wow.

[Insomniac]

you wake up everyday and have to mentally make a list of things to do to distract yourself from stabbing yourself or slicing your throat.

the urge is so out of control at this point you're like a ticking time bomb.

you're doing everything right, you reach out to friends, you go out sometimes, you study, you don't procrastinate.

you do your best.

but none of that seems to matter? you just want to blow your brain out every single minute and the harder you try the worst everything gets and the worst you feel.

then you get it. It's your destiny. Its your fate. this is what all the hard work helps you understand is that no matter what you do you're doomed not because you're doing anything wrong but simply because you're you.

 

[Al_stargate]

Sorry you feel that way! I would suggest trying to isolate the reason and fix it but you're probably already doing that. Try to live as healthy as possible in every way and hope your mindset changes after a while, if you haven't given up. Anyway, I don't mean to virtue signal, or how they call it, I don't know you or your situation. Wish you well!

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you are suffering so much. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are desperate to leave. I understand that it is awful when things just get worse. I wish you the best in whatever happens.

 

[VoidDesirer22]

you don't procrastinate

This is a big achievement, though.

How do you manage this?
Suicidality is a good way to kill motivation.