Discussion Would you kill yourself for being forever alone?

[Blurry_Buildings]

Sometimes, I think at this point it would be immoral to even try to build a relationship with someone when I know I am going to kill myself soon. I'm not planning to die just because I think I will be forever alone, but when I think about it, I'm sure I wouldn't want to die as much if I were in a loving relationship. Even when I know I won't be alive for it, the thought of being forever alone scares me, and even if my other reasons didn't exist, I wonder if I'd kill myself just out of not having anyone who I could love and who could love me back.

Some people can be happy alone, but I don't think I could, especially knowing I would be forever isolated, alone, and unlovable. When I am ready to die (a few delays but I have a really good feeling about this winter), I'm sure it will make no difference to me anymore, but I'd like to know how it affects you?

 

[TheEmptyVoid]

Sometimes, I think at this point it would be immoral to even try to build a relationship with someone when I know I am going to kill myself soon. I'm not planning to die just because I think I will be forever alone, but when I think about it, I'm sure I wouldn't want to die as much if I were in a loving relationship. Even when I know I won't be alive for it, the thought of being forever alone scares me, and even if my other reasons didn't exist, I wonder if I'd kill myself just out of not having anyone who I could love and who could love me back.

Some people can be happy alone, but I don't think I could, especially knowing I would be forever isolated, alone, and unlovable. When I am ready to die (a few delays but I have a really good feeling about this winter), I'm sure it will make no difference to me anymore, but I'd like to know how it affects you?

I would kill myself too (because everyone hates me for no reason in real life and I'm ugly as hell)

 

[wham311]

Being alone is a miserable life and causes intense depression and anxiety and aggression. Those are all features.

No it is not a life worth living

 

[tiredoflife2]

Yes I would personally. I don't have any friends, don't talk to family, when my son moves out I'll really be alone. I might end up going for days without talking to anyone. There won't be any point to my existence at that point. I'm shit with relationships as well.

 

[kitkat9234]

Yes I would personally. I don't have any friends, don't talk to family, when my son moves out I'll really be alone. I might end up going for days without talking to anyone. There won't be any point to my existence at that point. I'm shit with relationships as well.

Same.

 

[Dejected 55]

That's why I'm doing it in a couple of months. I've never had anyone in my life, and I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. I'm tired of being around people who have relationships and don't understand how miserable I am. I'm tired of "it gets better" and "there is someone out there for you" and "you should enjoy being single" or whatever the platitude of the moment is.

A couple more months and I'm finally out.

 

[wham311]

That's why I'm doing it in a couple of months. I've never had anyone in my life, and I'm tired of pretending I'm okay. I'm tired of being around people who have relationships and don't understand how miserable I am. I'm tired of "it gets better" and "there is someone out there for you" and "you should enjoy being single" or whatever the platitude of the moment is.

A couple more months and I'm finally out.

Following closely, your method gives me hope

 

[Csmith8827]

I don't generally think it would be a reason for me to ctb. Being alone has it's perks honestly, but i mean i'm sure we all wish we had friends, spouses, etc... i'm in a pretty unique/odd position with all of the IRL hangout stuff. I'm basically alone except for like discord and Sasu. I'm a member of like 10 or 12 different discord servers and the chat is pretty active on those so it helps and supplements alot. So does Twitch....and interactions with co-workers...

It's still totally and completely unfair and I do deserve like real friends or a spouse even i'm just in a predicament/situation that is kinda over my head when it comes to all of that. It's totally unfair though.

But no i wouldn't kill myself for being alone...

 

[darksouls]

when my dog was still alive it was ok for me to be single
and I did not feel lonely
since she left me that has changed

 

[Hollowman]

I've isolated too much and it's done some damage. I told a therapist years ago that there wasn't enough left of me to be anyone's friend or boyfriend. It's still the case and it's apparently not fixable. I sometimes deluded myself into thinking it's possible but I'm screwed. Death would be better I'm just trying to hold on for my mom.

 

[betternever2havbeen]

I don't mind being single it's just the way people shove it in your face. As soon as my friends got in relationships they had to bring their bf/gf EVERYWHERE and it pissed me right off. The worst one was the guy I had a crush on (my brother's friend) bringing his stupid girlfriend to my dad's funeral. She hadn't even met him! Why the hell did she need to be there? Obviously nothing could've made that day worse but it was the cherry on the cake seeing them two together on the worst day of my life.

Most of the time being alone doesn't bother me, but yeah it probably is on the list of reasons I'd CTB. Maybe reason 10 or somewhere thereabouts. I have a lot of reasons, but it's not nice being the only single person in a world full of couples. It hits me sometimes, like now which is why I'm having this rant lol. Society is still default looking on us with pity for being single.

