Discussion Would you rather....

[eattwinkiesseejesus]

For anyone that's experienced being raised by a mentally ill parent (bipolar, bpd, npd, ptsd, etc) - would you rather the childhood you had or would you change it if you could? Do you believe your life would've been better off without that parent in your life? How do you wish your life could've been different with that parent and how could they have been better for you?

 

[bankai]

My dad was a son of a bitch.My mother was the complete opposite. She's the reason I'm still alive today, I guess. If my father was a better man. Then my life would be way better I'm sure. There are so many horrific things I learned about him after his death. I guess I'll share them here at some point in time. But for now, yes. I wish my parents had separated earlier. My dad just deserved to be alone and die alone.

 

[DivineSpark]

My dad was a son of a bitch.My mother was the complete opposite. She's the reason I'm still alive today, I guess. If my father was a better man. Then my life would be way better I'm sure. There are so many horrific things I learned about him after his death. I guess I'll share them here at some point in time. But for now, yes. I wish my parents had separated earlier. My dad just deserved to be alone and die alone.

My biological dad was never part of my life and he died many years ago. But my mother is little bit controlling but otherwise very good mother.

 

[manicstreetbeeper]

*choosing to reword my previous reply in a more reserved manner.

so..
mental disorders don't inherently make someone abusive. the only exception to this is people who aren't aware of their toxic behaviors and/or aren't interested in changing themselves. my abusers had strong narcissistic traits; even then, i'm opposed to armchair diagnosis of serious conditions.

if my abusers didn't abuse me, i'd still likely end up traumatized at some point. i think i was predisposed to having a sensitive mind.

 

[houseofleaves]

My mom is very mentally ill because of all abuse she suffered in hands of her own parents. Of course, I'd be happier without being beaten and sexually abused by her. If I could change anything, I would choose to be never born.

 

[bankai]

My biological dad was never part of my life and he died many years ago. But my mother is little bit controlling but otherwise very good mother.

Yeah dude,.i get it.That control is just love bro.

My mom is very mentally ill because of all abuse she suffered in hands of her own parents. Of course, I'd be happier without being beaten and sexually abused by her. If I could change anything, I would choose to be never born.

So sorry,i wish there were stricter rules regarding parenting.

 

[Holu]

I think for the most part, most people who grew up in abusive or insecure households would want to change this. It's really rough and can very easily guarantee the cycle continues with the child(assuming they don't break it by ctbing).

It's the cycle which repeats which is the scariest part. We share our parent's genetics, and to have the very same abusive actions forced on us really can make us the one and the same with them. For the most part, the only thing that separates us is a greater awareness, but when it comes to psychosis, mania, or delusions, it's hard to keep this awareness.

A part of me wishes that governments around the world genuinely would practice eugenics for the mentally ill(emphasis on the "part" though). It's not a good practice, and they almost certainly would fuck it up and abuse it, but the utilitarian in my head just sees all the suffering and mourns it.

And all that's not to say that even mental ill parents can't show immense empathy and guilt for their own actions. A lot of times though, it just gets buried behind the minds defenses.

A good example of this in my life was my best friend of 9 years, rest in peace Amber :(, who had decent severity NPD. It sucked a lot of times, it was unbelievably frustrating more than less but it wasn't as bad as I would have imagined. Maybe it's the rose tinted glasses, but I do think she would have made a good parent had she wanted. She was still one of the sweetest people I have had the pleasure of meeting, even if she was a habitual liar who would do incredibly selfish things time to time. The scary part of mental illness is that someone can be both kind and cruel, because in the end it's not uncommon for the abuser to also be the victim. Hurt people can and often will hurt other people. A lot of me wishes there was an ethical way to stop this at the source.

All this being said, I don't want this message to invalidate anyone who has suffered at the hands of their abusive parents. You didn't deserve it, nor should it ever be just written off as "something that happens". While from a distant analytical perspective their actions can be understood, that doesn't mean that I'm even remotely justifying it. In the end, mental illness and trauma are explanations not excuses. If your parents hurt you in anyway, it's unacceptable and I'm deeply sorry that it ever happened.