would you ctb at home if you thought you wouldn't be found?

[eggsausagerice]

i'm thinking about dying inside of my closet again because i'm thinking about doing it in a different room in the house, or doing it inside of the garage at 4 am. i figure it might be safer (lol) to ctb in the forest, since i already bought a lantern and a blanket to lie on top of. i'm thinking about scoping out the park bathroom in the rec center near my house, since i haven't checked if the gate stays locked after hours. i wish i had more time to scope out park restrooms, but i can't drive so it'd be too much effort. for sn i need to go kind of deep into the woods so that i'm not found as easily.

location's always been my biggest hangup, but if i do it in the wrong place then it'll all be for nothing. i figure that i'll be a burden no matter where i die, but i'll be a bigger burden if i choose to do it at home to avoid being in the woods.

 

[NotSoEnchanted]

Location is also my biggest hang up as of late. I don't want to go too far out in nature to where I'll greatly inconvenience first responders, but I also need to be far enough away from it all to give the SN plenty of time to take effect. I know which mesa I plan to die on, I just haven't decided how far out on it to go. I'm also concerned about a flight for life helicopter, so I need to do it on a day that's windy. That won't be too much of an issue though, as spring in the SW is windy as fuck.

And to answer your question, no. For a couple reasons, that being I don't want my dog to eat my SN riddled puke and also die (gross I know, but it's a real concern) and I don't want to stress him out with first responders entering our home and dealing with my body. I also need to send my note out to family prior to taking the SN, as it lets them know my dog needs to get picked up asap. For all these reasons, away from home is best.

I hope you're able to find and decide on a place that brings you comfort and feels good. I know this is something you feel conflicted about, and that you also desired to CTB in a hotel but that's unfortunately not an option. It's hard to walk the line between your own comfort in your last moments, and the comfort of others

 

[cakedog]

if you ctb at home i don't think it's possible to not be found unless you live alone but even then your landlord, neighbors or family may check on you
in my opinion you should ctb in a place where you feel comfortable
the only downside i see to ctb at home may be traumatizing your family or the possibility of being disrupted and "saved"

but you're likely going to traumatize them anyways they're inevitably going to panic and get anxious if they haven't heard about you in hours
they're going to identify your corpse you're likely going to have a funeral
i don't know very well your situation but even if you go to the woods with the idea of not being found unless you go very and i mean VERY deep into the forest you're going to be found

cell towers may even pinpoint the last radius where your phone was active and i guess research teams and probably other stuff or some weird nature patterns (vultures and other scavengers, footsteps, etc)
sorry for all this gross talk btw but what i'm trying to say is that traumatizing them is basically guaranteed and unavoidable
i think you should have some comfortable last moments and unless they're checking on you 24/7 (virtually impossible) you can always do it very late at night

 

[eggsausagerice]

if you ctb at home i don't think it's possible to not be found unless you live alone but even then your landlord, neighbors or family may check on you
i don't know very well your situation but even if you go to the woods with the idea of not being found unless you go very and i mean VERY deep into the forest you're going to be found
cell towers may even pinpoint the last radius where your phone was active and i guess research teams and probably other stuff or some weird nature patterns (vultures and other scavengers, footsteps, etc)
sorry for all this gross talk btw but what i'm trying to say is that traumatizing them is basically guaranteed and unavoidable

i mostly meant "wouldn't be found" as in not be found mid attempt, but i appreciate your comment still. i know i'll always be found no matter where i do it, i just don't want to bother anyone too much by dying somewhere that a person might find inconvenient. i can see how you could get it mixed up lol.

I don't want to go too far out in nature to where I'll greatly inconvenience first responders, but I also need to be far enough away from it all to give the SN plenty of time to take effect. I know which mesa I plan to die on, I just haven't decided how far out on it to go. I'm also concerned about a flight for life helicopter, so I need to do it on a day that's windy. That won't be too much of an issue though, as spring in the SW is windy as fuck.

getting a ride from an emergency helicopter would be totally crazy when someone's trying to kill themselves. i figure you shouldn't go too far out just because of how much of a chore it is to walk far. summer's coming soon and i'm already getting stressed about it. if i'm being honest. i do want to ctb at home. i decided to make this post because my sister said she's moving away and it made me realize i could do it in her room because it's the furthest from my parents room, even if that's kind of messed up. no one in my family is awake at 3-4 am, so i know i can just stay up all night and do it then. i wish things were less complicated. i also know that i'll feel fatigued from the fasting protocol and i get anemic when i'm dehydrated. i figure that there i just need to pick a lesser evil.

 

[Nolongerlive]

I am alone staying in the house and very likely no one will noticed me for a day or two.
That's my plan. Don't tell anyone, ok?

 

[eggsausagerice]

Don't tell anyone, ok?

won't tell nobody