Discussion Would VAD (v’s ctb) really make a difference for family?

[PhDone]

I saw a video of a pastor saying the difference btwn vad and ctb is ctb is just passing on pain. But i think this is ethically too simplistic. I have a chronic illness, many on here are ill physically or mentally. We wouldnt be passing the illness on. Would family hurt and be in shock? Of course. But people die in sudden accidents etc which stun and cause trauma. If we had a terminal illness, yes they have time to adjust and the end is controlled and not 'chosen'. But I simply dont agree we're just passing our torment on. How much does a letter or convo expressing the pain you are in and asking for compassion help?

Maybe vad is a chance to get them onside. Less shock. But is it easier to know its coming and count down to it? Or easier for it to just happen? I have lost people to both illness (death expected and to an extent counted down) and accident (sudden shock). They both have their issues.

How easy is a vad convo? Can we just end up letting family into our
thoughts and intentions, thereby stuffing up the whole thing and having them against us and upset with us anyway?

 

[TennTrixie]

Can I ask what is VAD?

 

[PhDone]

Can I ask what is VAD?

Voluntary assisted dying. The Switz scenario.

 

[TennTrixie]

Oh yeah. Makes sense. I feel that is the ideal way to leave, but not practical for most of us. The person ending their life has the opportunity to get used to it before doing it where the rest of the world will be shocked by it. But we can't "warn" others or risk being locked up or at a minimum be watched to try to prevent it. We aren't all in a passing phase that can be overcome by having someone "be there" for us.

 

[Leiot]

I saw a video of a pastor saying the difference btwn vad and ctb is ctb is just passing on pain. But i think this is ethically too simplistic. I have a chronic illness, many on here are ill physically or mentally. We wouldnt be passing the illness on. Would family hurt and be in shock? Of course. But people die in sudden accidents etc which stun and cause trauma. If we had a terminal illness, yes they have time to adjust and the end is controlled and not 'chosen'. But I simply dont agree we're just passing our torment on. How much does a letter or convo expressing the pain you are in and asking for compassion help?

Maybe vad is a chance to get them onside. Less shock. But is it easier to know its coming and count down to it? Or easier for it to just happen? I have lost people to both illness (death expected and to an extent counted down) and accident (sudden shock). They both have their issues.

How easy is a vad convo? Can we just end up letting family into our
thoughts and intentions, thereby stuffing up the whole thing and having them against us and upset with us anyway?

I have in inherent distrust of anyone in the church talking about life options. They always have an ulterior motive. And this person's attitude is, in my opinion, downright insulting. 'Passing on pain' - what kind of crap is that? More of their guilt-trip modus operandi. Does he think that having the family there is somehow less painful that not? I wouldn't put my family through that. God forbid we just want to leave in peace. No, we have to drag family into it, him knowing full well it would stress them out and someone would probably object to it.

 

[PhDone]

I have in inherent distrust of anyone in the church talking about life options. They always have an ulterior motive. And this person's attitude is, in my opinion, downright insulting. 'Passing on pain' - what kind of crap is that? More of their guilt-trip modus operandi. Does he think that having the family there is somehow less painful that not? I wouldn't put my family through that. God forbid we just want to leave in peace. No, we have to drag family into it, him knowing full well it would stress them out and someone would probably object to it.

Great answer. You are so right, we just want to leave in peace. I have no idea whether my family would handle being at a vad scenario either. Theres such a perpetuation of the fault always being ours. That no matter what suffering we are in we are going to wear blame and stigmatism, criticism and disgraceful assertions. Its like society has voted vad acceptable but only in their controlling way. There is still no ability for these people to listen to those of us in this situation and actually hear how we are decent people seeking compassion.

Oh yeah. Makes sense. I feel that is the ideal way to leave, but not practical for most of us. The person ending their life has the opportunity to get used to it before doing it where the rest of the world will be shocked by it. But we can't "warn" others or risk being locked up or at a minimum be watched to try to prevent it. We aren't all in a passing phase that can be overcome by having someone "be there" for us.

So true. This is exactly the issue. That we are at risk if we 'warn' others. And I love what you've said about having someone "there for us". Thats so right, it doesnt overcome so much of our situations. And can add so much complexity.