Story Winning battles with my subconscious

[whatevs]

My subconscious is all to aware that I've put myself in this bad situation so I find it hard to redirect from it. Like; "I'm a fucking idiot who did this that and that", I can only agree and I can't replace the thought, and observing it just brings the next similar thought in infinitum. This is what makes recovery feel impossible to me, I had not learned from my mistakes until they could not be repaired..

You're in a worse situation than me because I've frequently caught "the voice" prophecizing erroneously or giving assertions about me that are partially or completely false.

In short, the voice is wrong and it only makes the things it tells you about more likely to transpire by existing. Its behavior is unnaceptable. It is a sabotager. Even if you were the biggest loser on Earth you ought to have a subconscious that defends you and has a positive bias towards you. Anything else is pathological.

 

[4hrs50min]

You're in a worse situation than me because I've frequently caught "the voice" prophecizing erroneously or giving assertions about me that are partially or completely false.

In short, the voice is wrong and it only makes the things it tells you about more likely to transpire by existing. Its behavior is unnaceptable. It is a sabotager. Even if you were the biggest loser on Earth you ought to have a subconscious that defends you and has a positive bias towards you. Anything else is pathological.

You are probably right. I've been in the position before in my life where my subconscious told me more like lies but now it hits so close.. My only hope to change my thoughts is an employments, for distraction and building up new experience and doing stuff that are good so I can counter my subconscious with positive stuff. Rn I got nothing positive..

I realize we are in the recovery part of the forum but feeling like it's fact that I am in a bad position rather gives me hope that I can overcome SI because of that.. rather than believing the impossible (recovery)

 

[whatevs]

You are probably right. I've been in the position before in my life where my subconscious told me more like lies but now it hits so close.. My only hope to change my thoughts is an employments, for distraction and building up new experience and doing stuff that are good so I can counter my subconscious with positive stuff. Rn I got nothing positive..

I realize we are in the recovery part of the forum but feeling like it's fact that I am in a bad position rather gives me hope that I can overcome SI because of that.. rather than believing the impossible (recovery)

I believe suicide can be a viable path and that living can sometimes be the wrong choice. I'm not sure which one is my case, which is why I'm not dead.

 

[MrShino]

I tried to explain it but let's try again. Be aware every day that YOUR mind decides how YOU feel, NOT what's outside. If you're ugly, fat, a wagecuck or a 31 yo virgin is NOT what makes you suffer but how YOU feel regarding what other people think or act based on how you look or what you do. Think of this quote by Epictetus: "We are not tormented by things but by our opinion of things". Whenever you are confronted with something that seems impossible to change, you need to change yourself so that thing no longer bothers you.

This doesn't mean we shouldn't strive to improve but it does mean that if I have to brainwash myself into feeling like I can live without sex I will do so. Nobody has to live with me but myself so I have to make sure I'm always on my side (my subconscious). The core of this treatment is to plunge into solipsism, and something related has happened organically among hardcore conspiracy realists. Thinking that most people are part of the simulation or not as real as we are. Therefore rendering their ostracism, their whole society invalid.

I had to resort to this because of my severe social anxiety and 'otherness', other people might need a different approach. My strategy is extreme but my problems are also extreme. Basically I'm trying to boost the defense-boosting aspects of Narcissism and Solipsism and wrap it all up with Stoicism and Mysticism (the belief that the material world is a inferior state and there's something better for those that overcome it).

Honestly, even if it's all delusions, which I doubt, I'm caring for myself with this plan and that's all that matters. When faced with the type of pain that leads to suicide your mind will warp and grasp for anything. I find the idea of a completely transformed individual that's unphased by society's bullshit beautiful, even if some delusions were used as useful tools in the process. Society proved with modern art, September 11 or with C19 that they are strongly delusional, so if I can craft my own delusions to make myself invulnerable it's only fair.

Reminds me of how I viewed the world in my 20's; mostly like the buddhistic concept that life perceived here is likened to a dream. It's actually a really carefree way to live, akin to solipsism. You don't take life and others so seriously. Is it true? Who knows, but it works somehow.

 

[whatevs]

What I have done that's worked slightly is to pay attention to what I'm telling the subconscious. There's some communication FROM the conscious mind to the sub, although most is from sub to surface. Putting on nice clothes, cleaning, tidying up your room, the things you say about yourself to other people...

 

[Pluto]

the buddhistic concept that life perceived here is likened to a dream.

