Discussion Would you have sex with a girl with scars/cuts from self-harm?

[Smaskifa]

Ok I know it doesn't have much to do with suicide but I need to know. If the answer is yes up to what limit it must have them and how deep?

 

[conarc]

Ok I know it doesn't have much to do with suicide but I need to know. If the answer is yes up to what limit it must have them and how deep?

I think its hard to answer in general. But if the other person knows about you and what you have been through I think its fine. I would not mind.

 

[Mxverick]

It's as if they weren't there, I don't judge.

 

[captainhook]

Ok I know it doesn't have much to do with suicide but I need to know. If the answer is yes up to what limit it must have them and how deep?

My fiancé is covered in scars himself, I love him. I've slept with him just fine scars are nothing to be ashamed of, nor does it change anything visually, they're kinda like freckles to the eye (not in appearance quite literally) but in a way that they're like little designs. Nothing bad. If anything I love looking at them and knowing he feels better in the moment rather than what he had to experience in order for those to appear to begin with. They're a reminder that he's in a better place now with a home that truly cherishes him. They aren't ugly, like I said, they're like little designs, I wouldn't be ashamed if I had them (I personally do, even stab wounds that quite literally have lifted skin in their healed scar areas. I'm not ashamed of my scars and my fiance loves mine just fine as well.)

 

[CW36]

I have done. I was her first. There is no limit, they're human beings. If you like them before you know and see the scars, then walking away after the fact would be pretty shallow. She was really pretty, but I felt privaledged that she trusted me in that way before anyone else.

 

[John Ryder]

Anyone who says no is a cop

 

[Mxverick]

They aren't ugly, like I said, they're like little designs, I wouldn't be ashamed if I had them

I totally agree

 

[etrnllxid]

Ok I know it doesn't have much to do with suicide but I need to know. If the answer is yes up to what limit it must have them and how deep?

I guess so? I'd probably feel mental pain if they were deep and I wouldn't be a mindless animal and go straight to sex. I would ask why this person would SH.

 

[whywere]

Simple as this, it is what is in the inside, NOT outside that matters. It starts with the brain and personality, not scars or sex or anything.

Walter

 

[SpaceBoyEvangef]

Yes, but a male instead of a female due to my preference. I myself have self-harm scars and wouldn't mind if my partner had them either. I would love them with or without no matter how shallow or deep the cut is.

 

[F&Inside]

Hi, those things don't matter. What counts is love, visual contact between the two, passion. A connection. Give everything. Who gives importance to that kind of things don't know what it is to love.

 

[FeyB]

Kinda superficial question but in general I think it might be a turn off for some people for hookups.
If you are in a relation and you are open about it shouldn't be a problem for anyone like anyother characteristics would.
Personally i did it already with my ex and would do it again if i come across another girl with scars, i don't mind them at all

 

[outatime_85]

What is the point of passing judgment on or being demeaning to that person?

It would not matter to me the amount, where, etc.

I think their scars, as discussed, simply show where the person was or is at a point in their life. It also shows their emotional pain and intense anger.

The fact that they would trust me with that knowledge makes me think I would have to sit there and try to absorb the knowledge they were entrusting me with.

I say that because I think most people with SH scars go to great lengths to hide those scars and don't show them off to just anyone.

So to trust someone, be it someone they just want to sleep with, date, or just befriend, is not something to take lightly; they are opening themselves up to a lot by revealing that.

That said, if I were to meet someone bearing SH scars and they respected me and wanted me in their life, I would make a go of it.

I apologize for the rambling and incoherent writing; if my thoughts on this are wrong, then just ignore this post.

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Yes, and men in general won't reject sex unless you have STDs. For a long term relationship it might be a different story.

 

[whywere]

Yes, and men in general won't reject sex unless you have STDs. For a long term relationship it might be a different story.

I will just say that the previous statements might be a vast generalization is all. Way back when I can remember taking ladies out who wanted sex on the 1st date and never wanted to see me again. I never ever had sex with any of them, as I wanted to get to know the person, not just the physical act.

Walter

 

[vitbar]

I have and would again. As for limits I'm not aware of any.

 

[olearius]

Ok I know it doesn't have much to do with suicide but I need to know. If the answer is yes up to what limit it must have them and how deep?

Would you? Is this something you're struggling with? It might be helpful to evaluate by asking why, if you are.

But if you must know, yes, no limits. Scars are part of someone's story and it's not my business unless they decide it is.