It totally depends on things like what other reasons you have for wanting to CTB and how likely you are to get into a relationship though. I couldn't share my personal space in the way most people can so long-term relationships are out anyway. If you think you can make one work and have a healthy one and it could delay CTB for a bit then why not? I do get not wanting to make any new connections at this point though, it's definitely a tough one.

 

[wham311]

I've isolated too much and it's done some damage. I told a therapist years ago that there wasn't enough left of me to be anyone's friend or boyfriend. It's still the case and it's apparently not fixable. I sometimes deluded myself into thinking it's possible but I'm screwed. Death would be better I'm just trying to hold on for my mom.

What damage do you think

 

[heartbrokenguy]

yes, i would (and probably will).

 

[Hollowman]

What damage do you think

It's complicated but part of it is not being able to socialize 'properly' and being disconnected.

 

[wham311]

It's complicated but part of it is not being able to socialize 'properly' and being disconnected.

Ya same boat. Weird now

 

[usernamesarehard]

No, I don't think I would. I felt like I was FA until recently. Only one friend, never had guys interested in me, I had family, a lot of family, but it's not the same. I got a boyfriend last year and he broke up with me recently. That's what pushed me over the edge. Not being able to be with someone you love, knowing that you'll just have to stand there and ignore the pain when they are flirting with other people and inevitably find someone new. The mental pain of knowing they're sleeping with other people. The fear that you'll never meet another person and have to spend the rest of your life alone. I don't know what's worse, never experiencing love or experiencing it once and never again.

I plan to ctb at 28 if I can't find either one very long term boyfriend (2-3 years) or 2 long term boyfriends (1 year). I don't want to be stuck alone. Some people love it, for me it's hell.

I was depressed when I was FA, but I still had SI. I don't have SI anymore. I really only stay because I hope things can get better.

 

[Blurry_Buildings]

If you think you can make one work and have a healthy one and it could delay CTB for a bit then why not? I do get not wanting to make any new connections at this point though, it's definitely a tough one.

I guess, for me personally I'm very physically unattractive and have never been in a relationship, which is why I labeled myself as forever alone, as I dont see it changing. I should have worded it better, what I meant to say was that I saw no point in even trying at this point, both morally and because I would never be able to find a relationship in the first place.

 

[NonEssential]

Not the main reason, but it's definitely fuel to the flames. I have a couple discord friends and I interact with my family members, but besides that I don't have anyone else. No physical friends here and I've never been in a relationship. I used brush it off aa nothing serious, but I also feel like it has been eating at my soul.

 

[Sn0wy0wl]

I value my time and energy, time spent alone. But I also need someone to talk to. I hate burdening people, so my conversations are short.
Mostly, I'm avoidant, minding my own business.

 

[calebzz1]

Personally, one of my long-term goals is to be fully independent once I get my SSDI benefits.

I would rather be alone and am completely content with that.

 

[cactusflower]

Of course I would

 

[Hunter2005]

Yes because what's the point of my existence if I can't connect with anyone?

 

[soledad.virgen]

that's the plan :)

 

[ShortBaldAndUgly]

I've been alone my whole life, and now that I'm 30 it's hitting me hard. I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life unless I do something about it. I'm fundamentally disgusting physically, and there isn't any hope for me. It's becoming a real reason for me.

 

[Moniker]

There's been a creeping realization I've had over the years that I'm upset by my loneliness. I don't really have anyone that cares about me and I don't care for anything in the world.

As I get older, I'll likely be able to meet some career goals, but nothing will fundamentally change. Each day is just working, pass time with video games or books, then sleep. I really don't have anything to look forward to in life.

 

[ex0cet]

i think the most i've wanted to kms is when i interacted with other people and still felt lonely.

if i was totally alone and everyone forgot about me, it'd be a lot more of a relief to ctb since i wouldn't be affecting people personally, maybe.

 

[Lost Impact]

partly, maybe. i am incredibly alone. i have no irl friends and i haven't since i was in school (sooooo long ago). i've only had one irl relationship when i was a teenager... the relationship scared me because i couldn't comprehend "love" so i sabotaged it. i'm too hideous and disgusting to be loved. i've had ldr but they never worked because many reasons. i've wondered if i'm simply aromantic. i have trouble expressing romantic feelings and when i was dating, i couldn't feel them at all. i feel like it's because i kept trying to settle like they settled for me. i'm just too hideous to love physically and if there's no physical attraction, there's none at all. *romantic attraction can only get you so far. i'm also asexual and a lot of people i've dated couldn't deal with that, haha.

i have this delusion that if i just did finally meet the person that would ever love something so disgusting, maybe it'd fix me. i've never been worth it though. idk. my brain is very childlike and broken for something in it's 30s. very... sad.

 

[divinemistress87]

If you mean romantic relationships well those are temporary. Very few people stay together for life those relationships come and go. If I didnt have any friendships I wouldnt be able to handle it all. We are social creatures even us introverts need some sort of relationships