Ramana Maharshi was very blunt on this point. He said that only the formless Self is real. The waking state is equally false to the dream state. I laughed when he described the two states as 'dream 1' and 'dream 2'. He said the only difference is that the former has an apparent sense of continuity. I wish I could have that same direct insight.

In the Advaita tradition, in order to count as 'real' something has to exist timelessly and it has to shine by its own light. Hence nothing in the physical manifestation meets that requirement, only pure consciousness.

What I have done that's worked slightly is to pay attention to what I'm telling the subconscious.

Since most people would obediently identify with any of these voices and you have successfully overcome that most profound weakness of the human condition, have you ever called into question the 'I' who is engaging in all of these internal dialogues?

 

[MrShino]

Ramana Maharshi was very blunt on this point. He said that only the formless Self is real. The waking state is equally false to the dream state. I laughed when he described the two states as 'dream 1' and 'dream 2'. He said the only difference is that the former has an apparent sense of continuity. I wish I could have that same direct insight.

In the Advaita tradition, in order to count as 'real' something has to exist timelessly and it has to shine by its own light. Hence nothing in the physical manifestation meets that requirement, only pure consciousness.


Since most people would obediently identify with any of these voices and you have successfully overcome that most profound weakness of the human condition, have you ever called into question the 'I' who is engaging in all of these internal dialogues?

Interesting. Perhaps we will one day awaken from the illusion of reality, or that when we die - this life and it's memory fleets by like traces from a dream. Who knows. I refuse to believe that this life is all there is; granted it's suffering and incompleteness. It just doesn't feel like 'true life' or really real existence. On the other hand; that the incredible details of this world (just take all information in it's extreme detailedness and complexity) can be a mere dream doesn't sound right either.

 

[ConstantBattle]

I will object but don't take that as an insult, please. I will explain my perspective because I also have this voice in my head. I know "him/her" very well.
I think this voice is no one. This voice is just us. When we care about something, we want something to happen in a particular way when we don't want something to happen. We can be anxious and/or sad. When this happens, our thoughts will be activated to achieve the outcome we want or preserve what is in our hands. When this happens we usually think more. We argue in that voice in our head we try to find solutions to our problems. And that makes the first thoughts multiple, stronger, much harsher, and scarier. After all, we come to the point that the thoughts become something else they have nothing to do with the solution at that point. The thoughts become a monster that tortures us. But even when we face the monster, it just makes us remember what we wanted in the first place. For example, the voice in your head says "You will never get laid, you disgusting piece of shit.". That indicates you want to find a partner, be a better person and improve and change into someone better. So what are your thoughts doing in here? Are they helping you to achieve what you desire? No, because they changed into something scarier with your effort when they started in the first place. What will you do when you hear that scary voice again now? You will make the first mistake you made in the first place probably. You will argue with that voice, want to make the thoughts go, and maybe try to suppress them. These efforts will only make the voice worse and scarier. And then the loop will go on and on and on.

Shortly, all I wanted to say is that our efforts to make things better create this voice in the first place.

I do not take this as an insult at all! This is why we are here, to share our opinions and experiences (this is why i love forums over facebook or reddit etc...). Comments like yours are an excellent source of better insight. The more I read other peoples experiences and opinions the more I learn and sometimes find new ways to improve myself.
You are correct, this inner voice is us but as to why it is often so detached from our outer selves I do not know. You are also correct that those are my wants in life and youd think my subconscious would have helped me to achieve these wants instead of fighting against me. I am unsure why it was like that (perhaps due to certain experiences/traumas from my childhood).
In my situation it helped seeing it as a different part of me, perhaps the soul within me or something along those lines. It helped me create a connection to it and I have to say it worked amazingly for me. This inner voice went from being my biggest enemy to now, my greatest ally. All of this by simply acknowledging it and speaking to it as if it was another person within me. I was able to reason with "myself" and turn the negativity around, even the shittiest of days are now bareable just by talking to my inner voice and being supported by it. I mean Fuck! For the past few years I was contemplating of starting to go to the gym but that inner voice always only presented me with negative thoughts regarding it. And now this fucker (you know i love you, my inner self <3) has convinced me to give it a try! And I do not regret it a single bit!

What i also find interresting is that this internal voice is not as common as it was thought to be, it seems not all humans process information in such a way. A quick web search provided this article https://www.livescience.com/does-everyone-have-inner-monologue.html