Discussion Would having all the resources to CTB make you feel better?

[UtopianSoliloquies]

I plan on getting the materials for the night-night method this weekend. I want to finish my preparations as soon as possible--writing letters to loved ones, deciding who gets which of my belongings, etc. Once I'm done that though, I feel like it would actually be a nice change of pace to have CTB as an option open to me, though I might not want to do it right away. Absent my extreme sensitivity to stress and general low mood, my life currently isn't particularly awful and it's mostly the dread of things to come in the future that make me want to CTB. I've heard some people here say that they actually felt comforted by having their preferred method ready. I've always wished I could hang a vial of Nembutal around my neck and have the ability CTB any time I wanted. For those of you who have your chosen method ready, does it make you feel better? Does it unsettle you? How does it feel?

 

[Beyond_Repair]

I believe having a surefire CTB method ready would make me feel a lot calmer. I'd always have it as an option, so I wouldn't ever feel "trapped"

 

[stillvoices]

If I had a method ready and had no doubt in my mind that it would work and be painless, then yes I think I would feel better. Even in the slightest bit to know that I didn't Have to spend a second more in any pain.

 

[FuneralCry]

I envy those who have the relief of a method plan they feel confident in, if I had N of course it'd make me feel better as it would permanently erase all the suffering, as after all one cannot suffer from not existing.

 

[SVEN]

Absolutely.

 

[feels_like_rain]

It absolutely makes me feel better, even though i have no plans to act on it at the moment. It's a nice safety blanket.

 

[TheRottingContinues]

I wouldn't have time to feel better because I would be taking the method immediately

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I have all my materials ready to go (CO with charcoal).
It doesn't make me really feel better. It's my method of choice since many years and I'm ready when the time is right.

 

[ManByTheRiver]

Not really, just feels like flirting with death before I've actually committed to anything.

 

[sinkbear]

Absolutely. I would feel better knowing that if my quality of life suddenly deteriorated, I'd have a surefire way to get out. Also my thinking around suicide would be more focused on what I want. As of now the whole idea is a bit distant and entangled with questions of method and acquiring the materials.

 

[flower_g1rl]

a hundred percent yes!

 

[finalrequiem]

I get through every day by telling myself I'll just die if things get worse. Wish I had an easy way to do it inside. I genuinely think I'd feel so much less stress and pressure if I had access to an easy out at any point.

 

[TapeMachine]

I do have all of the resources/supplies (that I need). Everything for SN, and I have a couple of ropes as extra options.

Acquiring the materials did give me a great deal of relief at first; but I no longer feel that relief. I am weighed down by this burden to keep going and going, all because I don't want to hurt my parents.

I guess I'm just waiting until my internal pain outweighs my sympathy for them, I don't know.

 

[Division Day]

It would definitely give me strength. One of the things that terrifies me is suffering through more mental breakdowns (like right now), where I have no way out. If I had a reliable and okay way that I could use whenever if things got unbearable, it'd feel like a safety net under everything.

 

[MG_39]

Yes, I wouldn't wake up everyday feeling total panic. Sure I suffer like hell, but let's say I had powdered short acting barbiturates, then I would know that I have a way out.

 

[Orange Cat]

I have every that I need. At first I did feel some relief like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders because I can leave anytime. Now that feeling has mostly been replaced with anxiety. Sometimes I feel more pressure to do it because I have the means to.