 

[AllFoxedOut]

I'd just be happy getting laid

 

[Bobbylobby]

I have only had sex with my girlfriend and the intimacy of it is what I like. If she had cuts or scars it would make no difference to me, however if it was a one night stand with someone it might make me a tad uncomfortable

 

[ctvunny]

I would, it doesnt matter how deep or long the scars is. Though, I agree to the one on top of this, if its a ONS then a heads up would be nice.

 

[wristcutangel]

i'm a lesbian, so don't know if you really want my answers or if you're only looking for answers from men. but for me, yes, i wouldn't really care about the amount or type. i'd be a hypocrite if i did.

 

[Amelie]

Ok I know it doesn't have much to do with suicide but I need to know. If the answer is yes up to what limit it must have them and how deep?

I'm a girl into girls (and boys) and absolutely I would. I have SH scars anyway. If I see scars on others it actually makes me relate to them a whole lot more.

 

[mekurin]

Scars are pretty imo. I have plenty myself and not all of them are even from SH. They show hardships we have gone through and the pain we have suffered. I wouldn't have any limits either.

 

[CuerpoMuerto]

Ok I know it doesn't have much to do with suicide but I need to know. If the answer is yes up to what limit it must have them and how deep?

To be honest, most don't seem to care. I have a ton lining my thighs. I mean deep, ugly ones. At the peak of my sleeping around phase, Id have deep ones actively healing and very obviously fresh. No one would ever say anything about it. Two were repeats, one is even a friend of mine nowadays. I think its too awkward for most to bring up, so they dont really focus on it or say anything. I remember this making it worse because it instilled to me no one gaf, but in reality its just a hard topic. It doesnt make you unsleepable or anything.

If its someone you care about, though, it might lead to a deeper longer discussion on why you SH, etc etc.

 

[outatime_85]

I remember this making it worse because it instilled to me no one gaf, but in reality its just a hard topic.

Obviously, in the beginning, asking questions about scars or anything might come from a place of curiosity unless the person asking has some understanding of it. albeit limited.

That said, I don't think all people don't care; it is, like you said, a difficult subject.

But you are also right that some will not care at all and not even broach the subject; it is just one and done.

Those people who don't care, I think, would be easy to spot, or at least easy to deal with and forget.

If its someone you care about, though, it might lead to a deeper longer discussion on why you SH, etc etc.

This is what I was thinking about: those who say they really want to be with someone long-term; in that case, one can't be afraid to broach the subject of scars or anything else.

After all, if you can't sit down with the person you want around you forever and ask about their pain out of fear, nothing else that is talked about down the line matters..

I think there are ways to approach this subject.

1: Hey, (person's name), I notice some scaring. Do you want to talk about it?

• If the response is no, do not press the issue; simply let them know that you are there when they are ready to discuss that or any other painful issue.

2: Hey, (person's name), I notice some scaring. Do you want to talk about it?

• If their response is yes.

•• Simply ask them to tell you as much of it as they feel ready to, and sit there and listen, being attentive.

Also, you will know when it is time to say something, hug them, cry, etc.

One more thing: do not be surprised if they ask you about your own pain and ask you to open up to them the way they did with you.

Notes:
1: Do not be afraid to cry when your partner starts opening up; this is not the only subject that will likely be highly emotional for both of you.

2: Do not go into the topic with a hammer and nail attitude; not every subject is something they are looking for their partner to fix.

3: I am not that smart, so forgive me if my thinking and examples are wrong; if so, I'm sorry. If others who have more knowledge want to chime in, feel free.

Sorry for the long, rambling post.

 

[ToniFoxGirl!!]

I think in general men don't really care as long as they get it, but as a girl, I've had sex with guys and girls with fairly fresh SH wounds because I loved them at the time

 

[cemetorium]

Yeah. I mean, I have scars from self harm myself, lol.

 

[tubs35]

Yeah, I don't see an issue personally. Especially if I don't know the person that well I wouldn't know what they've gone through to get to where they are and why they're there. Realistically for me it would probably lead into a conversation into who the person is and what they've gone through and why they did it, of course if they wanted to talk about it. That's how I view it anyways.

 

[leloyon]

Unless it's coldnessinmyheart-level self-harm (I would not recommend looking that up, basically extreme self harm), I don't see why not.
I don't know why it has to be sex specifically either, I would date someone like that. I think I would prefer it, actually. Knowing my girlfriend could relate to me. Perhaps finding some sort of comfort in each other despite our struggles.

 

[Touhou]

Unless it's coldnessinmyheart-level self-harm

Jesus Christ. I've seen ISIS/cartel beheadings, shootings, shotgun CTB videos, etc. but that coldnessinmyheart shit gave me a vasovagal response.