Venting Wish that I could find someone on this website who could treat me like shit.

[Hellish Ore]

The title says it all. I can't have anyone smack the shit out of me irl, so I'm trying to find someone online who could do that for me. DM me. I fucked up big time.

 

[M48 Patton]

Sounds like me but this sort of thing might not help. I don't know your situation but i don't think people here want to hurt you, or I certainly hope they wouldn't. Maybe you chat to someone about how you feel that will listen impartially.

I've spent so so so long hating myself. The last few years of my life have been nothing but fuck ups and all my fault

 

[Hellish Ore]

Sounds like me but this sort of thing might not help. I don't know your situation but i don't think people here want to hurt you, or I certainly hope they wouldn't. Maybe you chat to someone about how you feel that will listen impartially.

I've spent so so so long hating myself. The last few years of my life have been nothing but fuck ups and all my fault

Hey, thanks for the reply. I just feel like for me it's much easier to get through the day if I have someone who would treat me this way. I've done and said a lot of bad things to people, and by someone giving me this, I would feel like I'm paying for it all.

 

[qw3rty259]

Not directly related but try to run for an hour (or more) to the point of fainting... There were moments when I used physical activity as a kind of "punishment" for how a bad of a person I am. It feels like you are getting what you deserve but maybe not in a very harmful way, maybe it has some benefits to your health but at the end of the session you're definitely feeling like shit and ironically it makes you feel slightly better. Sometimes I hope that my excessive training will cause a heart attack or something... (Probably not gonna happen tho, but sometimes i feel weird sensations in the heart area)

 

[Hellish Ore]

Not directly related but try to run for an hour (or more) to the point of fainting... There were moments when I used physical activity as a kind of "punishment" for how a bad of a person I am. It feels like you are getting what you deserve but maybe not in a very harmful way, maybe it has some benefits to your health but at the end of the session you're definitely feeling like shit and ironically it makes you feel slightly better. Sometimes I hope that my excessive training will cause a heart attack or something... (Probably not gonna happen tho, but sometimes i feel weird sensations in the heart area)

I have used this method many times. It's just that I don't leave the house much and it's out of reach when I'm at the house. Sometimes I have thoughts of throwing myself down the stairs, but I really don't want to end up breaking a bone. Sometimes I hold my breath for long periods of time, until it gets painfully uncomfortable. Getting shampoo in my eyes affects me for a long time. I'm not quite sure why I'm saying alk of this here. I'm sorry.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Is this a kink thing or something?

 

[EternalSummer]

Is this a kink thing or something?

Lol, i wouldnt doubt it.

 

[M48 Patton]

Hey, thanks for the reply. I just feel like for me it's much easier to get through the day if I have someone who would treat me this way. I've done and said a lot of bad things to people, and by someone giving me this, I would feel like I'm paying for it all.

Hey, thanks for the reply. I just feel like for me it's much easier to get through the day if I have someone who would treat me this way. I've done and said a lot of bad things to people, and by someone giving me this, I would feel like I'm paying for it all.

Thats okay. I hate myself with a passion so I know what it's like. I live with a lot of personal regret. But clearly you already are punishing yourself. You don't need anyone here to do that to you. Vent. Scream about it here if you want. This a place I've found lots of us can all congregate and vent our frustrations

Maybe exercise might help. A punch bag.

 

[Esokabat]

Strangely your wish will actually happen one day. I know that the majority of people don't believe in the continuation of consciousness, but after dying, there is a period called life review, and during this period, you re-experience your whole life, from birth to death, from another person's perspective.
I know a guy who used to beat people up, in fact he was a professional hitman of sort, I think in the military, he died during a lightning strike and had to re-experience all the things he did and said but feeling every blow from the other person's perspective.
He even experienced it down to third and fourth level, as someone went home and their wife could see what happened to her husband all beaten up by him, he even experienced the emotions of the wife of the guy he beat up, her shame, sorrow, etc.
Anyway, many people say these are hallucinations but why would anyone hallucinate their entire life from the other person's perspective, including all the emotional and physical pain.
I know it is hard to believe but you wish for will happen.
On a positive note, nobody will judge you, the life review is not about judgement, although you might judge yourself, but that's it.
The solution to your issue is not more self hate but self love. Being beaten up will not cause more self love, therefore it will not make anything better. What you want is useless and will not improve anything for you.
It would be more useful to spend 5 minutes each day telling yourself that you forgive yourself and love yourself.
Louise Hay has some really good meditations on Youtube that focuses on forgiving yourself, any traumas, your parents. You would get much more out of spending 5 minutes a day with that than any beat up

 

[divinemistress36]

Strangely your wish will actually happen one day. I know that the majority of people don't believe in the continuation of consciousness, but after dying, there is a period called life review, and during this period, you re-experience your whole life, from birth to death, from another person's perspective.
I know a guy who used to beat people up, in fact he was a professional hitman of sort, I think in the military, he died during a lightning strike and had to re-experience all the things he did and said but feeling every blow from the other person's perspective.
He even experienced it down to third and fourth level, as someone went home and their wife could see what happened to her husband all beaten up by him, he even experienced the emotions of the wife of the guy he beat up, her shame, sorrow, etc.
Anyway, many people say these are hallucinations but why would anyone hallucinate their entire life from the other person's perspective, including all the emotional and physical pain.
I know it is hard to believe but you wish for will happen.
On a positive note, nobody will judge you, the life review is not about judgement, although you might judge yourself, but that's it.
The solution to your issue is not more self hate but self love. Being beaten up will not cause more self love, therefore it will not make anything better. What you want is useless and will not improve anything for you.
It would be more useful to spend 5 minutes each day telling yourself that you forgive yourself and love yourself.
Louise Hay has some really good meditations on Youtube that focuses on forgiving yourself, any traumas, your parents. You would get much more out of spending 5 minutes a day with that than any beat up

My friend had a nde and said the same thing had a life review and felt everyones pain