I don't know what was going on in your case, but I wouldn't tell anyone that I'm planning to CTB and that I basically don't want to exist anymore. Many are aware of that anyway imo after looking at me. The people around me are very cruel and dumb, they lack compassion and would call police/psychostaff on me or laugh and feel Schadenfreude and that's it.
Even the two people I found very attractive thought it was disgusting that I had a crush for them, because they found me physically unattractive and disgusting. I learned in life that same-sex attraction is not as offputting for many as ugliness is. Disgust, Schadenfreude and anger, is all what they can feel. I have disabilities (bad genetics) thanks to my parents so life is very shitty. There is not much to do as a ugly human, also I was born into poverty and have all the hardships for women too, and I was bullied for it my whole life.
I never had friends. What hurts me the most is, I never had female friends. Many women show zero solidarity. They are really hateful towards ugly women. They see me as below them or needy, because I have no money, and can't attract men they see as high-status and they behave like I want to shoot, hunt them or spread some illness. I assume their reactions come mainly from my systemic disorders: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Disorder, Porphyria and my kidney disease. My skin bactera is different and my body odor changed to ammoniac with puberty and became stronger. My nose is bigger than the default here in my environment. My features are unharmonic, gender-undefined and dirty. I'm female but my apperance can be compared to 'Lolcows' Daniel Larson, KingCobraJFC (RIP) or this 'nevergiveupguy' (youtube, you can read about him in reddit r/ugly too). So, i'm ugly and that's it. I sometimes wish really before I go I take revenge. It's just sad and unfair that this happened to me. I never had good days.
Life at the end is just exhausting, survival of the 'fittest', those with the dark traits, competetive and cancerous, they look normal or pretty. For me life was a nightmare because I was on the victim side. I hope after my death is nothing or if I'm reborn, I hope I can be on the pretty-rich lucky side. Maybe I can have a rich and pretty existence as a human, similar or better as RĂşrik GĂslason, Chance Perez (without the children), Matthew Daddario or now Luka AranÄ‘elović.
They all are loved and seen as pretty, lovely or cute and can choose what they do with their life, they have many good doors open. I wish the same for myself. I think rich people have also easy access to euthanasia. Everything is just a poverty problem at the end. I never had any human right's in Germany, in other countries it would be similar.
