort as i do 2 ft/spend time tgthr over internet i have a ton of cheating concerns as well bc of stuff he likes on ig i have sm grim thots/overthinking feelings but i mask it w kind words and try my best2 be understand even when my heart skins to my tummy cz of how hurt i feel i had mentioned in a diff thread how i said id kms 4 him and he smiled and told me how much he loves how obsessive i am but he js doesnt take that into consideration when hes being dry2 me i have a therapist but since im out country i cant see her and mention these feelings i had bad childhood my parents had put me through unspeakable things2 me and im only 18 dealing w the end results and ive never been so in love w this man w anyone else before hes only man ever i gave second chance to i went out today 2 get my mind off him and it worked but now im back in my room thinking all over again w no where2 go currently i feel so DUMB for feeling so downbad like as i type this im. like omg this is bad and if this was someone else saying tis id be like leave him but idk how2 explain my attachment issues w him do i js like being taken advantage of at this point

 

[deadstillwalking]

You remind me so much of someone I used to know on the internet. She had a bad life in her country, she got super attached to someone who showed her a bit of his feelings, then he started to be manipulative and ghosted her. She overdosed on some pills in an attempt to CTB (which she regretted, I had to spend some time messaging her to calm her down). I completely lost contact with her, the last thing I remember is that they somehow got back together and he got her pregnant... She hated him so much cuz he ignored her when she was bleeding from the attempt, I almost thought she would kill him shortly after that so I have absolutely no idea how she forgave him.

I'm sorry, but if I couldn't help her, I probably won't be able to help you. I just wanted to say that it's absolutely not a good idea to keep your feelings for manipulative bastards, no matter what impression they caught your attention with.

 

[bnkshawty]

You remind me so much of someone I used to know on the internet. She had a bad life in her country, she got super attached to someone who showed her a bit of his feelings, then he started to be manipulative and ghosted her. She overdosed on some pills in an attempt to CTB (which she regretted, I had to spend some time messaging her to calm her down). I completely lost contact with her, the last thing I remember is that they somehow got back together and he got her pregnant... She hated him so much cuz he ignored her when she was bleeding from the attempt, I almost thought she would kill him shortly after that so I have absolutely no idea how she forgave him.

I'm sorry, but if I couldn't help her, I probably won't be able to help you. I just wanted to say that it's absolutely not a good idea to keep your feelings for manipulative bastards, no matter what impression they caught your attention with.

is he manipulating me?

 

[deadstillwalking]

is he manipulating me?

I can't fully imagine what your life looks like just from a couple of your posts but I definitely wouldn't crave a partner who gets off on me threating with ctb for them.

 

[bnkshawty]

You remind me so much of someone I used to know on the internet. She had a bad life in her country, she got super attached to someone who showed her a bit of his feelings, then he started to be manipulative and ghosted her. She overdosed on some pills in an attempt to CTB (which she regretted, I had to spend some time messaging her to calm her down). I completely lost contact with her, the last thing I remember is that they somehow got back together and he got her pregnant... She hated him so much cuz he ignored her when she was bleeding from the attempt, I almost thought she would kill him shortly after that so I have absolutely no idea how she forgave him.

I'm sorry, but if I couldn't help her, I probably won't be able to help you. I just wanted to say that it's absolutely not a good idea to keep your feelings for manipulative bastards, no matter what impression they caught your attention with.

I can't fully imagine what your life looks like just from a couple of your posts but I definitely wouldn't crave a partner who gets off on me threating with ctb for them.

i feel like im so attached bcz the time we met i was at the most vulnerable and needed some1 the most and the pedistol i placed of him in my head is sm higher than what hes actually worth if that makes sense

 

[Jadeith]

Let me put it this way - call me, i dunno, outdated or something but for me, in order for the relationship to work, it must be based on trust and understanding. That goes double for long-range ones. So, if you have concerns, you have every right to voice them and also every right to expect them to be addressed. No matter how silly those concerns might look, it's a sign of maturity and care from other person to address them for you. Dismissing or laughing at them is not and getting happy that someone is so attached to a point of ctb? I find this sickening.
I'm not gonna tell you exactly "do this or do that" or tell you to "stop being obsessive" because or the first one - i'm not you. I'm just an old fart, i do not live in your environment and i have wildly incomplete data about your situation so all i can do is to just offer some external point of view that you might consider or find useful... or not. For the second one, it would be going against your nature and no faceless internet rando gonna change that with just a few typed letters.
All i ask - don't do anything harsh to yourself based on the impulse. Try to slow down your thoughts, ask for advice or insight if you feel like you want or might consider one but above all else - stay safe..

