work to live, live to work

[kuniwan]

One of the things that I find really discouraging about living is the fact that a lot of us are going to spend a good chunk of our lives working or learning to work until we grow old.

Currently, I'm set to graduate and land a solid job, but I don't feel particularly happy about it. In fact, it feels like I've had to put down a lot of the things I like and my individuality to make my career work. What's the point of living when it feels like I have to put the things I enjoy secondary to work or feel like a hindrance?

Have you guys had similar thoughts? What do you do to cope with it? How do you maintain your life away from work?

 

[Cherry Crumpet]

I'm feeling this too. Sadly it's a feature of how our society is set up. You either are born into wealth or you have to work to just exist. I don't hate the concept of work itself, hell, I need something to do on a semi daily basis that gives my life structure. It's the part where you have to do it if you literally want to keep existing that bothers me.

I wish I could give you some wise words or some sage advice, esp since I'm older (39).. but it seems like all I've gained with my additional years is a mighty heap of trauma. But, I will say, try to find a job that you like, or at least can tolerate.

The job I'm at now. I really like it because I really like the people there. It does zap all of my energy and I've been working full time for a good 10 years and still don't know how people have shit like families or social lives. I need the weekend to just recover from being around people for 9 hrs a day 5 days a week.

One thing that has helped - working on mindfulness. Trying to be in teh current moment and analyzing how I really feel. Often I find I don't feel nearly as miserable as I 'think' I do when I'm able to pull myself out of my head long enough to just breathe and be in the present moment. I want to get into meditation, but well.. I need to clean my place up first.

I did one exercise a therapist suggested. In my car when I got home from work. I'd spend 10 minutes just.. watching the scenery. Not letting my mind focus on anything, but letting it be empty. At first it felt like 1 minute was 20, and I kept checking the car clock.. but over time, I found it really did help do a hard reset on my brain. I need to get back into doing that again. Hell, I think that even counts as some kind of meditation.

Hope something in this rambly mess helped you a bit.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I worked hard and paid lots of money to study for a job that I would enjoy- so I definitely fell into the 'live to work' category for a good decade. Sometimes, that saying- 'If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life' (Mark Anthony) applied to me- sometimes. I'm grateful for the luck element there but I worked and continue to work damn hard for it. Really- I did it to the exclusion of everything else but I was ok with that for a long time. It was my hobby, my purpose, my love really and my job all in one.

However- that has been so hard to sustain financially (it's a creative job.) I've done wage slave jobs in the past and I'm absolutely dreading having to get one again because I know how miserable they make me. But- I know I don't have a choice. The thought of sponging off my parents is worse. The only way I'm trying to cope with it is to tell myself it won't be forever. It's just to tide me over. I won't quit my creative job entirely.

For you, do you not enjoy what you studied at all? Maybe then, it's a case of finding the employer with the most benefits. Think about the bigger picture- if you are going to likely hate the job, could you maybe do it part time so that you can pursue other hobbies? Factor in the commute time definitely. I found- even better jobs didn't feel worth it after a really long commute. What is the holiday allowance like? Do they have other benefits like gym membership- if you want that kind of thing. If you are in a strong position canditate wise- hopefully, you'll be able to pick and choose.

Something I never learnt but that I've seen work well for others is to not be overly lenient with overtime and flexibility. Ok- if it's an emergency but- you start working through your lunch time and breaks and start taking work home/ staying late- it starts to become expected of you. My Grandpa was very much a company man but he used to say to my Dad- leave the office for your lunch hour. I think it's sensible. I've done the exact opposite and people really take the piss because they know I'll do it.

I think the main one is balance though. I have friends who have always been good at getting the balance right in life. They're really quick to tell me that you need to put effort into all areas of life- work, socialising, hobbies, exercise, home life. I guess it's just trying to be conscious of it all. Good luck!

 

[mangotahii]

ah, i understand that really well, im finishing something similar to college this year and the main thing about it is that you have more work than school, most of the time i just get back home and do nothing since im too tired, but sometimes i find energy to engage in some hobbies and rest. i definitely dont like the idea of having to work just so i can live tho, as my mental health seems to decline just cause of having to go to work/school, but it's life, i dont have a choice in this. i hope everyone struggling with work now gets some rest though, you all deserve it, and im proud that you keep going :>

 

[edu0z]

One of the things that I find really discouraging about living is the fact that a lot of us are going to spend a good chunk of our lives working or learning to work until we grow old.

Currently, I'm set to graduate and land a solid job, but I don't feel particularly happy about it. In fact, it feels like I've had to put down a lot of the things I like and my individuality to make my career work. What's the point of living when it feels like I have to put the things I enjoy secondary to work or feel like a hindrance?

Have you guys had similar thoughts? What do you do to cope with it? How do you maintain your life away from work?

It is a question of responsibility. I used to feel like this all the time when I was a child (14-18)... I was constantly preparing myself to be able to make a living doing what I like since living doing something you don't like didn't seem like a life to me. Today I work doing something I love but along the way I had to do many things that I didn't want to do. At first I felt bad, it was like I was prostituting myself (with all the respect in the world towards prostitution). Then I realized that I wasn't doing it just for myself, I had to help support my family since my parents are very old and my sister is very little, also to be able to do what I like I needed money so while I was saving money I had to work. in many rubbish jobs (and not office jobs, hard jobs, construction, clerking, etc.). Thinking about that kept me motivated. I guess as you grow up you realize that you have to take on responsibilities and life is not just about spending the day doing what you want, but what you should do. That doesn't mean it's a bad life. Feelings are a matter of learning to control them.