Will you leave a hateful suicide note?

[Eatyourveggies12]

I do not hate majority of my family members but i do not love them either. My emotions towards them are neutral.

I know my suicide will cause them a fair amount of pain and grief but i do not care. Relationships are a two way street,if you don't care about my emotions,why should I care about yours? Simply put.

BUT my mother i hate deep within my soul,well what's left of it at this point.
She is the main reason I am this insecure, withdrawn,empty shell of a human being.

Yo man you cannot let your past and mother drag you down,you gotta be a man and fight through it. FUUUUCKK OFF WITH YOUR SHITTY ASS ADVICE.

So I am suppose to just forget all the abuse, emotional neglect,ridiculing,constant criticism,denial of my mental illnesses, invasion of my privacy,lack of any support, huh? Gotta be a big boy and put on my wage slaving boots,keep my head down and consume shit that will never fill the hole in my chest right?

There is a saying "It's easier to raise a child than fix an adult" and well most of us cannot afford to fix ourselfs in this capitalistic dystopia.

I cannot believe i was birthed by this woman. I cannot make eye contact with her. She was suppose to raise me,protect me,love me ffs,teach me how to fly in this world but no, instead she broke my legs. And the best part she is completely oblivious to it.

I know the perception of me will change once i ctb. I will go from a lazy,leeching, ungrateful man child to a sweet, sensitive loving boy who had so much to give to the world but couldn't fight off his demons hahaha. What a joke.

I'm totally fine with it because I know most people are just following the protocol,and will move on and forget in like a day. It's like the news,here is some horrible tragic event for 15minutes anddd anyway on to sports. But my mother is delusional.

My mother will truly believe that she was a loving,caring, supportive person.
She will go around shoving pictures of me,calling me her sweet boy,making it all about how she is hurt,how she tried to help me.

I am not going into my grave letting her think that,i want her to know how much pain she caused me.
I want her to know her own son hated her,i don't care if it breaks her ice cold heart into pieces.
I was not her little boy or son,i was just an incovinence she shitted out of her vagina.

I have my method,i just need to test it.
i have to be 100%sure that it will not fail.
I am not surviving only to be left a pity vegetable in a wheelchair.

thanks for reading this rant or whatever.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

I think people should be allowed to do whatever they want in regards to their suicide note but I personally do not hate anyone except myself and that is not rational anyway.
I think it could be healthy to hate people though but I simply cannot feel anything.

 

[Ghost2211]

I think it's good you express what you want and need said. It will help you process and feel better. A note is a very personal and specific thing. I haven't planned or written a note to any degree.

 

[Life_and_Death]

IF i write a note, it would not be a hateful one as it would be addressed to my loved ones. however that doesnt mean i wouldnt have someone put my life story on the front page of the paper and every wheres else for that matter. the people should know who they are calling "friends" and who they really are.

 

[AutoTap]

I personally won't. I understand why some people would though

 

[Weary Soul]

"She was suppose to raise me,protect me,love me ffs,teach me how to fly in this world but no, instead she broke my legs."

I had a very similar mother.

From my experience no matter what I said or did, she twisted or used it in an attempt to put me down and make herself look the victim - she did this throughout my life. She was also outright our very subtly abusive - it was horrific and I feel the scars of those old wounds to this day.

After I am dead, whether I write a note or not, she will still twist whatever I have to say to continue to promote her victim role.

So I will write nothing to her, not one thing; however, I am writing notes to others.

 

[k75]

I can understand why you might, and I'm sorry you had to live with that. I personally won't. I don't hate or resent anyone but myself.

However, I think omission is more hurtful that anger. If you were to make a point to write everyone except her, that might have a bigger impact.

 

[VainVanity]

I have put some consideration into what I would write. I would not go after anybody personally but I would state the way I feel about the the delusion of mans self importance on this rotting, burning, jungle of a planet. I would focus on the futility of our efforts to "immortalize" ourselves and point out the fact that nearly every decision that could be made is egoic at its core and it is best we just keel over and die out. We are not serving any important function here and it is all vanity. Somebody could interpret it as misanthropic but it's simply the truth. We all suffer in vain the more we keep breeding. I hope you find the path of least resistance on your way out.