 

[bnkshawty]

Let me put it this way - call me, i dunno, outdated or something but for me, in order for the relationship to work, it must be based on trust and understanding. That goes double for long-range ones. So, if you have concerns, you have every right to voice them and also every right to expect them to be addressed. No matter how silly those concerns might look, it's a sign of maturity and care from other person to address them for you. Dismissing or laughing at them is not and getting happy that someone is so attached to a point of ctb? I find this sickening.
I'm not gonna tell you exactly "do this or do that" or tell you to "stop being obsessive" because or the first one - i'm not you. I'm just an old fart, i do not live in your environment and i have wildly incomplete data about your situation so all i can do is to just offer some external point of view that you might consider or find useful... or not. For the second one, it would be going against your nature and no faceless internet rando gonna change that with just a few typed letters.
All i ask - don't do anything harsh to yourself based on the impulse. Try to slow down your thoughts, ask for advice or insight if you feel like you want or might consider one but above all else - stay safe..

he broke up w me :)

 

[Jadeith]

he broke up w me :)

Mixed feelings about this one. Normally i'd say "sorry to hear that" as break up is never pleasant experience, even if on good terms. But this one - something fishy about this guy, at least from what you said about him here. As deadstillwalking wrote - there's strong possibility some manipulation on his part was involved and it's good it ended. It's not a smart idea to stay under the influence of people who find joy in playing with your emotions.

 

[bnkshawty]

Mixed feelings about this one. Normally i'd say "sorry to hear that" as break up is never pleasant experience, even if on good terms. But this one - something fishy about this guy, at least from what you said about him here. As deadstillwalking wrote - there's strong possibility some manipulation on his part was involved and it's good it ended. It's not a smart idea to stay under the influence of people who find joy in playing with your emotions.

he said i had a "vibe" about me he js doesnt like he said. wasnt comunnicating even tho i was sending paragraphs on paragraphs everyday shamlessly checking on him and he was the one who didnt speak of his feelings i dont feel real as i believe i was being gaslit w false hope he was giving me that he wasnt made for me js to leave me w nothing

 

[Jadeith]

Yup, it seems that way. First he show you compassion and support when you were most vulnerable, then even stated his admiration towards your excessive attachment and clinginess to finally hurt you by giving false hope, hiding feelings and being dismissive towards your concerns.

BTW - everyone has a "vibe". Thing is - is it compatible with other person "vibe". Seems to me he lied about liking yours.

 

[bnkshawty]

Yup, it seems that way. First he show you compassion and support when you were most vulnerable, then even stated his admiration towards your excessive attachment and clinginess to finally hurt you by giving false hope, hiding feelings and being dismissive towards your concerns.

BTW - everyone has a "vibe". Thing is - is it compatible with other person "vibe". Seems to me he lied about liking yours.

i appreciate ur support so much but this kind of made me more numb BUT ik ur intent wasnt nessecarily to make me feel better but to be honest w me and i need that so thank u sm i js idk what in my life is real anymore i feel like nothing is real and i alr have dissasosciation issues and this relationship js made them more prominent this shi is so unreal
i

Yup, it seems that way. First he show you compassion and support when you were most vulnerable, then even stated his admiration towards your excessive attachment and clinginess to finally hurt you by giving false hope, hiding feelings and being dismissive towards your concerns.

