Will you be suicidal no matter what?

[Xaxysh]

I feel like i will be unless i find an island all for myself, i always wanted to live on a warm island.
i feel like only in a place like that i would be at peace

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Maybe there are some cute girls HERE that want a guy who understands their stuff
?? Ladies??

Few months ago I was contacted by this girl on reddit and she was nice to me. We have some things in common which she liked. She was indirectly suggesting a relationship with me. It was like the "1 in 14,000,005" chance but it was ruined probably by my continuous suicidal and self loathing posts. I sometimes ask what if I didn't say those things? Would she visit me in my country like she suggested if we become close? Life is very bad for some of us.

The girl I was referring to was actually from here. She was only a member for about a week or two before she self banned but she opened my heart only for me to muck it up for myself as usual. I wish I hadn't told her I'm INFP because apparently that was enough to inform of the very true possibility that I would get too attached. My own personality is disqualifying me from love by making it so that love is the only motivation that will sway me in any possible way.

Needless to say, I'm far more wary now about any girls even on SS. Being more receptive to the same ideals seems like a promising trait but it becomes a drawback when I realize that anyone smart enough to be on SS wouldn't be stupid enough to want to get involved with me anyway especially knowing I will always have this other girl to compare them to. She really made it impossible for me to fully move on by being so close to perfect.

 

[Deleted member 8579]

Once you realize that suicide is an option there is no turning back.

It's akin to discovering you've been taking a placebo:
A placebo only has a chance of working if you're unaware of its ineffectiveness; once you become aware of it being a placebo, it's useless.
This is why ordinary people don't like to be reminded of the possibility of suicide.

 

[puppet_nihilist]

I have no idea, because neither have I ever been 'happy' nor have I ever accomplished anything I had wanted to.

This is so relatable. Would be cool to test myself out and see if I would still be suicidal if my life went financially smooth or had been allowed to pick a major that I'd enjoy. The fact that isn't even an option at this point makes me even more miserable. Guess some of us will never know. I feel bad for whoever has a stable life and is still suicidal and I feel equally bad for those who will never know whether they're suicidal merely because of their shitty circumstances or that they'll always be that way no matter what their status in life was.

 

[death137]

The girl I was referring to was actually from here. She was only a member for about a week or two before she self banned but she opened my heart only for me to muck it up for myself as usual. I wish I hadn't told her I'm INFP because apparently that was enough to inform of the very true possibility that I would get too attached. My own personality is disqualifying me from love by making it so that love is the only motivation that will sway me in any possible way.

Needless to say, I'm far more wary now about any girls even on SS. Being more receptive to the same ideals seems like a promising trait but it becomes a drawback when I realize that anyone smart enough to be on SS and wouldn't be stupid enough to want to get involved with me anyway especially knowing I will always have this other girl to compare them to. She really made it impossible for me to fully move on by being so close to perfect.

That's sad. I'm familiar with your story because I remember reading about it in another thread. Some of us will die without experiencing romantic love. There is nothing we can do about it :(

 

[Symbiote]

Had it for so long it's a part of me now and I feel if I ever get better, the urge to suicide will only grow stronger or the expectations to suicide will be stronger. I've also used suicide as an ultimatum to self-motivate myself into doing things. It has worked so far and I have had a few close calls. I've set up two goals this year as ultimatums,

 

[Beachedwhale]

Had it for so long it's a part of me now and I feel if I ever get better, the urge to suicide will only grow stronger or the expectations to suicide will be stronger. I've also used suicide as an ultimatum to self-motivate myself into doing things. It has worked so far and I have had a few close calls. I've set up two goals this year as ultimatums,

Could you explain how you used suicide to motivate yourself? For me I think it sucks my motivation out

 

[Symbiote]

Could you explain how you used suicide to motivate yourself? For me I think it sucks my motivation out

Suicide for me is the failure of life, so since I hate failure or have a fear of failure, I use the one thing that could make me try harder or I just die. Kinda like having someone put a gun to my head at all time and if I fuck up, I die.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

That's sad. I'm familiar with your story because I remember reading about it in another thread. Some of us will die without experiencing romantic love. There is nothing we can do about it :(

You're right. It certainly hurts to know that but at least I can die knowing the inevitability of it all instead of trying to fight fate for a miserable few decades.

