Venting Worried I'm faking disability

[I Me & Myself]

This is so weird to talk about.

Basically I just sometimes look at myself and wonder "What the hell am I doing? Just snap out of it" And then I fucking snap out of it. And boom. Healed. At least for a moment.

The more I think about my mental disability, the more it affects me. If I just stop thinking about it; I rarely ever get flare ups/need support.

This is even worse because I know I crave attention/support and I'm worried I'm faking my disability to get that. And I'm worried I don't even have it and I just faked the whole diagnosis (Maybe I give myself too much credit here). I recently re read the doctor's letter and some of it I don't even remember saying and it's like. Doesn't apply to me at all.

Panic attack? just snap out of it. meltdown? just snap out of it and it works and i should be happy that it works

it doesn't help that i have hypochpndric tendencies so i do actually read into some stuff too much and i fail to differentiate that fromm when i actually need support.

I know for sure though, I'm at least not faking the depression. God I wish I was. Snapping out of that or suicidal thoughts would be neat (trust me, I tried).

Note: Please do not reassure me I'm not faking it. You do not know me. Any other sort of advice (e.g. how to bring this up to a professional) is appreciated tho.

 

[Hvergelmir]

If you're faking disabilities, that would in itself constitute a disability. Referring to it as 'fake', is a bit like like referring hypochondria as 'pretending to be sick'. It's close, but it gives the wrong idea.

There's always an aspect of just snapping out of it - to just take control and do better. It's what therapy is meant to teach, and what meds are supposed to help with.
Mental things tend to have up and downs. Do your best, and hopefully you'll reach a point where you no longer qualify for a diagnosis.

As for bringing it up to a professional; just tell them about the situation like you did in the post.
I think it might be a good idea to look into what enables or prevents you from snapping out of it. Sometimes it's natural up and downs, but often it's external factors that you can avoid or deal with.

 

[WhiskeySolstice]

Note: Please do not reassure me I'm not faking it. You do not know me. Any other sort of advice (e.g. how to bring this up to a professional) is appreciated tho.

Roger that.
Although I'd like to offer the following perspective: If you are faking it, why do you need to ask yourself if you're faking it?
As for snapping out of breakdowns or panic attacks, that's a management method.

But like you said, I don't know you. So I can't say whether you're faking it or not. But like the comment above said, if you're faking it, something else is very very wrong, and you still aren't okay. No sane person needs to fake anything of the sort.

If you live with distress for long enough, it's gonna try to find a way to express itself to you, through various means. If that's through mimicking another disability, that's still a sign you're not doing well, and it does not diminish that you need care.

 

[I Me & Myself]

I think it might be a good idea to look into what enables or prevents you from snapping out of it. Sometimes it's natural up and downs, but often it's external factors that you can avoid or deal with

That is really good advice, thank you truly. I actually haven't looked into when this works/doesn't work a whole lot and it might give me a clue what's going on.

If you are faking it, why do you need to ask yourself if you're faking it?

I think about that a lot too. And I've come to the conclusion that I'm more or less doing it subconsciously because I've always recieved attention when I was noticeably unwell (obviously) and I just at some point started "abusing" this. For some reason.

Thus I can snap out of it once I realise I'm just putting on a "mask".

Now that I think about it, I've been told by family as a child that I put on an act of being unwell/ill very well and maybe I just internalised that... I'm just rambling

Either way, thank you for offering another perspective

 

[Dot]

And I've come to the conclusion that I'm more or less doing it subconsciously because I've always recieved attention when I was noticeably unwell (obviously) and I just at some point started "abusing" this. For some reason.

Thus I can snap out of it once I realise I'm just putting on a "mask".

If smethng = sb-conscs b-havr tht ds nt = fakng

= wld sggest a conditnd rsponse t/ smethng tht u r tryn2 achve whch cld b workd thru wth a therpst

Lts of m.h issus r causd b/ havng sub-conscs drivrs & workng hw t/ brk thse pattrns

S/ cld alwys b wrth askng abt

 

[I Me & Myself]

If smethng = sb-conscs b-havr tht ds nt = fakng

= wld sggest a conditnd rsponse t/ smethng tht u r tryn2 achve whch cld b workd thru wth a therpst

Lts of m.h issus r causd b/ havng sub-conscs drivrs & workng hw t/ brk thse pattrns

S/ cld alwys b wrth askng abt

You're definetly correct, if it really is a subconscious response to something it can be worked through or at least understood. Which is really what I want right now. I want to understand what's happening and whether I actually have this disability or other issues that need an entirely different approach.

I'm glad I worked up the courage to talk about it here, the responses are encouraging me to actually talk about it with a professional in real life.