Venting I asked my brother if he wanted to die with me. I feel like such a horrible sister.

[BecomingDiamond]

I wanted to vent abit about this since I don't have my medicine and alot of my thoughts are coming and starting to bother me.

I told my brother about my plan of CTB at the end of the year if I don't succeed with this, and I felt horrible. He's extremely suicidal, he talks about killing himself everyday, posts it online on his FB and even tells his many girlfriends about it. He talks about it so much that alot of his friends have started to resent being around him, they start to become numb to it, including me even though I also want to CTB too. He tells me I'm more messed up than him due to me being molested and being isolated in the house for most of my life, and that I have tulpa's.. but I always hated that because I don't want him to feel like he isn't hurt either and that we are literally both on the same boat.

Anways, He thought he got his ex pregnant, and he didn't want to be a dad, so he was saying that on his birthday he was going to end it all, that's when I finally told him and asked him if he wants to CTB together? I then explained to him that that's all you wanted, to end your life, and I do too, we are mistakes, that's what we've been told all our life. If we end it, my sister can live on without having to take care of us and my dad can move on with a new family, I was serious too, even saying that I was in the process of trying to find someone to help get me stuff to make CTB easier.

He was shocked and flat out told me no, and said he was now paranoid that I was going to end my life forreal, and we just left it at that. Like I said I think he forgot about it, so I don't even know if he still is paranoid or not. I felt really horrible for making him feel like... Shit maybe? I don't know, I just wanted to ease his pain knowing that I want the same thing and we can both do it together. I feel like I'm a horrible sister... Sorry if this is weird, I can't really talk about this to my other friends due to the whole ending life stuff...

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Without knowing more details of the whole situation it's impossible to have a clear idea what's really going on. Is you're brother actively suicidal with a plan and even has prepared his plan to go ahead at any time or ist just "talking" without having an actual plan bc his life is still too good to end it? What about you? I mean there's a big difference between people who just say they wanna kill themselves and the ones that have an actual plan and have that plan ready at hand. Certainly, your brother is worried about you bc that's human whatever the circumstances are.

 

[FriesLovee]

Wish I could pm you but your account settings won't let me ?
Maybe your brother is scared of losing you now. I don't know . I don't think you're horrible . I told my ex we should do it together even if she wasn't suicidal which is even worse tbh …

 

[BecomingDiamond]

Without knowing more details of the whole situation it's impossible to have a clear idea what's really going on. Is you're brother actively suicidal with a plan and even has prepared his plan to go ahead at any time or ist just "talking" without having an actual plan bc his life is still too good to end it? What about you? I mean there's a big difference between people who just say they wanna kill themselves and the ones that have an actual plan and have that plan ready at hand. Certainly, your brother is worried about you bc that's human whatever the circumstances are.

I personally don't know if he has a plan or not, but I do (I actually have several plans)

Wish I could pm you but your account settings won't let me ?
Maybe your brother is scared of losing you now. I don't know . I don't think you're horrible . I told my ex we should do it together even if she wasn't suicidal which is even worse tbh …

I wish so too, I believe I have to be active more since I'm a new account, so that's what I'm trying to do, unless I'm just dumb and don't know if I am doing something wrong or something. But I understand you alot.

 

[Worndown]

Your brother might have slid into an "I want to die" groove and talked about it a lot. It worked for him, whatever the reason.
You making that statement might have put a face on suicide...yours. It is like a movie when someone slaps the hysterical person and they snap out of it.

 

[cryone]

maybe he finds it cathartic to talk abt suicide but doesn't actually want to die. don't think you're horrible, and honestly, I don't see anything wrong with what you did. I just find it a bit strange but that's all.

 

[BecomingDiamond]

Your brother might have slid into an "I want to die" groove and talked about it a lot. It worked for him, whatever the reason.
You making that statement might have put a face on suicide...yours. It is like a movie when someone slaps the hysterical person and they snap out of it.

That makes alot of sense, I didn't mean too, I just thought I was helping I guess.

maybe he finds it cathartic to talk abt suicide but doesn't actually want to die. don't think you're horrible, and honestly, I don't see anything wrong with what you did. I just find it a bit strange but that's all.

Yeah, I just wanted to help him even if it comes to suicide, and to show him that I have his back when no one else doesn't.

 

[Worndown]

It has been a few days. How is your brother? It might be good tp have an open conversation with him. Find out what troubles him and tell him what troubles you.
Since there are now no secrets between you, all that can happen is understanding.
That might save you both.