 

[laeloth]

I had a mother like that so I understand you. I still have to bear it. It's like you've made a description of her. But my note will not contain hate. I don't want to hurt her despite her lack of empathy and negligence excite her with me.

Someone told me that "mental illnesses don't exist, it's parents"

 

[sadworld]

No, definitely not. I'm afraid that someone else could ctb because of something I said.

 

[WornOutLife]

Nah, I'm in ZEN MODE and even though I hate humanity and this universe, I'm not interested in leaving hateful messages because I'll die just because of my mental problems and lack of effort (and interest) to do and enjoy the things you're supposed to in life.


When I failed to CTB some months ago, I left some goodbye letters to my family and they were all about love and what I wanted them to do with my stuff. I'll do it again next time.

 

[Deleted member 23586]

I have already sent people who abused me their dismissal letters. When I kick people out of my life they all get a letter on why, what they did wrong, and who they really are. I have a small circle, im introverted, and afraid of people. When I let people in, it takes a long time, but they usually end up abandoning me. The people who are still around are the only ones I got, So their wont be any letters to people I hate because they get them right away and sometimes to their faces/over the phone (looking at you person on my birth certificate). Thanks to BPD (not really) I have another side that is the total opposite of who I am. Has a gender and a name. It's so odd to explain unless you have DID. It's not the same thing, but their cousins in a lot of ways. (My sis has DID). And he's protective of me. Always defensive, never offensive. So they already got what they deserve.

 

[UberYeets]

@PinkMidnight I can relate to your name, statement and comment so much at the same time...were we cloned in the same lab? I intend to ctb at midnight one day anyway

 

[Kruger]

No i would not. It's something a teenager might do. Despite the fact that people have done indescribably hateful things to me, things i cannot even talk about, things that make me wonder how I haven't yet died from grief and a broken heart, I would not do it. When you reach my stage of life, you understand that there is only 1 kind of justice - the spiritual kind. So let it be.
That said, your spirit lingers a while after it leaves the meat suit. If I can, i want to burn down several NHS establishments where I have exposed corruption and where for example, they have falsified my medical records. That would give me great pleasure - however I have also heard that the spirit is generally keen to get going and soon forgets this world - because there is so much bliss to enjoy. Provided you know how to avoid the reincarnation trap of course. Because yes, the Controllers who run this place and suck the life energy out of us also control the other side. They recycle our souls, they cannot survive otherwise because they feed off our energy.

 

[Arrow]

i'd say no to leaving any hate in your final work. i know you want your mother to know that she caused you to be the way you are, but why even leave her with that, you know? you will be gone anyway, you won't live to see how your revealed hatred did or didn't tear her up after your death, so why make your last letter to the world something negative? if you're gonna do it and you want to leave a note, put as little hate into it as possible. that's what's id say.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Just hate myself ngl

 

[Deleted member 23586]

@PinkMidnight I can relate to your name, statement and comment so much at the same time...were we cloned in the same lab? I intend to ctb at midnight one day anyway

Midnight twins! I also planed to go at midnight as well. The pink comes fromthe way i see myself. And The feeling of peace and wholesomeness I want to feel. And the way I want to be seen. But I also want others to feel at peace with themselves. I know I'm a dork lol. You didnt ask for any of that haha.

 

[yetme]

no, because it won't matter when I die

 

[NodusTollens]

Nah. Though, I might acknowledge past hurt, so it wouldn't seem so out of the blue... But overall, I would rather be positive, especially since I've seen first hand how it can affect those left behind.
*sigh*
(~_~)

 

[hoping to lose hope]

Just hate myself ngl

Missed you eggy

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Missed you eggy

missed you too comrade

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Mine will be very hateful towards myself and maybe my dad but that's about it.

 

[hoping to lose hope]

missed you too comrade

I get back onto chat thing in a week!
Umm yes I hope to be able to chat with you though in meantime.