BTW - everyone has a "vibe". Thing is - is it compatible with other person "vibe". Seems to me he lied about liking you

omg i js reread what ive been sending u im so sorry my typing is so dumb i suck at talking sm LMAO

 

[Jadeith]

i appreciate ur support so much but this kind of made me more numb BUT ik ur intent wasnt nessecarily to make me feel better but to be honest w me and i need that so thank u sm

I try to avoid telling people what they want to hear and stick to the way i see given situation. If it makes you feel better that's a plus. But if it doesn't, keep in mind it's not because i try to hurt you. I just think that truth, even if painful, will help you better than most beautiful lie.

omg i js reread what ive been sending u im so sorry my typing is so dumb i suck at talking sm LMAO

No worries, no offense taken. Only possible problem is that i might misunderstand sth.

 

[bnkshawty]

I try to avoid telling people what they want to hear and stick to the way i see given situation. If it makes you feel better that's a plus. But if it doesn't, keep in mind it's not because i try to hurt you. I just think that truth, even if painful, will help you better than most beautiful lie.


No worries, no offense taken. Only possible problem is that i might misunderstand sth.

no im aware completely dw i get wym js feel so numb rn during the conversation we had after we broke up he said "ill be dead soon dw" and i js blocked him but that stood out 2 me sm over everything else he said

 

[Jadeith]

after we broke up he said "ill be dead soon dw" and i js blocked him but that stood out 2 me sm over everything else he said

Threatening someone with self harm is one of the cheapest manipulation tactics in relationships. Guilt tripping at its finest. We're mostly pro-choice here so i stand by sentiment that whatever he wants to do to himself it's his choice, not your fault.

 

[bnkshawty]

Threatening someone with self harm is one of the cheapest manipulation tactics in relationships. Guilt tripping at its finest. We're mostly pro-choice here so i stand by sentiment that whatever he wants to do to himself it's his choice, not your fault.

it was js the timing we both had said during our relationship we wanted 2 kill ourselves before 50 cz we didnt wan be old and ugly and e probably would be poor by then but the timing of which he said it was js so weird 2 me

 

[Jadeith]

There's a difference between "id kms 4 him" while in relationship and "ill be dead soon dw" while trying to maintain contact after breakup.
First one is a sign of extreme devotion, even if unhealthy and exaggerated, second - attempt at guilt trip.
At least that's how i see it.

 

[bnkshawty]

im dissociating sm but it feels comforting, even tho ik all the dissasociating feelings will affect me negativly later on
i want2 text him :c

There's a difference between "id kms 4 him" while in relationship and "ill be dead soon dw" while trying to maintain contact after breakup.
First one is a sign of extreme devotion, even if unhealthy and exaggerated, second - attempt at guilt trip.
At least that's how i see it.

 

[Jadeith]

im dissociating sm

This is Baluchistan Pygmy Jerboa. Yes, it's a real animal, not an AI. Try to focus on it. Research it. Enjoy it. How do you think would it feel to the touch? Can you see the color of its eye? How fast do you think it is?

 

[bnkshawty]

View attachment 163485

This is Baluchistan Pygmy Jerboa. Yes, it's a real animal, not an AI. Try to focus on it. Research it. Enjoy it. How do you think would it feel to the touch? Can you see the color of its eye? How fast do you think it is?

OMG THE FEET R SO SILLY IM SO CONFUSED

View attachment 163485

This is Baluchistan Pygmy Jerboa. Yes, it's a real animal, not an AI. Try to focus on it. Research it. Enjoy it. How do you think would it feel to the touch? Can you see the color of its eye? How fast do you think it is?

ITS LIKE flat feet???? omg swimming feet >_<

 

[Jadeith]

ITS LIKE flat feet???? omg swimming feet >_<

It actually has toes, it's other name is dwarf three-toed jerboa. It spreads them or keep them together depending on the surface it's standing on. Here on the picture it's on hard surface but when it runs through sand, it spreads them to provide better support.

 

[bnkshawty]

It actually has toes, it's other name is dwarf three-toed jerboa. It spreads them or keep them together depending on the surface it's standing on. Here on the picture it's on hard surface but when it runs through sand, it spreads them to provide better support.

the toes look furry >_<

 

[Jadeith]

the toes look furry >_<

And there's more than one species of jerboa: