Wish I could hide my issues

[delayedcactus]

Anyone else wish they could hide their issues, not have their problems so visible and obvious? For me, I'm one of those people that are easily readable. People often have avoided me or asked me if I'm doing ok because of the expression of my eyes as I have this perpetually sad look even when I smile. It's true, I find it hard to enjoy things in life and connect with people. The happiest I felt was when I was a kid. 10 years ago when I started uni I told my parents I didn't feel connected to anyone (which I guess was dissociation) and at the time I didn't know how to process that feeling and waved it off as me being immature, but now that I'm older and still feel that way often, it's clear that it's a fault of my personality/brain. However, I genuinely enjoy the company of kindhearted, funny people and like talking to them. It makes me feel "normal" when I'm around people like that. I wish there was some way I could fake my emotions and feelings. I don't know what's worse, faking it and not having anyone suspect anything or not being able to fake it and having everyone you meet make a negative first impression of you. This alone makes me suicidal.

 

[Pluto]

I have the same experience. I yearn for meaningful connections but can't even pass the small talk stage. The more I lose confidence, the worse it gets.

 

[real person]

i don't understand how people can dislike sad people. being sad just makes me relate to them more i guess