 

[Symbiote]

The best thing you can do if you want to keep them questioning their life after you pass is to not mention them in your note. Bring closure to the ones you love, but deny closure to the ones you hate.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

My mother will truly believe that she was a loving,caring, supportive person.
She will go around shoving pictures of me,calling me her sweet boy,making it all about how she is hurt,how she tried to help me.

I am not going into my grave letting her think that,i want her to know how much pain she caused me.
I want her to know her own son hated her,i don't care if it breaks her ice cold heart into pieces.

Sending compassion. I feel you about not getting the foundational tools to succeed in the world, and also wanting to set the record straight.

Another perspective to possibly consider...

I think it's likely that a letter is not going to free her of her beliefs, you don't really allow her to think as she does, that's how she thinks regardless. If she were open to reason, she would have already demonstrated such willingness (or ability, or both).

You certainly won't be around to stop her from making herself look good.

So, why not tell her now? Why not get the satisfaction of telling her and seeing the results (probably not as shattering as you would think, or not in any way you would think, I predict she'll probably deflect, blame you or someone else, double down, etc., but it's amazing the internal changes one can experience from confronting an abuser). And why not out her to others so that she can't trick them into letting her feed off their pity? I finally outed my parents to a bunch of people by sending out certified letters, so if after shunning me my parents are unwise enough to claim my body and have a funeral to look good, everyone already knows from me that they're full of shit, they freaking shunned me, and they haven't known for years where I am, how I am, or what I'm doing. If after all that people are still, sucked in, that's their problem, and I hope they're all happy together in crazyworld, as some people really like it there.

I got free of my problems by not carrying the burden of their secrets and their undeserved reputations anymore. And before that, several years ago, I got free when I held my parents accountable and then offered forgiveness, and because both acts were insisting they accept reality, they "punished" me by cutting me out of their fucked-up abuser lives. I wish I'd nutted up and cut them off way sooner as it would have been far more empowering, but I'm grateful they proved to me how shitty and deluded they really are and set me free, it turned out to be one of the best gifts they ever gave me though they intended for it to emotionally destroy me or cave and stop, you know, falsely blaming them (so nurturing, so loving, what ever possessed me to give that up?).

I can highly recommend living in reality and declaring it to those who are living in crazyworld. They'll probably stay there, but it's so freeing to put it in its proper place, way the fuck away.

Wishing you only the best, whatever you decide to do.

The best thing you can do if you want to keep them questioning their life after you pass is to not mention them in your note. Bring closure to the ones you love, but deny closure to the ones you hate.

Well hot damn. My brain doesn't work that way, I never thought of that.

 

[JustLosingMyself]

They'll be quite hurt as it is.
What purpose would a hateful suicide note serve?

 

[Weary Soul]

I can understand why you might, and I'm sorry you had to live with that. I personally won't. I don't hate or resent anyone but myself.

However, I think omission is more hurtful that anger. If you were to make a point to write everyone except her, that might have a bigger impact.

This is very true.

In my case, knowing my mother, she will fabricate a note to show people anyway.

I do not want to die with hate/rage/pain in my heart, I want to go as peacefully as I can.

So, for me, rather than focusing on what others have done to me (including almost killing me - wish they had!), I am going to try to focus on the times when I felt happiest and the beauty I have seen in the world.

My heart goes out to you, I know how much damage parents like this can do.

<3

 

[lost guy]

My note does not contain any messages of hatred toward a person. However, it does express my feelings of wanting to die by essentially blaming my ex because she left me. I do feel some guilt over it, but at the same time I feel like it's the only way I can get her to truly feel my pain.

I guess I am that looney guy that got his heart broken and perhaps may have become mildly obsessed with not moving on. But 11 years together is a long time and I do believe she cares about me. So, I feel bad for wanting her to know that much of the reason why I no longer want to live is because without her and the family/life we built together, I have no longer have a sense of purpose in life.

 

[losthope123]

I think if I were to write a note it would address important people on a case by case basis. Therefore, some of it might be negative and some of it could be positive.

 

[yive]

there is a big chance that i'll leave a hateful note.
because it is my style