Venting Wishing I could just go through with it.

[nightmare_moon]

If I did it impulsively without thinking, it'd be so easy! It's frustrating because I came so close to dying last week, but I just threw up all the pills I swallowed and felt sick all day instead. There's a lot I wish I could've done and things I'd like to contribute, but I know nothing I do will mean anything so I try not to think about it. I would be happier if I never had the opportunity to be conscious, and the best I can do now is rid myself of the burden of existence. If life is so desirable, then why is it so insufferable?