 

[Busticket]

No.
If I had enough money to never work again another second in my life I would not want to ctb.

 

[All Things Must Pass]

No, I'll be dead eventually.

 

[jusbug]

no i'm not sick and i'm not depressed, i just want my fu,,,,ing life back

 

[Empty gas can]

This can-do attitude is gonna get you in a lot of trouble on here

I did expect that kind of reaction. Personnally, it's what has been most effective at keeping suicidal ideation at bay. Not judging the reasons of anybody, though. Deciding when it's enough is a personal choice.

 

[Symbiote]

I did expect that kind of reaction. Personnally, it's what has been most effective at keeping suicidal ideation at bay. Not judging the reasons of anybody, though. Deciding when it's enough is a personal choice.

Nah, you won't get any trouble. A lot of us are aware of solutions to fix our issues, but we either lack the energy or do not have any hope of getting better.

A: If I go to CBT or EMDR therapy, I can live a better life
OR
B: I'm unmotivated to get help because I know I'll fuck it up later in life and plus I don't want to spend money on something that may work 10% of the time.

I don't want help, they never work for me and I'm just vegetating through time and space until I say "I'm done"

 

[Empty gas can]

B: I'm unmotivated to get help because I know I'll fuck it up later in life and plus I don't want to spend money on something that may work 10% of the time.

Oh yeah, totally. That's the breaking point I was referring to. When 90% of your life has been shit, you just lose all interest and the motivation to get better, you're broken and it's practically over.

I did CBT and talk therapy for a decade. It did help a lot but it was quite a ride and finding a good therapist is hard man. Can't say I enjoyed life during that time. Recently, I've reached a culminating point where I just couldn't progress anymore, with each new therapist just rambling over the same subjects and not helping at all, I just lost trust in the process.

 

[NormaJeane]

No, I will not always be suicidal no matter what because I am not suicidal because of mental problems. Young people who are suicidal because of mental problems will be more suicidal when they get old because when people get old, they will also have age-related ailments and diseases - the hole human body will decay. It is best to enjoy time in life when you are young.

 

[FuneralCry]

I think so. These types of thoughts are wired into my brain. I've been like this since a young age as I was born with neurological issues which made it hard for me to cope with life. I don't have the mental capacity to deal with life's problems, if anything bad has ever happened to me, I have fell into despair.

I just don't like living and life isn't for me and I've accepted that fact. Even if I got rid of my health problems I would find life boring and pointless. I have a fear of ageing too. The idea of not being alive comforts me. I don't understand why we have to exist in the first place as we just die anyway.

 

[heretogethelp]

i can't hang myself so i'm stuck here... i don't have any other options :(

 

[Numbtopain97]

as long as i'm in this planet i'll be suicidal.

 

[loopylou]

So, as long as you're alive you'll be suicidal.
I see. Same here.

Me too

 

[Rustysoupcan]

I think so. Even when my life is going well, I still think of suicide.

 

[Largeletters]

Yes, unless there's a life redo button, or rather, undo button...

 

[xkonstantinexx]

Nah, you won't get any trouble. A lot of us are aware of solutions to fix our issues, but we either lack the energy or do not have any hope of getting better.

A: If I go to CBT or EMDR therapy, I can live a better life
OR
B: I'm unmotivated to get help because I know I'll fuck it up later in life and plus I don't want to spend money on something that may work 10% of the time.

I don't want help, they never work for me and I'm just vegetating through time and space until I say "I'm done"

I agree with you. I'm actually aware of the solutions that I need to fix my problems but I've just given up completely. In fact, I even doubt that these are holistic and long term solutions. So there's always a chance that things might go back to the way they were.

I want to CTB because I'm tired of putting up a front, I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of facing this cruel mundane life.

 

[filthyrottendirty]

Yes I will. I will always have my memories, my life and my disability I will always want out of this life even when it's good

 

[insanedoomer]

sure , it's an option .

 

[Cronetappingout]

Yes. It is always the 1st thought when things are stressful.